Category Archives: News for Noobs

Baby Hacks! And no, Michael Haack is not knocked up.

The previous post went over some basic lingo you’ll need to know to get around UBC. In The Ubyssey’s first year issue, they go more in depth with everything you need to know on campus. We won’t even try to offer the same information, but we can aid all of you inspiring student politicians who show up to the first AMS Council meeting of the year…never to be seen again.

Hack: A term used to describe someone in student politics. Yes, it is an actual word, but we use it more to describe a general group of people on the inside who are slightly (or super) wonky. #hacktastic is also a hashtag.

LPC: Not the Liberal Party of Canada, but rather the Legislative Procedures Committee (previously referred to as LeProComm). They deal with code, bylaws, and other fun things no one wants to touch…like the recent AMS pay increase.

SOL: Special Occasion License. You need to get one of these to host a party on campus, and the RCMP are cracking down. Recent changes mean that you can be fined up to $10,000 for an infraction (read: one person too drunk, one person underage drinking, etc) which would essentially bankrupt a club.

UnECoRn: Our legacy. University External Committee on Relations aka the committee that has to do with the VP External’s portfolio, like lobbying for things. You’ll be sitting in a meeting and everything will seriously be using the word “unicorn” and would probably think they’re on crack if you don’t get it.

Insiders: the longest running VFM blog, they write really long posts about really wonky things. Also, three former Confidential editors have dated three Insiders editors, funny thing.

Senate: They deal with the academic side of governing campus and have a lot of student representation…if you want to run for something, run for Senate, there’s lots of openings and it’s not that hard to get elected.

BoG: Board of Governors, and they deal with pretty much everything else. They are very big picture, appointed, have only two student reps, and are the Bad Ass Mother Fuckers on campus.

Sean Heisler: resident hottie who loves to cook, ballroom dance, and cuddle. Probably the most powerful student on campus. Single.

CUS/AUS/EUS/SUS: Your constituencies. If the AMS was the US Congress, these would be the states. In order to get elected to the AMS body, you need to win in your constituency election. Your constituency is your undergraduate society, and like a state, they are more involved in your day to day life specific to your faculty.

What are we missing? Let us know in the comments!

Think this post sucks and is devoid of glitter? Yeah, we think so too. So why don’t you do something about it and APPLY TO BE A BLOGGER? Send us your favourite meme, favourite YouTube video, and something you once wrote to amsconfidential at gmail dot com 🙂

The UBC Dictionary

So, you’re a first year student. You’ve memorized your classrooms and schedule and are ready to show up bright and early for your very first class on your very first day.

But wait, what is this? No class on the first day of school? Imagine Day? What the hell is that?

And, for that matter, what’s IKB? Which Buchanan is Buchanan D? (Eventually you will learn how to spell it right) Why does everyone say they’re going to drink at Koerner Library?

An even better question is, how the hell did you get on AMSconfidential.ca?

Chances are that you’re NOT a first year student and you already know EVERYTHING there is to know about UBC lingo. But, on the off-chance that with a fresh batch of freshmen comes a fresh new audience, here are some UBC words that you first years ought to know:

Imagine Day – the First Day of School

But you don’t actually GO to class (Imagine that, eh?)! Instead, you’ll be with a group of other first-year students, walking around campus and get all pumped-up, pep-rally style. Clear lines will be drawn between the faculties and, from your very first day onwards, you’ll be able to recognize the red-jacket’d Engineers and the suit-wearing business-card-trading Commerce students and you’ll only see Forestry students once in a blue moon.

After lunch and all the “rah-rah, go faculty” comes what is probably the best part—Free Swag! Bring a backpack and visit as many Clubs Booths as you can. Seriously, for the entire year, I have survived on pens, pencils and folders that I got for free on Imagine Day. Oh, and free condoms! and ice cream floats!

Storm the Wall – Huge Student Event and University Bonding Experience

You won’t hear about this until near the end of the year, but if you hang out by UBC Rec long enough, it’ll be sure to come up in a conversation. In the middle of March, there will be a giant wooden wall placed right in front of the SUB. And on Storm the Wall Day, people will climb it.

