Peer Review Formal Report Draft for Jiajie

TO:  Jiajie Xu, ENGL 301 Student

FROM: Zainab Rauf Tramboo, ENGL 301 Student, Reviewer

DATE:  August 7^th 2020

SUBJECT: Peer Review of Analyzing the Develop Trend of Human-Caused Wildfire Distribution within Okanagan Valley

 

Thank you for submitting the draft of your formal report: Analyzing the Develop Trend of Human-Caused Wildfires Distribution within Okanagan Valley. It was an informative read looking into person-caused wildfires in the Okanagan Valley, British Columbia, which lead to a large number of losses on both natural resources and human beings for a long-term period Strengths of the report include a strong insight to the issue, the execution of proper research with a detailed presentation of the data, visible expertise, and great recommendations for a solution.

Adjusting the design of some figures, making a few organizational fixes, and correcting a few grammatical errors would improve the final draft. Please consider the following feedback during revision:

 

First Impressions:

The topic has been well researched with all key areas of investigation thoroughly analyzed. All core elements of the report are present as well as several figures displaying the analyses have been used, contributing to a detailed and comprehensive report. Recommendations appear to be beneficial to the writing conveys that the author is confident with the report.

 

Organization:

• Tables of contents are well divided and precise.
• There is a logical flow and transition between all the subheadings and parts of the report.
• Formatting of page numbering conforms to provided guidelines in the textbook.
• Adjusting the running head on the title page and automating it to run in subsequent headers will enhance the layout of the report.
  • The running head should read “Running Head: CAUSAL ANALYSIS”, with subsequent pages having only “CAUSAL ANALYSIS”.
• Paragraph/subsection headings are easily well-spaced and formatted.

 

Content:

Instructions for the assignment stated writing a formal report approximately 12 to 15 pages in length. Although the report contains valuable information, it currently contains 20 pages. Selecting the most important facts and figures may help in filtering out less essential information.

• Detailed here are some highlights from the three main sections of the draft:
  • Introduction:
    • The Introduction is brief and to the point. It provides important background detail in general, with respect to British Columbia, and identifies the major problem and its potential solution.
    • Some reference to your appendices/surveys regarding the methods that lead to the description written in the introduction would be insightful.

• • Data Section:   
    • Spacing between figures can be improved by reducing the image sizes, aligning the images to the centre, and also choosing to selecting to range the data/ images from 1980 onwards instead of all the way back to 1950.
    • Using easier to comprehend subtitles would be constructive. For example, under Data targeting and collecting, ok_landscape_units_boundary.shp: title could be rewritten as “Boundaries of sub-districts within the Okanagan Valley area”
    • The bulleted list “Comparing analyzed pattern” should be bolded to match the format.

• • Conclusion:
    • The conclusion is extremely detailed.
      • Describes the problem, the limitations, and the correlations of the findings in a brief yet precise manner.
      • Some information outlined might be beneficial in the introduction in order to emphasize the issue (e.g. cancellation of appointments).

• • • • It would be suitable to combine the “discussion” and conclusion” parts of the document to condense the report to the assignment page requirements.
      • Breaking down the ‘Conclusion’ into subheadings of “Summary of Findings, Interpretation of Findings, and Recommendations” would make the conclusion seem strategically planned, easy to read, and succinct.

Visuals/Figures:

• Overall, the images used for the Spatial Patten of Person-caused Wildfire over the years from the ArcGIS Kernel Density Estimation are clear, attractive, and easy to comprehend.
• Increasing the size of the axis titles used in the graph for the “Population density” and using more vivid and different colors for the trend lines could make the graph more appealing and readable.

References: MLA referencing format needs to be applied to follow the guidelines, for example for the referencing of “The Main Report of the Consultative Board. Canada – British Columbia Okanagan Basin Agreement. Victoria, British Columbia: British Columbia Water Resources Service. March 1974. p. 11. Retrieved 2015-10-25. the region is both scenically attractive and climatically desirable and has consequently experienced a rapidly expanding resident and tourist population growth” will be “CANADA- BRITISH COLUMBIA OKANAGAN BASIN AGREEMENT. www.waterbucket.ca/okw/sites/wbcokw/documents/media/53.pdf.”

Style/Tone:

• “You” attitude is properly employed throughout the document.
• No use of personal pronouns.
• The report has an even and friendly tone.
• No unnecessary or overly repetitive statements are made.

Grammar/Typos: 

• Several accidental grammar errors found which can be put under check by copy-pasting the body of the document into an email or on anywhere online. Please do contact if help is required in doing so.
• Word count of some sentences could be condensed. Here are some examples and possible alternatives:
  • “As the person-caused wildfires, such a big portion of wildfires, are being noted that they are preventable” could be written as ” A big portion of wildfires are person-caused wildfires, which are preventable”
  • “By way of conclusion, it would be worth to produce a broader and deeper research to have sufficient evidence to clarify the relationship between the develop trend of person-caused wildfire and factors on human beings.” could be written as “Overall, producing further deeper research to clarify the relationship between the developing trend of person-caused wildfire and factors on human beings, would be valuable.”

 Concluding Statements: 

This report evidently investigates the relationship between human-caused wildfires and deserves the attention of the British Columbia Government.  With the following suggestions, this report would be will be even stronger:

• Adding the running head to document.
• Adjusting the appearance of visuals to be more uniform and allow a reduction in the number of pages used.
• Expanding on or rephrasing subtitles under the “Data targeting and collecting” subheading.
• Combining the “discussion” and conclusion” parts of the document to condense the report.
• Breaking down the ‘Conclusion’ into subheadings of “Summary of Findings, Interpretation of Findings, and Recommendations”
• Fixing a few grammatical errors and condensing sentences.

It was a pleasure reviewing this draft. I hope you find the suggestions helpful in completing the formal report. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you.

301 Jiajie Xu Formal Reprot Draft