TO: Max Foran, The Scribes writing team member
FROM: Christina Hruby, The Scribes writing team member
DATE: June 21, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer review of your research proposal for CIBC Wood Gundy
Thank you for submitting your research proposal. It was an enjoyable and informative read. The subject of investigation, working remotely, is a growing reality made pertinent by the Covid pandemic. Please consider the following feedback and recommendations.
First Impressions:
This is an impressive research proposal. It is well organized and direct, enabling the reader to easily grasp the current situation at CIBC Wood Gundy and see the benefit of the proposed solution.
Content:
- The document has all the necessary components of a research proposal: Introduction, Statement of Problem, Proposed Solution, Scope, Methods, Qualifications, and Conclusion.
- Introduction- strong, clearly explaining how Covid has changed work environments at CIBC. The intended reader of the formal report and a brief background of their knowledge and motivations could strengthen the document.
- Statement of the Problem- provides information regarding high rental expenses and increased instances of working from home, but does not specifically state that rental space, that is not being used as a result of Covid, is draining funds or reducing profitability.
- Proposed Solution- concise and to the point.
- Scope- includes an excellent example of research questions.
- Methods- clearly explains the manner in which data will be collected and identifies research subjects.
- Qualifications- could be strengthened by including the job title or work responsibilities assigned during your 3 years at CIBC Wood Gundy.
- Conclusion- provides a good summation of the priorities of competitive business. Identifying the type of research (feasibility) and the goal of the formal report provides a strong finish to the document.
Organization:
- Adjust spacing between sections to allow for uniformity throughout the document.
- Add numbering to questions in Scope section to conform with research proposal template.
Expression:
- Overall, the expression throughout the proposal is even and concise.
- Some phrases include the use of pronouns, which is not recommended for this type of document. For example:
- The nature of the business has typically required them to lease expensive office space in central…
- In Toronto alone, CIBC Wood Gundy has four downtown branches (all within walking distance of one another) for which they must pay expensive…
- However, we must also consider how this decision will impact the employees themselves.
Grammar:
- There are a few instances when sentence structure could be adjusted to reduce the wordiness of the text or improve flow. For example:
- “CIBC Wood Gundy is a full-service investment brokerage that exists in many locations across many different cities in Canada.” A few words can be eliminated through the use of commas: CIBC Wood Gundy, a full-service investment brokerage, exists in many locations across different Canadian cities.
- “The recent transition to full-time remote work which has affected many employees across Canada and the world should be viewed as a welcome sign to the future of business operations.” This sentence could use commas to enclose the subordinate clause: “, which has affected many employees across Canada and the world,”
Concluding Comments:
The document shows insight and thoughtful consideration of a relevant issue. The research conducted by this investigation will be very useful to CIBC. With the following edits, this will be an even stronger document.
- identify and provide background information about the intended audience of the formal report
- reduced use of pronouns
- clearly state CIBC Wood Gundy’s problem
- adjust sentence structure to reduce wordiness and improve flow
- refer to textbook template for proper spacing and numbering
It has been a pleasure reviewing this proposal document. Hopefully, the suggestions are helpful. Please, do not hesitate to ask any questions.
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