Oh, and there’s a triathlon that you do before you climb the wall. They kinda forget to emphasize that. You can brave the race on your own, but for most, it’s the most fun with a bunch of friends who are as fit (or not) as you are. If you aren’t extremely unfit and you have friends, it should definitely be on your to-do list. It’s the campus bonding experience that alumni fondly remember, long after they graduate.

AMS – Like Student Council, but Bigger

The UBC version of your high school student council. Except they have mo’ money and mo’ problems. There’s srs bsns council, with “motions”, “agendas” and “budgets. And then there’s fun and silly council, with in-jokes, good times and Twitter. Lots of Twitter. 

Chances are that you will hear about the AMS once a year, when someone somewhere gets upset with something the AMS did. It happens like clockwork. Expect to read about it in December’s Ubyssey.

The Ubyssey – Student Newspaper, now 100% more Shiny

Journalism occurs there. Filled to the glossy-paged brim with campus news and campus events, topped off with a healthy dash of humour and a pinch of university-branded snark. If you want to stay in the loop with what the heck is going on around UBC, you can never go wrong with the Ubyssey.

Buchanan Tower.

It was in that X-Men movie. But in real life, it’s a lot of offices for Arts professors. You’ll probably go there for office hours. It’s tall, and near Buchanan.

VFM.

That’s us. We do stuff like this, you vote for us, we get money. When there is money to be won, anyway.

The Honour Roll.

Sushi in the basement of the SUB. It’s got a pun for a name, so you KNOW it’s gotta be good.

Wreck Beach.

It’s a beach. Clothing optional. But it’s not always the good kind of clothing optional. I don’t know, I’m not the best authority on Wreck Beach.

The 99 B-Line.

Urban legend says it was named after a very fast bee. Possibly will be replaced with a UBC Line. But you know, Translink. Hurrdurr jokes.

ACF.

Arts County Fair. It was a legendary party, or so I’ve heard. But it’s not around anymore, for one reason or another. Probably something to do with funding, or something to do with alcohol. No one talks about it much anymore, but for some, it will always be referred to as the “good old days”. It’s like an extreme UBC in-joke. If you can namedrop ACF into a conversation, then you’ve officially become 100% UBC.

Oh Koerner’s…

It appears that Koerner’s Pub has gotten themselves into trouble.. again. This time it’s less of a “what do you mean they are underage and loaded?”, and more of a “where did that $200 000 go?” Employees found out via a note (I like to think it was sticky):



The problem is that they’re losing money (le gasp). Last year Koerner’s lost approximately $150 000, which is about three times the average family income, or the student fees of around 2775 students. If they close to figure out a new game-plan, they won’t give a re-opening date so they don’t end up “between a rock and a hard place” with an angry mob of students everywhere else.






It’s not uncommon to hear students ponder on where this pub is. I certainly had no idea until this year. Perhaps increasing advertising & signage would help? The average person has difficulty drinking if they don’t know where the watering hole is.


The GSS will be voting on whether or not to close Koerner’s indefinitely TODAY (Thursday, May 19) at 5:00 pm (Grad Student Building – Ballroom). If you have a say in this matter, or just feel like watching some drama go down (unicorn popcorn anyone?) be sure to find your way to this mysterious location. (Sorry dear readers, an odd combination of Paris and math delayed this post)



There has been an outcry from some grad students, check out the facebook group here  . Apparently they LIKE drinking (whoda thunk it).

My solution to the problem: Drinking lessons for artsies! We already know the beautiful engineering crowd can down approximately 40 beers or so, but getting engineers into a social setting is unrealistic at best. Therefore, if the pub gains some unicorn luck and either stays open or re-opens eventually, make sure to get your drinking boots on and keep a campus pub afloat! Remember, a beer or two never hurt anyone, especially if you need a little courage before tackling that massive paper or enormous assignment.





The result of this vote should spread like the forest fires in Alberta. Let’s hope the news is a lot less depressing.


