3.1 Peer Review for Kathryn Simone’s Memo — Jie Su

To: Kathryn Simone, ENGL 301 Student
From: Jie Su, ENGL 301 Student
Date: July 23, 2020
Subject: Peer Review on Writing with You Attitude for Kathryn Simone

Thank you for your best practices on the principles applied to You Attitude. Your memo is easy to read with a clear flow in it. Here are some small details provided below for your consideration.

First Impressions

• The suggestions are clear and hitting the main requirements of You Attitude.
• The memo successfully applies condescension by eliminating unnecessary imperatives.
• Strong statements in the conclusion section make the reader aware of the important contents of the memo.

Organization

• The structure is well-organized with subheadings and bullet points.
• The memo going with a clear flow, starting from an introduction to a conclusion, makes it easy to read and stands out the most important part as the middle section.

Implementation of You Attitude

The memo prompts the suggestion of considering the reader’s view. It suggests the author to consider the need of the reader rather than solely focusing on the author’s aim, like getting a response before 3 pm. Moreover, by suggesting Eva Crisp to thanks the reader, this memo indicates one of the key rules of You Attitude, that is to express appreciation when requesting for help. However, there are multiple points for suggestions.

• Avoiding beginning a memo with “I” or “We.”. Instead, starting with “you,” to make the audiences believe the most important person is them to make a positive impression.

  Original Writing: I have reviewed your email to request placement in an at-capacity class.
  Rewrite Suggestion: Thank you for providing the email to request placement in an at-capacity class.

• Being concise in the first graph first helps avoid a wordy situation, second make the article easy to read.
• Replacing the imperatives with “ing” verbs and nouns makes the article considerate of the reader and create a polite tone.

  Original Writing: Instead of “bahaguy5454@hotmail.com”, communicate with your academic UBC email.
  Rewrite Suggestion: Instead of “bahaguy5454@hotmail.com”, communication with your academic UBC email will result more professionally and formally.

• Multiple places are using the “You” pronoun in the body graph. Avoiding using the pronounce “You” in the body section will help to decrease the chance of creating a negative impression, especially when giving out advice.

  Original Writing: Mentioning that you are going to the beach at 3 pm and requesting an answer before then is unprofessional as it shows that you think that your leisure time is more important than their working time, as is mentioning that you will be on vacation for the beginning of the term.
  Rewrite Suggestion: Mentioning to have an answer before 3 pm is unprofessional as it shows the author’s time is more important than the reader’s working time.

• Focusing on what can be done will de-emphasize what can not be done to emphasize the positive.
   
  Original Writing: If you have any questions regarding the strategies listed above, do not hesitate to contact me at kathrynsimone @alumni.ubc.ca.
  Rewrite Suggestion: If you have any questions regarding the strategies listed above, please feel free to contact me at kathrynsimone @alumni.ubc.ca.

Writing Style and Grammar

• The language is smooth, and the words and phrases are precise; as a result, this article is easy to read.
• The writing tone is friendly, and the formality level is appropriate.
• There are no grammar mistakes found in the memo, which is excellent.

Conclusion

Your article concisely and effectively uses the basic principles of You Attitude. To make it more complete, please consider the following suggestions.

• Avoiding starting your memo with “I” or “We.” to show the consideration of the reader’s view and to emphasize the importance of the reader.
• Eliminating the use of “You” in the body graph helps the creation of a positive impression.
• Focusing on what can be done will be helpful in de-emphasizing the unsure and indecisive.
• Avoiding unnecessary use of the imperatives and replacing them in “ing” verbs and nouns create a positive impression.

Thank you for providing a great writing memo for You Attitude. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at mandysu@students.ubc.ca.

Enclosure:
Kathryn Simone’s You Attitude Memo Link