To: Zainab Rauf Tramboo, ENGL 301 Student
From: Joanna Yu, ENGL 301 Student
Date: August 15, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package Draft
Hello Zainab,
Your job application package draft has been reviewed. You have done an excellent job at communicating your strengths and qualifications that are relevant to your chosen position. Below are overall impressions and comments for each document in your package.
Job posting
The posting includes clear requirements for the position of Intern – Economic Affairs, as well as job summary, responsibilities and qualifications. One of the requirements for this assignment is to cite the source of the job posting ad in MLA format. Adding an accurate citation allows the reader to track down the source used.
Cover Letter
The cover letter highlights impressive credentials and skills that are relevant to the job posting. Confidence and enthusiasm are expressed throughout the letter.
Introduction
The applicant’s source of encouragement to apply is clearly stated. Identifying the position being applied for and including how the applicant came across the opportunity in the introduction will improve the cover letter’s structure in line with Technical Communication.
Body
The applicant’s academic background is concisely identified in this section and establishes a clear connection to the job position. This section also relates the applicant’s appropriate qualification from the resume to the specific job opening well. The first sentence of the 2nd paragraph can be reorganized to highlight the status of UBC’s faculty of economics. “As an international student, UBC’s faculty of economics, which is ranked first in Canada, allowed me to study…”. In the 4th sentence of the 2nd paragraph, using “and” between “causational” and “correlational” may help improve the flow of the sentence.
In the 2nd sentence of the 3rd paragraph, adding a “,” after “internship” will help indicate a clause. In the 6th sentence, “for a year” may be omitted as this information can be referred to in the resume. Using the word “the” instead of “;” before “Syrian crisis” will improve the structure of the sentence.
Conclusion
This section is concise and thanks the reader for his/her time in reading the letter. Providing an email address and/or a phone number in this section will make following-up easier for the reader. Additionally, reiterating the interest in the job will help reinforce the applicant’s enthusiasm for the position.
Resume
Content
The resume contains most of the standard parts, such as contact information, career objectives, education, work experience, and reference. The resume is organized in clear reverse chronological order and emphasizes key skills appropriate for the position. Although there are many ways to template a resume, the course website suggests following the format and layout of one of the resume styles set out in Technical communication.
Organization
The resume is organized effectively because it conveys the strongest impression of the applicant’s qualifications, skills, education, and experience. The reverse chronological template of the resume was done accurately.
Style
Editing “Extra Curricular” in the first section of the 2nd page into one word or hyphenating it will help make the document look more professional.
Reference Letters
Content
You did a great job with each reference letter. Each letter is well written which allows each recipient to know why their recommendation is important and how their reference would contribute to the job application.
Organization
Except for some minor grammatical errors, the reference requests are well organized, polite, and professional. In three of the letters, revising the formats of the recipient, addresses, dates, and typos will make the letters look more professional.
• In the sender’s address, the city, province and postal code can be in one line while “Canada” is in the following line.
• The “th” in “12th” can be omitted.
• Both “’,” after “Nancy Clarke” and “BC” can be omitted in the recipient’s address.
• The “s” in “economics” can be omitted in the second sentence of the first paragraph.
• The “,” can be omitted in the 2nd to the last sentence of the closing paragraph.
In the letter to Nancy E Clarke, adding a “.” At the end of the 2nd paragraph’s last sentence will make the letter more on point.
Style
Each letter uses a polite and friendly tone. It also provides courteous closing remarks. Leaving a statement conveying that it is understandable if the recipient wishes to decline with the referral in the closing remarks would make the letters sound more professional.
Overall, the application package draft has all the key components that makes a strong application. The highlighted qualifications and skills are relevant to your target position. Revising the resume format given in Technical Communication will improve the organization of your documents. Additionally, incorporating minor grammatical and style related revisions will help enhance the final copy of your application package. Thank you for your excellent work. If you have any questions or comments, please email me anytime at joannayu9710@gmail.com.
Zainab’s Application Package Draft: Application-Package-Draft zainab
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