End of Experiments!! and the Emotional Aftermath

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It feels great.

Just great.

It’s been a while since my last post, but there’s a good reason for it.

I finished the last set of my experiments for my masters and that concludes the end of the things that I need to program, tighten, loosen, and crack open in the literal sense of things.

Woot woot!

I had over thirty subjects come in to the lab, and interact with the robot I had set up for the experiment. The  experiment was called Sorting Hearts and Circles with a Robot, and I am so… so… glad that so many people were interested in participating. Thank you participants! Big hug goes to you all.

And now that all the experiments are done, I could not wait to start analysing the data. It’s crazy how work works. You get one thing done, and then you find another thing to get done. It’s a never ending cycle.

However, I felt really good about the new work that sat staring at me on my desk — data.

For over two years, I had been working to get here. My goodness I had three different phases to my study, and thank goodness I finished them before my patience and all virtues in me dried out.

So, while I started to busy myself with the newly collected data, I was reminded that it was time for me to take down my experimental set-up.

It’s a weird feeling to take down something that you’ve worked so hard on. It feels like you’ve constructed a very elegant multi-layered cake with the most beautiful decorations and fillings by working hard for hours, and then you are asked to destroy it – with the reason being, that’s the way things are for all cakes, no matter how beautiful.

I had been working on this system for… about half a year now? I know every single line of code that made the robot do its thing, and I like to feel like I have my own personal ways of fixing the robot when it crashes on me – the ways that I had to learn by trial and error. You know… there’s that feeling of … there must be something special produced from this that will last forever.. the things that makes all the late nights and early mornings worthwhile. But you aren’t quite sure what that is yet. You don’t want to say that ‘I’ve made some scientific contribution that will last forever’ because it feels like your attachment to your project is stronger and more important than whatever the scientific contribution will do for the world. You know… a breakup from a long term relationships tend to give you that kinda feeling…

So, the day I was supposed to take down the system, I decided to take lots of videos of it, take pictures of every single corners of the set-up, and do everything special I could imagine. Collecting everything that will last.

And when that was all done and over with, I sat.

I sat there staring at the robot.

And the robot sat there, like it always was at the end of the day. Its arms folded and cuddled up.

It kind of felt like having a breakup talk.

“Hey… I’m sorry, but I am not planning to come around no more. This is it. It’s over.”

Don’t worry, I am not crazy. I do not really consider the robot my ‘friend’ or a relationship material of any sort.

I just have some attachment issues with my projects.

As I sat there having these breakup talks, somewhat feeling a sense of relief, but also doubting whether I am making the right choice (as in, should I get a few more subjects before I take it down?), my labmate Navid looked at me and said ‘All done?’

“All done…” I said.

Then I realised that Navid will be the one taking over the robot now – for his experiments, of course. And that reminded me that there’s going to be many more researchers working with this robot. It was clear that I need to clear out of its way.

So I took one last couples picture with the robot, with the spongy hand that I made for it and stuff.

Awwww….

 

Then I had to go out for dinner with a friend of mine to celebrate the end of experiments, and the start of results and analysis. Afterwards, I did feel the temptation to go back to the lab when I came back from  the dinner at like.. 11ish.. but I resisted. This was it.

A clean breakup is a good breakup. No middle ground “let’s be friends” stuff, and no regrets.

I learned so much from this project, and I am so glad that the experiment is over.

I am moving on.

Let’s get the data party started!! 😀

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Cream for the soul…

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Done and done…!

I have finally started my final experiment for my masters.

In order to finish setting up for my experiment, I had to climb the highest mountains, fight the toughest storms, catch a dragon alive and pull all it wisdom teeth out (I am assuming that would be very hard). Anyway, what I am trying to say is that it was a long journey that took over 5 months (I think?) of me sitting in front of the same robot and the same computer doing the same thing (coding, debugging, running, crashing things, and repeating this routine over and over again). Just to give you an idea, I had a conversation about encoder failures yesterday, and I ended up having a nightmare about it. In my dream, the robot’s encoder failed, and was drifty for no reason. And I was sitting on that very desk I’ve been sitting on for the past 5 months, staring at the screen and looking at the encoder drift,confirming that all the data I’ve gathered through my experiment are useless. Yes. It’s a terrible dream to have. But also funny now that I think about it…

Anyways, the experiment setup is not perfect. It could be better – sooo much better. But I had to say “This is good enough” at some point. I had to define where I stop perfecting it.

