TO: Joanna Yu, Thoth writing team member
FROM: Zainab Rauf Tramboo, Thoth writing team member
DATE: June 22, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer review of your research proposal for Shota Sushi
Thank you for submitting your research proposal. It was an enjoyable and informative read. The subject of determining environmentally-friendly take-out food containers for our local Vancouver restaurants is the need of the hour amidst climate change. Please consider the following feedback and recommendations.
First Impressions:
This is a well written and easy to read research proposal. It is well structured, precise, and direct, allowing the reader to easily understand the current situation at Shota Sushi and see the need for researching on the proposed subject.
Content:
- The document has all the components necessary for a formal research proposal: Introduction, Statement of Problem, Proposed Solution, Scope, Methods, Qualifications, and Conclusion.
- Introduction: Briefly introduces the restaurant at the focus. Accurately explains the restaurant’s large use of non-biodegradable and toxic Styrofoam containers for take-out orders. The introduction could end with a statement stating how not enough attention is paid to your subject of restaurants using Styrofoam containers for take-out, which could give the reader more direction and motivation to read further.
- Statement of the Problem: The use of data is highly appreciated as it makes the reader understand the gravity of the problem. But the statement of the problem does not specifically state how Styrofoam containers are harmful to our health, in terms of what are the consequences. It would also put more of an impact if the statement of the problem briefly explained the reason why Styrofoam containers are not biodegradable i.e. the toxins present and its long term consequences.
- Proposed Solution- Concise but the first and third statement seem repetitive. They could be condensed and formed into one.
- Scope: Includes excellent areas of inquiry. Another research question that could be considered is regarding the view of regular customers about the importance of replacing Styrofoam containers.
- Methods: Clearly explains the manner in which data will be collected and identifies research subjects. However, via both primary (surveys) and secondary research, one could look into if there has been a surge in customers boycotting restaurants who are not environment friendly. Good numerical data could be collected this way to show the importance of being environmentally friendly in order to maintain profits.
- Qualifications: Precise and to the point. Stating about the network built at Shota Sushi while the part-time experience would convey the ease one has to access information.
- Conclusion: Provides an excellent summation of the entire proposal and the four areas of inquiry.
Organization:
- Can use bullet points for stating the solutions.
- Proper use of line spacing between sections allowed uniformity throughout the document.
Expression:
- The expression throughout the proposal is formal, concise, and even.
- Overall, a very appropriate style is used that facilitates how professionally the information is conveyed.
Grammar:
Minor grammatical errors are present such as;
- “Styrofoam containers that are ‘disposed’ in landfills” should be ‘disposed of’
- “To ‘asses’ the feasibility of the proposed solutions…” should be ‘assess’
- “Styrofoam emits toxic chemicals that ‘is’ both harmful” should be ‘are’
- “Not only will……, it may also affect Shota Sushi’s business” should be “Not only will……, but it may also affect Shota Sushi’s business”
Concluding Comments:
The document is insightful and thoughtful as it considers a relevant issue that needs to be answered for the betterment of the entire world. The research conducted by this investigation will be very useful, not only for Shota Sushi but many of our local Vancouver restaurants.
To summarize, here are the proposed edits:
- Clearly state how Styrofoam containers are harmful to our health
- Very briefly explain what makes Styrofoam containers not biodegradable and its long term consequences
- Proofread again to fix minor grammatical errors
- Use bullet points for the possible solutions
Thank you for your excellent work. Hopefully, these suggestions are of help to you. Please, do not hesitate to ask any questions.
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