TO: Sydney Storie, ENGL 301 Student
FROM: Kathryn Simone, ENGL 301 Student
SUBJECT: Peer Review: 301 Sydney Storie Formal Report Draft
DATE: August 7, 2020
Hi Sydney,
As requested, I have reviewed your draft of your formal report entitled “Proposal to Increase Out of Province Seats to The Ontario Veterinary College.” Overall, your report is both well organized and thoroughly researched. It is clear you are invested in the topic! Please find my peer review below; I hope these suggestions will be helpful for you while creating your final report.
First impression:
- Your introduction does a great job at giving context for the topic of the report and draws the reader in, utilizing a “You” attitude by helping the reader understand why this report pertains to them.
- I was confused who the intended reader is for your report, as it is currently addressed to both the Dean of Veterinary Medicine and The Ontario Veterinary College Admissions Committee. It might be better to narrow down the audience to one person instead of one person and a group.
- The overall aesthetic of the report looks great. I like how it was broken down into many smaller headings and subheadings to allow for easy reading. Adjusting the font so that subheadings are smaller than headings is advised.
Organization/Style:
- The table of contents is well formatted, has good readability, and is split into appropriate subcategories.
- Under the “Proposed Plan” section, the problem statement is largely reiterated (e.g “British Columbia is facing a serious shortage of veterinarians and the demand for veterinarian services is rapidly increasing”). These points can be omitted as they were already addressed in the Problem Statement section.
- Splitting paragraphs by having one line on one page and the rest on the next can make reading difficult. Consider reformatting the paragraph so the paragraph fits all on one page.
Collected Data:
- Great use of graphics! The colourful pie charts clearly communicate the data. Further, you included sample size and percentages. Good work.
- Adding an appendage at the end that includes the survey in its original state would be appropriate.
- Exact transcriptions of the responses were included for only two respondents out of five — it might be useful to state why the other three were omitted.
Grammar and Expression
- The UBC acronym is not explained. Having the explanation of the acronym on the first use of it will provide clarity to the reader.
- An inconsistent tone is sometimes present by mixing bullet points, numbered orderings, and paragraphs; try reformatting to have a consistent writing style.
- The tone of your report is at times subjective. For example, the adjective “extremely” in the sentence “The admission criteria for veterinary school is extremely competitive” is unnecessary. There is sufficient research to support your claim, and by citing the statistics you bring forth you will make your report more professional and stronger in the end.
Thank you for reading my comments. You have a strong argument with excellent acquired data, and I am looking forward to reading the finished product. I have emailed you and included a word document attachment, and have included the link to the formal report draft below. Please let me know if you have any questions about my comments above by emailing me at kathrynsimone@gmail.com
Best regards,
Kathryn Simone
Enclosure: Sydney Storie’s Formal Report Draft
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