Well, I don’t want to go on and on about how working on the robot felt like taming a dragon. The important thing is that the experiment has started and it’s now too late to change anything. I must continue on. Continue to collect data.

I was supposed to give myself some pampering sessions the first day I started the experiment. But by the end of the day, I was so tired that I couldn’t do anything but to pass out in my bed.

Tonight, I find myself organizing the initial set of data I’ve collected, and questioning whether the data will support my hypotheses or not. The initial sample size is too small for me to tell anything off of it, but I still have this urge to find out the results now. And with this urge, and a gazillions of things that I need to do before I defend (hopefully in December), I’ve decided to pamper myself with whatever is in my fridge.

Turns out, that most stuff in my fridge is moldy, overdue, or about to be so. Then I remembered my leftover bottle of Baileys and a tub of Creme Brulee ice-cream I had bought fairly recently.

Done deal.

I had this genius idea of pouring a shot (may be a tad bit more) of baileys all over the creme brulee isce-cream. Epic creation. If anyone needs pampering in the sugar/creamy sort of way, to wash away your long journeys of fighting the toughest storms and slaying a dragon and what have you, try it out – I won’t judge you on your sugar and alcohol consumption habits if you don’t. 😉

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My very first radio interview

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Hi guys,

So… this a little bit embarrassing for me, but I was on a radio show earlier this week.

You might be reading this saying “Oh man, this girl is totally a show off… bragging about broadcasting and such on blog posts.”

Well, but this post isn’t about me bragging. It’s more of the opposite I must say – a bit of lessons learned, rather than ‘Oh man, I rock’.

Here is the thing. Last summer, I had another broadcasting event, which was actually my very first broadcasting experience. I will save you all the details of how it went and the long story leading to the event, but simply put it this way: I was super nervous that… every time I opened my mouth to say something, to answer questions from the host, my mind went blank and I started talking super fast. Given that it was my very first time, I think it didn’t go that badly. But back then, I thought it went so terribly that I wanted to change my name so that other people won’t recognize me from the show.

So, given that experience from last summer, I figured out why I my mind went blank during the show. I think I was being super conscious of myself that I didn’t know what to do. But the point of being on a show is to inform and entertain the audience, which was the point that was being overcast by my super conscious self – do I look ok, do I sound like someone who knows her stuff, am I talking ok? etc.

This time, I decided that I will keep the audience and the purpose of the show in mind, so that I won’t be so nervous.

But the day of any big presentation (MECH 598/698??) usually gets hijacked by terror and nervousness that does not end until the presentation/show/talk or whatever is over. This time wasn’t an exception. I had been in my thesis project mode for so long – i.e., debugging my code, other people’s code, stitching them together – that all I could think about was the robot I’ve been working with, and the super specific code issues I am having (e.g., my c++ code called gesture_engine.cpp is receiving wrong quintic coefficient values from its server codes I think, I should fix it soon). That also meant my lack of staying in touch with the rest of the world. I was worried.

I felt like I should know the worldly issues, even in my busiest times. I felt that there was a good chance that someone was going to ask me questions about happenings in Libia and somehow ask me to comment on that in conjunction with something about robots and my project. But as the time drew near, and I walked over to the broadcasting station, I knew that there was nothing I could do to review all of today’s worldly issues and happenings in my field. If they ask me stuff that I don’t know, then so be it. I am only a master’s student.

So, the first half and hour of the show was a bit unnerving. I could not believe that they actually asked me to be on the show for the whole hour. The clock just seemed to be stopped and not ticking away the way it should. I hadn’t really figured out the pace of my voice, the clarity of my sentences, and attitudes of my tone. I was just nervous.

But as the show went on, I reminded myself of that key thing that was supposed to help me: “I am not as important as I think I am. I am here for the audience, and to convey information to the audience.”

And there it was. An hour gone. And it was an hour of a very good experience.

At the end of the show, I didn’t feel too badly about how I did (until I listened to the recording of the show, and wanted to hide in a corner somewhere). I felt kind of comfortable about the idea of being on a radio show, and felt great that I got to talk about my thesis project on the show – although I am not sure if anything I said made any sense. Anyway, I was super glad to have been given the opportunity to participate on a show, and felt that more of us engineering grad students should be given these chances because I don’t think we talk about them in the context of large lay audience very much. It’s all about conveying information to the audience, presenting yourself as an expert and actually succeeding at it is secondary.

Maybe next time, I will do better. 🙂

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