There goes my first post! I look forward to keeping you loyal masses informed over the next year and more! If you don’t like it, either give constructive criticism or risk getting pteradactyl’d at. ERTW forever.

Some News for N00bs, Spring Fling Edition

Why hello there, loyal readers. It’s been so long. We’ve partied at Block Party, procrastinated our studying for exams, and celebrated the end of the year. And now, summer school is upon some of you.
Do you know what else is upon you? The AMS. Oh, also, The Government. And the opposite sex. So hopefully you are getting your democratic freak on. Forgive me, I am way too tired to create epic doodles of grandiose proportions or write anything that is at all funny. Short and sweet, like that one night stand from last night, no?

There’s an Election Today, Go Vote

Vote! Vote! Vote! If you decide not to vote for our super awesome Premier who wears super duper awesome necklaces in super interviews about the super duper UBC Line (get it? she’s super), I don’t care. Just go vote if you live in the Vancouver-Point Grey riding. Polls are open from 8am-8pm and all the info is here.

AMS Council Returns With Doom II

Remember that painful debate about CASA? Yeah, well it’s going to happen again, tonight. At the same meeting where we’re discussing the preliminary budget, spending 40k to hire consultants on the Whistler Lodge, and having a whole slew of committee appointments. Lovely.

So, here’s the deal. The AMS voted to remain as Associate Members of CASA this year (we’d previously been Full Members, then were going to leave entirely until last second) for a lot of reasons. Mainly, it’s half the cost and people didn’t know what the budget situation was like, wanted to focus funds on provincial lobbying, and also had doubts about what CASA would actually do for UBC.
Fast forward two months and we’re in the same place again, because turns out that our fee is actually 3/4 the cost instead of half, due to this little gem from the CASA Constitution:
  • Associate Members shall work toward Full Membership through a two-year phase-in plan.  In the first year, Associate Members shall be assessed ½ of the full membership fee. In the second year, Associate Members shall be assessed ¾ of the Full Member fee and, at the end of the second year, must either become a Full Member, or revert to non-member status.  To qualify for this level of membership within CASA, a student association must not have been a Member during the most recent Fiscal Year.

So, basically, AMS Council should just decide whether or not to stay in CASA. It doesn’t make any sense to only be an Associate Member if the cost is 3/4 that of full membership, and the conference fees are all a fixed cost.

There have been grumblings that CASA didn’t prove just how awesome they were in this past election, when they had their moment to shine and show us what they got, so it should be interesting to see which way councillors will swing. All or nothing, dudes.

Confidential Gets More Blonde

Introducing our newest writer, Miss Alex of @thewoundeddeer Twitter fame. You mean, hawt blonde engineers exist? Why, yes they do. Be nice to our newest kitten as she navigates the inner workings of the hackosphere and drinks us all under the table while dominating at beer pong.

Anyway, since we like to embarrass everyone on the internet, here she is in all her red glory. Welcome, young padawan.

UBC Doesn’t Move to the NCAA After Three Years of Talking About It

Like, we don’t really care? It’s just sort of like that guy that you’ve been dating, and talked about moving in together, but it never actually happens and you just decide to keep doing your thing. Probably caused lots of drama, some fights, some deep long talks, all for nothing. But if you do care, go here. The burning question, though: Who has hotter athletes? The CIS or the NCAA?

Harper Won A Majority, UBC Vote Mob Gets 5k Views

So, yeah. This happened.

Other Internal Things Happened In the Hackosphere/Blogosphere

if you google search "toope" this is one of the top results.

Things happened that we probably can’t post, for fear of being sued by people we’ve slept with. Because, you know, that’s just way too Maury. Just rest assured that the hookup chart is getting even more incestuous, people aren’t speaking to other people, and summer is going to be verrrry fun for our gossip lovin souls.

Think this post was lame? Yeah, I think so too. Why don’t you do something about your annoyance and apply to be a blogger? That’s right, we’re hiring. Once VFM $$$ gets reinstated, you will be paid for your posts. Send a quick email to amsconfidential at gmail.com saying why you want to write for us, what you want to write about, whether you prefer unicorns or rainbows, and what your favourite meme is. Because we’re all getting old and want to share our hacktastic knowledge. XOXO

AMS Evicting The Ubyssey

The AMS is attempting to stop campus media from fucking under their own roof.

