Memorandum
To: Zachary Goldman, Student
From: Matthew De Rose, Student
Date: June 24, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of “Memorandum to Evan Crisp”
Thank you for submitting this thorough review of Evan Crisp’s email based on the You-Attitude criteria. The following are a list of comments and recommendations regarding your review that you may want to take into consideration:
Imperative Language
- Avoiding imperative language will help ensure the reader isn’t singled out and that the recommendations made provide useful information instead of instructions. One example of this is “Appropriate forms of address…” can be changed to “Using appropriate forms of address…”. Another example is “Abstain from using…” which can be changed to “Abstaining from using…” to make the recommendation less imperative.
Organization
- Further subdividing of the recommendations into categories helps the reader better understand the key areas they need to focus on developing in their writing. For instance, the last four recommendations could be further grouped into Professional Tone for the recommendations that started with “Abstain from using colloquialisms…” and “Simply being polite…” and Information Prioritization for the recommendations that discussed which information should be included excluded (i.e. the recommendations that began with “Keeping the email short and concise…” and “Explain the situation clearly…”)
Concise Language
- Using concise language helps ensure that the a review is clear and to the point. For example “by providing some (not a ton) of detail” can be condensed to “by providing pertinent details”. Another example “Simply being polite” can be condensed to “Being polite…”.
Examples
- Providing more direct examples to substantiate any recommendations made will help provide specific references to the patterns in Evan Crisp’s writing that might need adjustment in order to improve how he conveys his request to the professor . For instance in the recommendation that began with “Keeping the email short and concise…” it would have benefited from direct examples of where the writing was not “short and concise”.
Overall, you provided a very thorough review of Evan Crisp’s email that provided many helpful recommendations to help him write a stronger email to his professor that will be more likely to garner a response. If you have any questions or concerns about any recommendations for your review please feel free to contact me at matthew.david.derose@gmail.com .
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