To: Joanna Yu, ENGL 301 Student
From: Cynthia Li, ENGL 301 Student
Date: August 7, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Determining the Feasibility of Switching to More Environmentally Friendly Take-Out Food Containers at Shota Sushi
Thank you for submitting the formal report draft of Determining the Feasibility of Switching to More Environmentally Friendly Take-Out Food Containers at Shota Sushi. The research both primary and secondary was very thorough and provided excellent context in outlining and supporting the subject matter and content of the draft. There was much information and delivered concisely as well as straightforwardly. Some revision in organization and sectioning may be beneficial. Please consider the following during editing:
Content
- The primary and secondary research is thoroughly done and provides backup information to support the report
- Eg. in II. Introduction – A. Background & Problem Statement:
- Combining the two provides necessary context to the reader and effectively helps them in better understanding the correlation between the secondary research and the problem and the report itself
- Eg. in II. Introduction – A. Background & Problem Statement:
- The recommendation section uses information presented in the report above, clearly showcasing the importance of the main problem, the thorough analyzation of the data and finally ways to improve. The recommendations are achievable and planned with the primary and secondary research in mind.
Organization
Formatting:
- There are clear headings and sub headings to guide the reader in understanding the next section
- There are defined headings using bold and the sub headings are further clarified with letters such as A. B. C. etc.
- The page numbers correlate with the “Table of Contents”
- There are bullets and number’s used and some sections may benefit from more
- Eg. II. Introduction – D. Methods:
- Numbers such as 1.) 2.) 3.) that were used in other sections later on, can be used here for consistency. Doing so will also combine similar topics together for organization of information, such as putting the multiple interviews conducted under one section.
- 1.) Interviews: … 2.) Observations: … 3.) Surveys: …
- Numbers such as 1.) 2.) 3.) that were used in other sections later on, can be used here for consistency. Doing so will also combine similar topics together for organization of information, such as putting the multiple interviews conducted under one section.
- Eg. II. Introduction – D. Methods:
Flow:
- The organization of the general layout and the organization of the content within the sections themselves are logical to read
- Eg. within II. Introduction – A. Background & Problem Statement:
- There is a clear beginning and end, from general information to the specifics of the problem
- Huge restaurant industry —> huge amount of waste —> connection to Shota Sushi —> specifically to styrofoam —> outlining problems with styrofoam
- There is a clear beginning and end, from general information to the specifics of the problem
- Eg. within II. Introduction – A. Background & Problem Statement:
- Overall, the writing is concise and to the point. There are no unnecessary statements or extra information that do not serve a purpose to the report.
- Eg. IV. Conclusion – A. Summary of Findings:
- Since the information in previous sections was so thorough, the summary condenses the main points greatly
- Eg. IV. Conclusion – A. Summary of Findings:
- Removing extra words or sentences in some sections makes for a cleaner presentation
- III. Data Section – C. Alternatively Environmentally Friendlier Food Take-Out Containers:
- Minor fixes such as “…specifically designed to store food to protect food”—> “store and protect food”
- Eg. II. Introduction – D. Methods & III. Data Section – E. Research and Analysis:
- The methods are mentioned twice. As mentioned above in Formatting, using numbers in the first mention (II. Introduction – D.) can replace the need for extra words or sentences such as “additionally… moreover… also”
- III. Data Section – C. Alternatively Environmentally Friendlier Food Take-Out Containers:
Style:
- The tone remains neutral and objective. It is highly professional when delivering information such as statistics, content from interviews & surveys and remains so otherwise such as in analysis and recommendations.
- There is a consistently positive tone. The words and structure of them remain hopeful.
- Eg. II. Introduction – A. Background Information & Problem Statement:
- Though this section could have come off as negative due to the connotation of there being a problem, the attitude was flipped into what could be done instead and therefore kept positive.
- Eg. II. Introduction – A. Background Information & Problem Statement:
- There is no hint of bias throughout because the tone is in line with YOU-Attitude.
Design
- The graphics are well chosen to communicate with the reader effectively such as using a bar graph to represent data. The labels are detailed and the figures integrate smoothly into the report with the help of text that guides the reader where and what to look for.
- Eg. III. Data Section – E. Research and Analysis:
- Directing where the figures are and quickly summarizing them works in harmony to effectively deliver the information
- Eg. III. Data Section – E. Research and Analysis:
- The design of the report has a good balance of text and visuals.
- The spacing of the visuals is especially appealing. They are far enough from each other to give breathing room between text, which breaks up large amounts of information into smaller, more easily understood parts.
- Clarifying Figure. 1 in III. Data Section – A. Food Items Packed In Styrofoam Take-Out Food Containers can strengthen the report
- The purpose of the figure is somewhat confusing. The food items are listed but in a table format. I am unsure if the document opened differently on my laptop and there is additional text such as numbers listing which items use styrofoam take-out food containers from most to least or otherwise!
Spelling & Grammar
- There are only minor typos and grammatical errors
- Eg. III. Data Section – C. Alternatively Environmentally Friendlier Food Take-Out Containers:
- “…are also be lined” —> “…are also lined”
- Eg. III. Data Section – C. Alternatively Environmentally Friendlier Food Take-Out Containers:
Conclusion
The draft of the report shows the importance of education on environmentally friendly alternatives and applying the knowledge when possible. To summarize:
- Clarification of the purpose of Figure 1 to add to the logical flow of the report
- Consistent organization style & reducing extra text
- Numbers and listing can be used
- Repetitive words in a sentence
Thank you for the informative draft, it was enjoyable to read. I hope some of these suggestions are helpful when revising. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns @ cynthiali98@gmail.com. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Cynthia
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