The Pitiful Evolution of the Email Signatures

When I was in sixth grade, an eager classmate introduced me to the joy and excitement that was email and MSN. Oh yes, we had a blast giggling in the computer lab messaging each other online while sitting side by side. Back then, kids were creative. So when someone came up with the idea of email signatures, we all flocked to add sigs in a dizzying display of emoticons, pink comic sans fonts, and blinking unicorns.

Circa 2002 – The :] Age of Comic Sans. Emoticons in the prehistoric email world is like fire in prehistoric times – it looks good and expresses fluttering emotion, but can burn you if you use too much. To compound the damage, I also went through a phase where I wanted to appear wise above my years, hence the corny cliche.
Email Signature

Circa 2003 – The Age of Disco Flashback. Some genius then introduced graphics attachments. I erred on the side of conservatism and refrained from overdecorating my signatures in a nauseating shade of magenta. But I do believe some of my friends’ emails ended with the following.
Email Signature

Circa 2004 – The Age of cHtSpk 2lzy2TyPe. Soon, the excitement worn off and emails got tied to school work. The messages stopped having greetings and signatures. What previously said

“Dear Amy, Hope you are well. Sincerely, Phoebe.”

Now read

Amz, wassup?? u okz? ttyl brb!!

Oh how low we sunk.

Circa 2006 – The Age of Formality. As high school drew to a close, I felt the need to be more mature and professional, and thus ended my email with something simple and polite. Yawn.

Regards,
Phoebe Yu
(604) 555 – 5555

Circa 2008 – The Age of “Hey look, mine’s longer! Har Har”. This is the main point of this entry, I promise. After I entered the sacred pearly gates of UBC Sauder and started receiving emails from upperclassmen, I was COMPLETELY blown away by the level of involvement and sophistication each signature seemed to display. Sauderites also have a distinct style where people put dots instead of dashes in phone numbers. It’s all very amusing. Observe one such gem (fictious, of course).

—
Sau Derkeener
VP Logistical Administration | UBC Logistics Club
Executive Manager | Management Conference, UBC
Marketing Coordinator | Association of Marketers Vancouver Branch
Acronym Director | AFPWRAAACRAA
Bachelor of Commerce 2012 in Marketing
Sauder School of Business, University of British Columbia
Email: sau.derkeener@gmail.com | Website: www.sau12.com
Linkedin: SauDerkeener | Skype: Sau12
Mobile: 604.555.555 | Fax: 604.555.3456

Behold the greatness that is business school signature (though only midly exaggerated). It’s twice as long as the body of the email and three times as long as most professors’ (although the disclaimer “The content of this email is confidential and meant only for its recipient. If received in error please destroy immediately” has yet to catch on. Oh I dread the day someone popularizes that!) . I have to confess that my own email signature currently looks like an abridged version of above. From experience, I have compiled a very handy dandy guide for you called “How to Create Your Email Signature to Ensure SUCCE$$”.

Step one. Open the Word Document that contains your most recent two-page resume.

Step two. Select All and Copy.

Step three. Paste into signature of email.

Step four. Send emails and earn the lusting admiration of your peers, TA’s, professors who bother checking their emails, random-dude-who-never-responds-to-your-group-meeting-requests, and love interest you tend to flirt with by email.

Read 15 comments

  1. pfft, i was actually expecting a guide on how to make my own e-mail signature. way to be a letdown, phoebe

    speaking of flirting, according to AT&T, 28% of all people between the ages of 18 and 55 send at least 3 text messages a day to their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. that’s an interesting demographic… in fact, it neatly encompasses my entire family. o_O

  2. My siggy used to say something like:

    Cheers,
    Eastwood
    http://www…

    Now, it just says:

    Eastwood

    Or, sometimes, nothing at all. I’m really not a huge fan of this whole oh-look-at-me-I’m-bcom-2012! deal. As a matter of fact I’m even considering whether to remain in commerce.

  3. Haha, while waiting for MUN interviews yesterday (good job by the way), I was definitely messing around with the signature thing, trying to figure out how long I could make it. But thankfully, realizing that this was pointless and time consuming, I stopped. Otherwise I would probably have read this slightly embarrassed.

  5. XD I was thinking about that last month because a lot of e-mails I’m getting have the whole long signature thing going on. XD

    I don’t use a signature at the moment, but maybe I should start with my resume…

    PS: I like Comic Sans XD

  7. LOL phoebe i meant the 18 to 55 part, not the flirting itself XP

    btw, according to one of those men magazines, GQ or Detail I forgot which one, saying “Cheers” is one of the 35 signs of a douchebag. Just to let everyone know. *raises one eyebrow at Eastwood*

  10. uh, if you do anything other than a handshake when you meet someone, eg. pound-it, handslap hug, etc.

    driving a luxury car when you can’t afford it, the gas, or the insurance

    i forgot the others 🙁

  14. I was googling how to write a professional signature as a student (I’m an undergrad at UCLA), and came across your blog. This is hands down a walk down memory lane, and absolutely hilarious. Thanks for this.

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