Early this morning, The Ubyssey student newspaper was served an eviction notice by the AMS due to their “inability to maintain SUB protocol and adhere to sanitation standards.” The Ubyssey currently has a large office in the SUB, and pays their rent by selling ad space to the AMS. This is starting to become a pattern for UBC, where recently the student union at UBC-Okanagan threatened to shut down The Phoenix newspaper altogether.

Health inspectors raided the Ubyssey offices late last night after receiving a concerning tip that a strong taint-like odour was coming from the Ubyssey offices. Upon inspection, there was an alarming amount of fecal manner found in today’s batch of newspapers. “I’ve never smelled that much taint in my life,” said VP Administration Mike Silley, who was present for the inspection.

The AMS had other grounds for eviction, besides the taint incident. According to former VP Admin Crystal Hon, The Ubyssey has been a health hazard since 2009. “I used to have to deal with them all the time – those rodents are disgusting,” said Hon. “The never ending garbage that is The Ubyssey is a constant pain in the AMS’ ass.”

Ekat, VP Admin for 2010 agrees with Hon. “The Ubyssey is just this place of negativity, they only look for the bad side. They never talk about how clean they will keep the new great awesome fantastic SUB, no wonder they attract so many toxins.”

Rumour has it that health hazards aren’t the real reason shit is literally hitting the fan for The Ubyssey.

The AMS is desperate to get back in the Social Justice Centre’s (SJC) theoretical pants after Gazapalooza. The SJC, who is known to complain about everything on campus, apparently tipped off the health inspectors after a rendezvous in the newspaper office ended poorly.

An anonymous source and member of the SJC, referred to as “Kassandra”, went back to the office after a typical Pit night. “I thought he was a good guy, he was part of the paper. Little did I know that him taking me back to his office meant him taking me in the hole.”

The Ubyssey’s interview room was not taped off upon our arrival at the scene, and a sign saying “The Hole” still hung from its door.

“When I got there, he told me he wanted to me to come in the hole, that it was the only place he felt was clean enough. I looked all around the office and agreed. The whole place was just so disgusting and the situation so scarring, I don’t think I’ll ever come again.”

Health inspectors refused to comment on what exactly was found on those questionable couches, but apparently it gets “slept” on frequently. “That co-ordinating editor? Apparently he sleeps there almost every night,” said Kassandra.

Silley did not confirm or deny that the AMS was evicting the Ubyssey in part to fornication. “There’s a reason we’re moving them out of the basement in the new SUB. Lots of windows,” he said.

The SJC is demanding that the AMS make the Ubyssey staff members take equity training, and apply affirmative action to their upcoming editor elections. Rumour has it that a whole SJC slate will be running under the slogan “fuck capitalism, not each other.”

The Culture Editors of The Ubyssey apparently find it sterile enough. (Indiana Joel illustration)

Don’t forget! Today is the spoof edition of The Ubyssey, so remember to pick itup. Also, all Ubyssey staff members are invited to the Annual General Meeting, which will be held in Council Chambers from 12-4pm today.

The EUS Is Weird

WIth only a few hours left in the EUS elections, we’re hoping you’ve all already put in the time and research to make informed democratic choices. But if you didn’t, check out this obviously timely and well-prepared post:

THE GOOD

What’s up, Ian Campbell. We knew Ian was running unopposed for VP Finance, because apparently most people—even those paid to do it—just kind of don’t like Finance positions:

And it takes a classy dude to admit Hey, I’m running in an uncontested race and then turn around and say, but it’s still my job to convince you that I’m the right person for the job.

But the real reason we <3 and are endorsing Ian:

1. He’s knowledgeable about AMS affairs, and we like his views on those;
2. He recognized us on a bus and we talked about the above for like half an hour (drunk time).
Yeah, we’re suckers for that sort of shit.

