Unit 4:1 Peer Review of Application Package Draft for Jiajie

To: Jiajie Xu, ENGL 301 Student

From: Cynthia Li, ENGL 301 Student

Date: August 15, 2020

Subject: Peer Review of Application Package Draft

Dear Jiajie,

Thank you for posting your application package draft for the Environmental Resources Management Group on the team forum. The draft was thoroughly written, with many details that successfully showcased skills and experience. The tone was extremely professional yet personable. A few tweaks in organization or structure would be beneficial. Below are a few comments and suggestions:

Content

Job Advertisement: The advertisement seems like a great selection, with a lot of information to go off of.

• Please provide the MLA citation of the source of the advertisement/where it was found.

Cover Letter: There contains basic information such as University, graduation date, major experiences and skills. There are also more personal aspects such as passions and work outlooks. Combined together, it is clear to see these create an excellent outline for any employer looking at the cover letter.

• Expanding
  • Providing more specific accounts of experiences that support the statements can strengthen the letter
    • Eg. How has Centennial College developed theoretical and practical skills? Is there a project or assignment or experience to show this?
      • Though the resume highlights most of the skills and information, providing small snippets of experiences or learning experiences in a positive way in the cover letter can make it stand out even more.
• Keeping in mind the Job Advertisement
  • Though a little lengthy, the job advertisement provides a good template to work off of when writing the cover letter. It lists many responsibilities and requirements that can be used with one’s own experiences to write about.
  • Providing demonstrations of having taken on some of those responsibilities and requirements can make the employer want to read more and look at the resume more.
    • Eg. Have there been times at UBC where some of the responsibilities/requirements listed have been taught or practiced? Such as “I have learned a lot during my time at UBC such as how to assist with… when working on…” because many of the requirements in the job advertisement seem to mention statements such as this.
    • The resume contains experiences such as “Assistant.” Talking about it a little in the cover letter, because it supports the job advertisements requirements, can pique the employer’s interest more.

Resume: The resume is highly informative and provides an in-depth look at individual skills and experiences which correlate with the job advertisement. The amount of work listed and done so meticulously shows the expertise, readiness and capability for the tasks and requirements of the job. An extremely strong resume.

Reference Letter Requests: The letters are personable and show care. They have all necessary details with consistent structure.

• YOU-Attitude
  • Reducing pronouns such as “you” or “me” may create more diplomatic letters
    • Eg. Second letter to Dr. Scott 2nd paragraph: “… which benefits me a lot…”
    • Eg. “… precious opportunity for me…”
• Linking resume or LinkedIn profile to provide some information

Organization

All aspects of the application package are included and organized clearly from the job advertisement to the reference letter requests. There are titles and bullet points used for clarity.

• Spacing/Titles
  • Using different settings such as bold/italics/underlining can create a more clear application package by showing main titles and subtitles.
  • The resume uses bold which is very helpful for the reader and also has CAPS to separate main titles from the subtitles underneath however using bold for all the titles can be a bit eye-catching or confusing at first
    • Can use underline for subtitles or double the effects of main title to better separate the different subsections?
      • Eg. EDUCATION -> Earth and Environmental Science -> Relevant Courses… Academic Projects … or maybe EDUCATION -> Earth and Environmental Science… -> Relevant Courses… Academic Projects

Grammar/Tone

The writing is concise and clear. The resume lays out many details thoroughly in a straightforward way and the tone used throughout is friendly and polite. There are many moments that focus on strengths and what can be offered such as in the cover letter which creates a positive attitude.

• YOU-attitude
  • Using less pronouns such as “I” can make the application package sound more professional and less repetitive
    • Eg. Cover letter 1st paragraph: “… precious opportunity to me…” -> “… is an opportunity to grow in the field and…”
    • Eg. Cover letter 3rd paragraph: “I am a highly self-motivated…” -> “As a highly self-motivated…”
    • Eg. Cover letter last paragraph: “… one of my goal…” -> “… is a goal for the near future…”
• Revising typos when editing
  • A few examples:
    • Cover letter:
      • “… did provided…” -> “… provides an opportunity…”
      • “… and seeking dedicated…” -> “… and dedicated…” ?
      • Capitalizing the H in having (new sentence)

Concluding Comments

The application package shows the dedication and time put in. There is great care to details and effort put into the resume, with other personal skills that aren’t in the resume being highlighted in the cover letter. To summarize:

• Including MLA citation of job posting
• Expanding a little more on some experiences in the cover letter
• Creating clearer titles/headings & subtitles/subheadings
• Keeping in mind YOU-attitude in particular pronouns (cover letter and reference requests)
• Revising for typos

Thank you for the application package draft. It was an enjoyable read and I hope some of these suggestions are helpful when editing for the final draft. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Cynthia

301-Jiajie-Xu-Application-Package-Draft