Peer Review of Formal Report for Michaela Basciano

TO:                Michaela Basciano, English 301 Student Writer                                                                                                                                        FROM:          Christina Hruby, English 301 Student Reviewer                                                                                                                                          DATE:            August 4, 2020                                                                                                                                                                                SUBJECT:     Review of  Formal Report- Improving Nightlife, Event, and Party Culture Practices on UBC’s Point Grey Campus

Thank you for submitting the formal report: Improving Nightlife, Event, and Party Culture Practices on UBC’s Point Grey Campus. It was an informative and enjoyable read. Strengths of the report include proper researching techniques, attractive visuals, correct formatting, and completeness of all aspects of the assignment. Revision of the layout to improve readability and filtering the content to reduce the length of the document would improve the final draft. Please consider the following feedback during revision:

First Impressions: The subject matter for this inquiry is well researched and thoroughly analysed, contributing to a detailed report. All core elements of the assignment are present as well as several figures displaying survey responses. The writing conveys that the author is confident and well-versed on the topic.

Organization:

• Table of Contents is accurate and topics are well divided.
• There is a logical flow to the explanation, analysis, and conclusion of the report.
• Formatting of page numbering conforms to rules described in the textbook.
• Some long paragraphs exist within the document. Using bullet points and incorporating white space will make the report more readable.

Content: The report contains extensive valuable information and currently contains 21 pages. Instructions for the assignment stipulated developing a document approximately 12 to 15 pages in length. Selecting the most important facts and figures, may assist in filtering out secondary information that is less essential to the focus of the investigation. Perhaps the following feedback on each section of the report will facilitate the process.

1. Introduction:
   • Interesting anecdotal information engages the audience. Well done.
   • The intention of the introduction is to provide briefly background for the situation. To remain focused try:
     • Eliminating some information that the audience may already be aware.
     • Narrowing the key points to highlight the most essential factors at play.
   • Presenting the following information, in list form, will simplify comprehension:
     • relevant training topics
     • campus establishments frequented by students
     • points to be outlined in the report
   • Using the following steps to guide the structure of the introduction may help with streamlining:
     1. Identifying the topic’s origin and significance
     2. Describing the problem
     3. Defining the report’s purpose
2. Methods:
   • Good description of research methods.
   • Collecting data from diverse range of subjects eliminates bias which shows strong understanding of proper research techniques.
   • Referencing the page of the document, possibly in the appendix, where a copy of the surveys are located would add precision to the section.
3. Data Section:     
   • Thorough description of demographics was provided; however, using is a table to record frequencies or a graph to represent relationships between factors lets the diagram to do the talking. Then, text can be reserved for:
     • highlighting the noteworthy findings.
     • interpreting the data for the reader.
   • An impartial analysis including the limitations of the data shows honesty, which is appreciated by the reader.
   • Since several tables and figures were created or the report, situating them directly in the data section eliminates the need for the reader to flip back and forth between pages. The table or figure could then be followed immediately by the findings of consequence and the interpretation, keeping the reader on track.
4. Conclusion: The conclusion is succinct.
   • Summary of Findings: describes the problem in a brief yet precise manner.
   • Interpretation of Findings: translates the raw data and identifies the shortcomings of student safety on campus.
   • Recommendations: are insightful, reasonable, address abroad range of possibilities, and seem achievable.

Visuals/Figures:

• The tables and charts are colourful and attractive, grabbing the attention of the reader.
• Labeling all axes, including a title, and indicating the units of the factors will help the reader understand the data.
• Identifying the number of responses that the proportions are based on is a nice touch.
• Increasing line spacing and using uniform font size will allow for easy reading.

References: Correct and complete referencing style was used. Good attention to detail.

Style/Tone:

• The document used an even and friendly tone.
• The appropriate “you” attitude was employed.
• The tone was never negative, even when identifying shortcomings.

Grammar/Typos: The document was well edited for typos and grammatical errors; however, there word count of some sentences could be reduced for conciseness. Here are some examples and possible alternatives:

• Nightlife practices carried out by campus groups have the capacity to improve immensely by providing the students within them the appropriate training and giving them access to the applicable resources.
  • Providing members of campus groups with training and access to resources, can improve student nightlife practices.
• When asked what their thoughts are on implementing mandatory training on sexual violence prevention in order to host events on campus, hosts are in favour.
  • Hosts are in favour of implementing manditory sexual violence prevention training for campus events.
• With students hailing from all corners of the world, the university attempts to hold a place for everyone with over 350+ student clubs within the Alma Mater Society (AMS) and many other established student groups across campus.
  • Over 350 Alma Mater Society and established campus groups welcome local and international students.

Concluding  Statements: This report thoroughly investigates important student issues and deserves the attention of its readers. With the following small adjustments, the document will be even stronger:

• Streamlining the content to remain within the range of recommended length.
• Increasing readability by incorporating white space, bullet points, and lists.
• Relocating some tables and figures to the data section for quick reference.
• Including titles, labeling axes, and indicating units on figures and tables.
• Reducing the word count of some sentences to increase clarity.

It was a pleasure reviewing this report. I hope the suggestions are helpful in completing the assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Thank you.

Michaela Basciano ROUGH DRAFT