Date: August 7, 2020
Peer Reviewer: Money Dhaliwal
Author: Aran Chang
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package Draft
Hi Aran,
Thank you for the submission of your application package draft. It was concise and easy to read with minimal mistakes throughout. There were no areas of confusion and editing the draft was very pleasant. With some adjustments to the content and changes to the design in a few places, you will have a wonderful final copy to hand in. A peer review of your draft can be found below to help you achieve this goal.
First Impressions
After the first read-through, it is clear that you have thoroughly completed all requirements for this assignment. Great job. There are some areas that could be improved in content and design. Formatting for everything is adequate and with some improvements would look great. You are close to having a very strong application package.
Organization
All documents are in order and easy to identify. Each document is also organized as required and includes key components. Well done.
Content
Cover Letter
The layout for the cover letter follows the textbook examples and is appropriate for the assignment. Your strengths and accomplishments were also laid out nicely. Here are a few areas of improvement:
- There is some redundancy that could be improved.
- The first and second sentence of the intro could be combined for conciseness.
- Rementioning of academic history appears unnecessary at the start of the third paragraph.
- Adding some contact info at the end before signing off would make finding this info convenient for your reader
- Including a bit more about why you want to attend this BEd program specifically would showcase your enthusiasm and knowledge of the program to the reader.
- There appears to be an incomplete sentence in the third paragraph, “I volunteered, developing.”
Resume
You did a good job including key information and organizing the resume as required. A few things could be done to improve the readability and presentation:
- Including the date of graduation (or expected graduation) would be very useful to the reader to determine your education status and availability
Reference Requests
While still remaining professional, the reference requests are more personable and appear to work well for the intended reader. The letters vary in casualness which is likely done based on the relationship with the reader and is a smart move. The formatting for your letters is also well done and they are pleasant to read through. You include a solid greeting and each letter ends with a polite thanks to the reader, well done. Here are a few possible areas of improvement:
- Mentioning the need for honesty in the final paragraphs could be removed as that should be a given and may come off condescending to the reader.
- A date is missing for the letters, this is a great reference for the reader
Tone
Each of the documents has a tone appropriate for the reader. The cover letter has a slightly more professional tone while the reference requests are more personable which suits each reader well.
Design & Layout
The layout of your documents follows the suggested formats in the textbook. Everything is simple and easy to follow. However, at times it can seem too simple, here are some possible changes:
- Differentiating the headings better in the resume would make it more pleasing to the eye. Some examples include bolding, underlining, centering, or increasing the font size.
- Adding some spacing, italics, or bolding to the “Reference” section would make reading the information easier
- Adding bullet points to the list of qualifications would make it easier to read and distinguish each skill
- A space is missing between the reader’s address and greeting in the cover letter
Concluding Comments
You are well on your way to having a solid final application package to submit. The foundation is all there in your documents and with a few changes, the overall quality will be excellent. If you have any questions after reading, please don’t hesitate to reply with an email.
Link to application package draft: 4-1 Application Package
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