Peer review – Jie Su

To: Jie Su

From: Alison Ma

Date: June 20, 2020

Subject: Review of your Formal Report Proposal

 

Hi Jie,

I have reviewed the first draft of your Final Report Proposal. Your proposed idea of increasing the number of participants in the annual general meeting in the Monet community is a fresh idea. I like your determination to increase community engagement as a member of the neighbourhood that you are living in. Please see below my comments on your proposal.

 

Research Idea:

Since you are researching about a community you have been living in, the feasibility is easy to carry out. In terms of the statement of problem, it is really clear that the participation rate is surprisingly low in the community by showing the numbers, which is a good research for you to explore.

In terms of your scope of the area of inquiry, I would recommend setting targets of how many people to interview in your neighbourhood. Interviewing all the people would be excellent but also hard to carry out. It would be better to interview the important stakeholders and people whose voices are more representative.

 

Organization:

The flow of your report is easy to follow. You had an introduction, following a statement of problem in the Monet community that you realized, and then your proposed solutions and scope of research to cover.

To improve on, I think you could explain clearer in your introduction. It is a bit hard to understand the organization of the Monet community as I had to read it slowly a few times in order to fully understand. I would recommend removing some unnecessary information, such as the “16-story high rise building with a 6-story midrise building”.

 

Voice:

In terms of voice, I think some of your dictions could be more professional since this is a formal report writing; the style of writing should be more formal as well. For example, in the Proposed Solution, instead of saying “to make some shy people feel relaxed”, you could say “to make people feel more comfortable or at ease in the meeting”.

In terms of grammar, there are some minor mistakes in your proposal. Below are some examples of your grammatical mistakes:

• Introduction:
  “A strata manager will be assigned to [be in] charge[d] of daily affairs for strata daily management.
• Proposed Solution:
  “The council meeting can be held by electronic means [.] As another alternative option […]” You missed a foot stop in this sentence.
• Scope:
  “To dig into the reason[s] why the resident participation rate is decreasing in order to come up with solutions, I plan to pursue seven areas of inquiry”
  I think this sentence is including too much information. You could say “To dig into the reason[s] why the resident participation rate is decreasing, I plan to pursue seven areas of inquiry” or “In order to come up with solutions to find out the reasons why resident participation rate is decreasing, I plan to pursue seven areas of inquiry.”

 

I hope my recommendations are helpful for you to complete your report. I really like your research idea as it is interestingly challenging. I am looking forward to your report at the end of the term. Please do not hesitate to contact me should you have any questions upon reading this proposal review.