TO: Jie Su
FROM: Kathryn Simone
DATE: July 24, 2020
SUBJECT: Peer Review of “You-Attitude” Email Memo to Evan Crisp
I have reviewed the email sent to Evan Crisp regarding his use of “You-Attitude”, well done! It is clear that there was considerable time and effort invested to help his email be taken seriously by his reviewer. I have made some notes below that I believe will be useful in making the review even stronger.
- The email is very non-confrontational and reads like you truly want what is best for him. The writing style critiques his writing without being condescending, good work!
- In your introduction, I suggest framing the reason for your memo, and briefly allow the reader to gain insight into what your memo will contain.
- Starting the introduction out with some acknowledgement of his email and some praise will convey respect and make him more likely to take your advice.
Use of You-Attitude
- Good work with avoiding imperative statements, which can sound authoritative and off-putting. The way you have phrased these sentences using the present participle (“considering” or “avoiding”) is a more non-confrontational method of relaying information.
- Some points seemed incomplete — for example, “Being specific, concise, and informative in the subject line” should read something like “Being specific, concise, and informative in the subject line is important because…”.
- There are a few notable grammar issues throughout your memorandum.
“Expressing appreciation at the end in the Email writing of asking for help.”
Perhaps could read:
“Expressing appreciation at the end of your email can show gratitude and may increase the likelihood of a positive response from your professor.”
“Eliminating slang and abbreviations, but being formal by in the closing by statements like “Sincerely, Your Name” instead.”
Perhaps could read:
“In your closing statement, avoiding the use of slang and abbreviations can make you come across as more formal; try something like “Sincerely, Your Name” instead.”
Taking these points into consideration will make an already strong email into an even better one. The information is relayed effectively and politely, keep up the good work! If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at email@example.com.