THE KIND OF JUST CONFUSING

Jannel Robertson is one of many running for AMS Rep. Unfortunately, her platform left us scratching our heads a little. (So did her legwarmers and Eminem pose.)

In amongst your boilerplate campus left material (tuition is too damn high, Gage South/Land Use—o hai not yr department) is this:

“Currently the AMS does not have an explicit policy on procedures dealing with sexual assault and violence. Without a policy that directly addresses sexual assault and violence the AMS is not demonstrating their dedication to student safety, a core aspect of student life. I will take action to create an official AMS policy on sexual assault and violence as well as training for AMS personnel, especially pub staff and security.”

Jannel’s Facebook has an extended platform:

“During my term, in order to prevent sexual assault or violence from occurring, I will work with Business and Facilities Committee and Student Life Committee to implement an official training program and workshops for all Pit Pub, Gallery and security staff. This way staff can recognize a potential situation before it develops and hopefully be able to prevent the event from occurring. They will know how to deal with disclosure and where to direct the individual to for support. Proper training of staff can raise awareness and help prevent future sexual assaults or violence from happening.”

Normally we would analyze this and talk about strong and weak points in Jannel’s argument, because it’s not commonplace in elections—and especially not in (stereotypically) male-dominated EUS elections—and therefore a worthy topic of analysis. But in the interests of Lady Feminism As Interpreted by Women I’ve Never Met, that would be wrong. So you know what? BLINDLY VOTE FOR JANNEL. She seems like a good person with a lot of unrelated volunteer experience, and her ideas could be worse. Also, she said ‘women’ and ‘sexual assault,’ so as a feminist, I’m legally obligated to find these good ideas for Council to address.

p.s. I’M SORRY WE CALLED YOU EMINEM, WE KNOW HE’S MISOGYNISTIC AND HOMOPHOBIC AND GLORIFIES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

THE JUST PLAIN RIDICULOUS

Jihua Zhou (Jay) is a third-year student with “several key issues to address”: parties.

See, a bureaucracy like the AMS will never have the efficiency that a smaller bureaucracy like a student society will ever have; therefore, THE AMS SHOULD JUST GIVE THE EUS THE MONEY FOR WELCOME BACK BBQ/BLOCK PARTY.

“For example for frosh week, instead of AMS hosting a concert they should instead give us the grassy knoll and funds so WE can host a giant kick ass party for the entire campus.”

Apparently, all of campus showed up to Oktoberfest and raised thousands of dollars for the EUS. Simple math proves that if you use more money and throw an even bigger party, even more people will show up, and raise thousands more dollars for the EUS!

Loooooooook, the AMS refused to underwrite more years of ACF because it was a bad idea. If the Engineers want to take a crack at this, that’s great—but in light of IMMINENT FINANCIAL MELTDOWN, I’m thinking hey, maybe this one waits a year.

“Realistic and practical solutions” indeed.

PS Brian Platt totally beat you to the Knoll party idea, foo.

WHAT THE HELL, BROSEPH

Look, we know Engineers aren’t exactly wordy types, but this particular ‘campaign point’ just takes the cake:

“Provide a wide range of opportunity for student involvement in all aspects of the External Portfolio, allowing UBC engineers to experience more than just the academics of university life”
I’ve been to petting zoos with less fluff than that statement. There are entire factories devoted to the creation of pillows and other find bedding which have less fluff.

We know you’ve got ideas, Ben Kernan, even if you don’t have a website. But this is ridiculous. And since you’re running in one of the most contested races, you may wish to step your game up.

It’s Gettin’ Hack in Here

So, we’re currently in the midst of UBC Votes elections…but who the hell cares? Scandal, hotness, we can’t seem to uncover you! What we have noticed, however, is the infiltration of an abundance of hot hacks on campus. Because this blog (and cough single editor cough) finds student politics extremely titillating, let’s get this verbal foreplay over with and get down and dirty with Canada’s finest Presidents and VP Externals visiting for the CASA Conference.

The CASA Team

photo taken by his grandma.

