To: Money Dhaliwal
From: Cathy Liu
Date: June 24, 2020
Subject: Peer Review: Proposal for Installing an Automatic Car Wash
Dear Money,
I have completed looking over your formal proposal for installing an automatic car wash machine at White Rock Honda. I enjoyed reading your proposal and have a couple suggestions for you.
First Impression:
Your proposal is clear and easy to relate to. The language you use is accessible to all readers as it does not use any unnecessary jargon. The issue you are describing is one that readers can quickly identify and understand where the problem is. The benefits from an automatic car wash are also something drivers can agree with.
Overall Organization:
Your formal proposal is well organized, correctly following the outline given. The bold titles make it easy to discern each section and allows the reader to navigate through your proposal quickly. None of your sections are too lengthy, it is an appropriate length that keeps the reader’s attention.
Content:
Introduction
- Your introduction clearly outlines the problems different car wash systems have and is brief but descriptive in the two options you provide. My suggestion for your introduction is to include more information first about White Rock Honda instead of just mentioning “dealership” as a whole. This allows the reader to know exactly which location you will be targeting in your introduction.
Problem Statement
- Your problem statement is short and concise, stating directly White Rock Honda’s current car washing method and the problems that arise from it.
Scope
- The questions you ask are fair and well-rounded. They cover questions that need to be asked both for automatic car washes and manual car washing.
- Another question you could ask is how much money would it take to maintain an automatic car wash – this could be a follow up question to how many cars are washed per day since you would need enough income to cover costs of maintenance and so on.
Methods
- Your methods of conducting research will give you some data, but you will need to interview customers as well so you can get their feedback on the questions you propose. Interviewing the employees only will not give you the information you need about the customer experience.
Grammar and Typos:
- Your final sentence under methods could use some clarity: “and any other aspects I may be leaving out for”. In your proposal it is also missing a period at the end of the sentence.
- Your final sentence in conclusion could also use some fixing as it was difficult to read the first time through: While the upfront cost would be high a breakeven point would likely be reached after the cost savings via labour and customer complaints..”
Concluding Comments:
Overall, your proposal is interesting and well constructed. It is well organized and answers the questions nicely. I think it is a valid proposal to make, and the changes you are suggesting for White Rock Honda will be helpful for them. I hope you find these small suggestions helpful for improvement. If you have any further questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to me. Thank you.
Here is Money’s proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/06/19/research-proposal-money-dhaliwal/
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