To: Siddhartha Gupta, English 301 Student Writer
From: Matthew Shen, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: August 5, 2020
Subject: Review of Formal Report-Streamlining direct internal communication channels for ACC Mumbai Head Office
Thank you for submitting the draft of your formal report: Streamlining direct internal communication channels for ACC Mumbai Head Office. It was very detailed and informative. The report included extensive research, attractive visuals, and all requested aspects of the assignment. Revision of grammar and some formatting would improve the final draft. Please consider the following feedback during revision:
First Impressions: The subject matter is well researched, and credibility is established from the introduction. The writing conveys to the audience that the author is well-versed on the topic, and evidence is presented to support report’s scope. Some spelling errors are noticeable at first glance.
Organization:
- Table of contents is well divided and accurate
- Explanation, analysis and conclusion flow together and are logical
- Page Formatting and use of header is appropriate
Content: The report contains extensive valuable information but currently is over the recommended page length. The report may want to filter out less essential information or condense the figures to fit this recommended length.
Introduction:
- Interesting anecdotal information speaks to credibility and expertise
- Provided a brief introduction that acknowledges the audience’s knowledge of the situation
- Structured the introduction in a engaging way, describing the problem, scope and purpose of the report
Methods:
- Good description of research methods
- Collected data from a diverse range of employees and provided a good sample size, although there may be a need to be more detailed about the demographics of survey responders
Data Section:
- May want to describe the demographic of employees that are answering the surveys if possible, would help provide more evidence
- Highlights the noteworthy findings
- Interprets the data for the reader
- May want to situate table and figures directly in the data section, which will eliminate the need to flip back and forth through different pages
Conclusions:
- Recommendations are reasonable and address several possibilities
- Summary of findings briefly describes the problem in a detailed manner
- Report translates the data obtained from surveys and successfully identifies the shortcoming of the current communication channels
Visuals/Figures:
- The figures and colorful and easy to identify
- Graphs are all labelled correctly and help readers understand the data being presented
- May want to include some limitations of the visuals and figures used
References:
- Could use more references to support evidence during introduction and when speaking about communication channels
- Does not include a references section, may want to include
Style/Tone:
- The document used a friendly tone that was addressed appropriately to your audience
- The correct “you” attitude was employed
- Attention was paid towards addressing a knowledgeable audience, acknowledged their expertise
- The tone in the report was never negative, even when identifying shortcomings in communication structure
Grammar/Typos: The document has some typos and grammatical errors that are easy to fix by combing through with a spell-check. Here are some example, the errors are underlined:
“Poor Communications entails ineffective or inefficient processes of exchanging ormation. ACC should aim to avoid poor communication in order.”
“This report aims to synthesise and present data about the efficiency of the current direct communication methods at the ACC Mumbai head office.”
“On the other hand most stated that Email and Whatsapp were not very efficient for their general communication. employees often agree that these communications do not efficiently meet all their specific communication needs.”
Concluding Statements: This report is detailed in investigating important issues to the company and deserves the attention of Philip Mathew. With the following adjustments, the document can be improved:
- Reducing the word count of some sentences to increase clarity
- Fixing spelling and grammatical errors
- Improving the spacing will increase readability
It was a pleasure reviewing this report for ACC Mumbai Head Office. Your ideas would be appropriate in generating improvements in the company. I hope the suggestions are helpful in completing the assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.
Thank you.
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