Alex Lougheed: After almost a year, UBC’s favourite policy wonk/the competition/not my ex-boyfriend has returned in a professional capacity as an employee of CASA. Only this time, his hair is more hipster and we stole his Athabasca trophy.

Jessica Seguin: Member Relations for CASA, she came to present at AMS Council last week and, well, Erik didn’t even try to hold back his enthusiasm for how hot she is. She is definitely a babe, but we have a piece of advice for you, darling: run!

he's interviewing with the globe and mail in this pic. knees, weak.

Zach Dayler: This National Director of CASA has his phone number on the internet and seems to be the perfect mixture between geek chic and awkward WASP. Oh, did we mention he was wearing hipster specs at Council last week? We’d also like to imagine that he is more of a rainbows than unicorns kind of guy who’d make you see double rainbows all night long.

Marianka Charalambij: For all you diligent readers who are secretly in love with Taylor but prefer blondes, this is the girl for you. Marianka is the Public Relations and Communications lady, worked at lululemon, and was also a cheerleader…like Taylor. Anyway, Marianka is also a TOTAL HOTTIE and probably has a super sexy accent to go along with her mad dragonboat paddling skillz.

Dalhousie Hotties

Okay, we’ve tweeted this before, but you HAVE TO WATCH THESE VIDEOS, both Chris and Rob seem freaking hilarious and totes droolworthy.

Chris Saulnier: President of DSU, we deem him the hottest hack on campus. Look at that smile! He even made a Justin Bieber themed election video! He’s an engineer, tweets, and enjoys the great outdoors (okay, we don’t, but we’ll imagine it’s charming). We’re just left daydreaming about whether he can juggle fire both in and out of the bedroom…

Rob LeForte: Any man that wears pink spandex has our heart forever. The VP Academic and External for DSU enjoys gangster rap, according to his Twitter. If only we could cuddle with him and a unicorn during a classic movie, all our carebear dreams would come true.

Other Notable Hotties

Hardave Birk: This UofC VP External fella wants to have Ekat’s babies, who can blame him? Plus, he has a freaking tumblr, that’s like the key to our hearts.

Nikki Harris: She has the best title ever, SOOO jealous…VP Princess Street. Yes, this is legit, apparently it’s some campus in Manitoba. Who wouldn’t want to date a princess, fellas?

We hope you’ve all gotten your fix of some serious eye candy, because the agenda for this conference is hella boring. And to all you delegates we skipped over, including our very own, forgive us. To those we did include, please don’t sue us. To everyone reading this from another student union who has never read Confidential before…start your own goddamn VoterMedia already! UNICORNS4EVER, SPARKLE TOGETHER <3


WE CAN HAZ MONIEZ!

Here are the results for the AMS Referendum!

13,574 voted with 28.9% turnout…huge increase since the 7800 on Wednesday.

  1. Housekeeping bylaws- YES – meaning we can have quorum for 500 people instead of 1000.
  2. AMS Bylaws – NO – failed to meet quorum
  3. U-Pass – YES – 95% yes, with 678 students who didn’t want the U-Pass
  4. Tuition policy – YES -meaning Council will now think about if they want to lobby for lower tuition, will probably not act on it.
  5. AMS Fees – YES – students voted 52% to 48% to increase the majority of students fees by $5. THE AMS IS SAVED.

It is a happy day for all those involved in any kind of activity at UBC…we’re not exactly sure how they pulled this off but they did! Congratulations!! Now, off to go drink ourselves silly. We’ll probably do something more in depth at a later date, but depending on how drunk we get this weekend, we might not. HEART YOU, READERS.

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

Have you ever dated someone who is passive aggressive? It’s pretty much the most annoying thing in the world, and almost impossible to change. Kind of like the 92% of students who haven’t  yet voted in the AMS Referendum. At first I was quite annoyed because the Referendum committee is sucking balls (last referendum ~23K students voted), but then I decided to just be passive aggressive like all the other students who haven’t voted yet. So, here’s why you shouldn’t vote:
#1 Democracy is a failure, at least, that’s what I’ve learned by reading Plato and shit. Also, something about a cave.

