Assignment 4.1: Peer Review of Alison’s Application Package Draft

From: Kathryn Simone, MASK Team Member
To: Alison Ma, MASK Team Member
Date: August 15, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package Draft

Alison, I have reviewed your job application package draft as per Assignment 4.1. I believe the application package draft is professional, organized, and succinct. The resume is particularly excellent and highlights attributes that make you an ideal candidate for the Impact Investment Research Assistant position at UBC Sauder, however I have included some recommendations for your consideration below.


  •  Great use of concrete achievements (for example, “achieved 40% higher revenue”).
  • The writing is overall professional and concise.


  • The organization of the application package is logical and easy to follow for the reader. However, including a table of contents and employing the use of page numbers would make the package even easier for potential employers to read.


  • The style of the application package is great. The font and spacing is consistent and the use of bold and italicized text formatting subtly adds to the flow of the document for the reader.


  • The job posting has been included with a citation in MLA format at the bottom of the page. However, the source should be italicized to conform with MLA format.


  • The cover letter successfully highlights your technical skills, particularly those that match the ad’s qualifications section. The tone used is professional, friendly, and confident, and presents you as a strong candidate for this position.
  • Employing a “You-attitude” in the cover letter will help you stand out more to the potential employer. Including specific reasons why the team at UBC Sauder would value your specific skills that were mentioned on their cover letter, for example, would help the employer know you have specifically sought out this role at UBC Sauder to apply to and helps the reader feel their time has been honoured.
  • Signing off the letter with “Yours Faithfully,” is not a typical phrase to sign off your cover letter with. Perhaps using “Regards,” or “Sincerely,” instead would be more professional.


  • The resume is clean and well-formatted. It is easy to read and captures technical skills as well as an overview of responsibilities at past positions and with past projects.
  • Throughout the resume, it would be helpful to use a consistent date style. For example, either use the long-form or short-form of the months (October or Oct.) instead of using them interchangeably.
  • Changing the “Work Experiences” section to be “Experience” would be a more succinct way to name the section and reflects the standards from the textbook.


  • All three reference request letters are written in a respectful tone and make explicit what you have learned at each company, which demonstrates writing with a You-attitude.
  • You have noted that you attached your cover letter and resume to the reference requests — great! This will give the reader more context as to your current relevant skills.
  • The request letters can be improved by delineating how a reference from the specific individual to whom the letter is addressed will be helpful in the job search, in addition to the experience gained from the workplace.


Alison, I am very impressed with your application package draft. The resume makes explicit technical skills pertaining to the job posting and the bullet points give the reader a good overview of your qualifications. Additionally, the cover letter and reference request letters demonstrate a personable, professional, and thoughtful attitude. Incorporating the advice described above will take an already strong application and make it even stronger.

If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me at

Link: Alison’s application package

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