#2 I don’t drink alcohol, therefore I never get to enjoy $9.50 pitchers on campus.

#3 I’m celibate, so I never have to go to the Pit on Wednesdays to try and get laid. I also never use the AMS health plan to cover my birth control pills. Or cold medicine. Or antibiotics.

#4 My parents pay my tuition, so I don’t care if there’s a student society to lobby to the government about student loans, student aid, and shit like that.

#5 I’m graduating soon, so I don’t care about the $108 million brand new awesome SUB that is going to be built.


#6 All the VFM blogs are stupid, and I don’t like unicorns, therefore I don’t care if unicorn hack blogs exist.

some people draw devil horns on their exes, we think unicorn horns are cuter.

#7 I don’t like cheap but good food on campus, and I especially hate blue chip cookies.

okay, these look seriously so awesome.

#8 I never use the cheap Whistler Lodge. Whistler is stupid.

#9 I’m super smart so I don’t use the services, like free tutoring.

#10 Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

#11 I never get sick, so I never use the AMS health plan for prescriptions. I have perfect eyesight and teeth, too.

#12 I have no friends, so I’m not a member of any clubs that would benefit from a Club Benefits Fund.

#13 I hate getting drunk at outdoor concerts like Block Party and Welcome Back BBQ (and thus have never made out with Mike Duncan)

gerald deo photo

#14 I hate the earth. Screw a sustainability fee, worms are stupid.

#15 I never use my mother fucking U-Pass.

Oh, plus: I will never be sexually assaulted, and none of my friends will. Because I can totally control that, so there’s no need for me to consult with the Sexual Assault Support Centre.

Yeah, so, there’s probably at least one reason why you should vote for the “$5” increase. I’m going to go drink cheap beer now.

For more information on the referendum, check out our page here.

Video Killed the VM Star

Something that we can’t do as a VoterMedia blog (okay, something we can’t do well, if you remember our endorsement video) is create really cool videos that are sure to become! viral! and create! student! engagement!

However, what we can do is showcase/make fun of them all for you.

For more information on the referendum, check out our 2011 AMS Referendum page.

Case Study #1: What the Fuck is Tilt Shift, Anyway?

The AMS commissioned a super cool video to be made so that thousands of students will see it and get super stoked to vote in the AMS Referendum. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what is so cool about this “tilt shift” thing. Apparently it is supposed to make UBC look like a menacing Polly Pocket but instead it just looks like you filmed from really far away. Yeah, I’m probably going to fail my Film Studies class.

Case Study #2: Awwwh, look at that cute kid who wants to be President!

This wins best video, hands down. Major props to the NO campaign for not shelling out thousands to create a video and doing a damn good job about it. This video takes on the spirit of American political ads, that is, not everything is true (Jeremy was sarcastically joking about his salary raise, for example). But, the little costume beard, black and white effect, and political seal are really all it takes to make this shit hilarious. Bitches are suckers for those chubby cheeks, right?

Our friends over at SyrupTrap have this to say:

Regardless of how you plan to vote this week, this video from the ‘Vote NO For AMS Fees But Yes On The UPass’ campaign probably won’t convince you to do anything except maybe thank your parents that you don’t have to live with a younger brother that is this annoying (and to shout at them if you do). The creators of the video use some younger kid to stand in for Jeremy McElroy, apparently making the argument that the AMS President’s request that you vote ‘Yes’ sounds equally ridiculous coming from both peoples’ mouths. What this video really does, however, is annoy the shit out of us.

Case Study #3: The Semi-Inspirational Video

The Ubyssey made a video of their own (OMG their video editor is awesome, have you seen his shit?) in an attempt to use their earned media to inspire the masses. Thumbs up for the flashy text and dolla dolla dolla bills signs, yo.

Case Study #4: The Presidential Videos

These VOTE YES videos are purely informational. Props to Jeremy for the purple shirt, but oh god that music is annoying. This is Jeremy talking about the fees, and there’s a whole slew of others talking about FAQs on their YouTube channel. Watch if you have the hots for Elin or Jeremy, otherwise it’s probably faster and more entertaining to read information.