Formal Report Review for Aran Chang – Glen Kavaliunas

To: Aran Chang – The Scribblers writing team member

Cc: Erika Paterson, Eng 301 Instructor

From: Glen Kavaliunas – The Scribblers writing team member

Date: August 5, 2020

Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report – A Change to Scheduling Tutoring Sessions Between Tutors and Students through a Sign-In System

 

 Thank you for submitting the formal report: A Change to Scheduling Tutoring Sessions Between Tutors and Students through a Sign-In System. It was an educational read. Strengths of the report include proper reference style and a well researched topic involving appropriate research processes.  Adjustments to the formatting, proofreading and the addition of visuals would enhance the final draft report. Please think about the following feedback while making final revisions.

First Impressions: 

The problem in this report is thoroughly researched and the solution is realistic and logical. Some core elements of the assignment are missing such as two visuals. Including them in the final copy will enhance understanding and your grade. The writing implies an intimate knowledge of the subject matter.

Organization:

• The Title Page is spaced out well and all necessary information is present.
• Table of Contents is accurate and headings and subheadings are used well.
• Adding page numbers in the top right hand of the page is inline with MLA format. The abstract should be the prefix (numbered i, ii, iii, etc.) and page one should be the introduction.
• 12pt font is stipulated in MLA format. Page five switches to 10 pt font. Consistency makes it easier for the reader to follow.
• The first line of each paragraph should be indented (abstract)
• Where possible, using bullet points and incorporating white space will make the report more readable and will help important information stand out.
• In the Data section between Group Setting and One-on-One Setting there is an extra blank line. To maintain a consistent format, this should be removed.
• There is also extra space before “Results of Volunteer and Student Surveys”. Removing these extra spaces would maintain consistency.

Content:

Abstract

• In the first line, “…introduces students…”, it is unclear what or who the students are being introduced to.’
• Adding a statement about what the new /recommended process is would be helpful.

Introduction

The introduction is well organized and the flow is logical.

  a. Importance of Student Engagement in Learning

• The subheading has typo. Important should be changed to Importance.
• The first line leaves the question of why engagement is especially important for those who are a part of Pathways.
• In line two of the Introduction ‘Unifyed’ is paraphrased or quoted. A reference would be appropriate.
• The third sentence is subjective and confusing. Rewording the following statement may help clarify the meaning of “…relationship improves the personality …”

     b. Methods of Online Virtual Tutoring

• Using online and virtual in the same sentence in redundant.

                c. Success of Online Virtual Tutoring

• Using online and virtual in the same sentence in redundant.
• Sentence one discusses the benefits and cons. There do not appear to be any cons listed in this paragraph.
• The third sentence addresses what students report. What is the source for this information?

                d. Scope of This Inquiry

• Is this section necessary? Could the information be presented in the beginning of the introduction before the importance of student engagement is                                     addressed?

Data:

                a. Success of Virtual Learning in a…

                       i. Group Setting

• Information is direct and highlights the challenge of moving to an online environment.

                       ii. One-on-One Setting

• Information is concise and to the point.

                b. Scheduling Practices and Results

                       i. Interview Results from Surrey Branch of Pathways to Education

• The subheading should say from, not form.
• Pathways to Education should be capitalized as it is the proper name of the organization.
• Sentences four and five should be quotes or paraphrased and referenced.
• Sentence 7 is awkward and could benefit from some rephrasing. “Staff also admit the viability for better assigning more appropriate volunteers                                             to the needs of the students.” – Does not need to be possessive.

                c. Results of Volunteer and Student Surveys

                       i. Current Scheduling VS. Surrey Results

• The differences are nicely explained.
• Grammatical errors addressed below distract from meaning.

                       ii. Student and Volunteer Satisfaction

• This section could be more concise. See suggestions in the Grammar and Typos section below.

                       iii. Summary of Results

• Readers attention is held easier when information is interpreted for them. Rather than listing the questions and replies, could the information                                                be summarized in a more concise way?

                d. Areas for Improvement

                       i. Suggestions on practices made by Surrey Branch Staff

• This section could be edited for wordiness.
• Listing the suggestions in bullet form would make the recommendations clear.

Conclusion:

                a. Summary and Interpretation of Findings

• The restatement of the introduction at the beginning of this section is redundant. The section could start with sentence two.

                b. Recommendations

• Strong conclusion/recommendations. Very clearly written.
• Listing recommendations in point form can help with conciseness and highlights the main points.

 

Visuals/Figures:

• There are no visuals or figures included in this report. The final copy should incorporate at least two figures and/or visuals.

 References: Correct and complete referencing style was used. Good attention to detail.

 Style/Tone:

• The document has a friendly yet professional tone.
• “YOU” attitude was evident throughout the piece.
• The tone remained positive and avoided chastising the reader, even when identifying areas needing improvement.

Grammar/Typos: 

The document could use a thorough editing for typos and grammatical errors. Below are some suggested areas to focus on for these edits:

• Surrey is often missing the ‘e’. A search for ‘surry’ will reveal this error throughout the paper.
• In the Abstract, sentence three, “With the recent rising of the pandemic…” there is a tense issue. Changing Rising to rise will rectify it.
• In the Introduction:

– Importance of Student Engagement in Learning – sentence three – no comma is needed between “…driving change…” and “…and improving                                                  learning.”

 – Methods of Online Virtual Tutoring

– sentence one

• changing the tense of this sentence shows stronger resolve.
• non-synchronous should be asynchronous (same for sentence two)

– sentence three – awkward word choice. Changing invigilated to delivered would help clarify the meaning.

– Success of Online Virtual Tutoring – sentence one – consider using either “pros and cons” or “benefits and drawbacks” to end the sentence.

– Data Section: Effectiveness of Virtual Learning in a…Group Setting – sentence eight – tense issue with oppose. Consider changing to opposed.

– …One-on-One Setting

• sentence one – tense issues – Consider changing allowed to allows and provided to                                                                                                                                                                                                                  provides in order to rectify.
• sentence three – a comma is needed after “Thus”

– Scheduling Practices and Results: Interview results from Surrey Branch of Pathways to Education

• sentence one – Numbers should be written out in formal writing and abbreviations should be avoided.
• sentence five – In this case hour is not possessive and does not need an apostrophe.

– Results of Volunteer and Student Surveys: Current Scheduling vs. Student Surveys – sentence two – includes needs an ‘s’ on the end.

– Summary of Results

• question three – no comma is necessary.
• question five – In this case the word choice should be number rather than amount.

– Suggestions on Practice made by the Surrey Branch Staff – sentence four – consider changing “a days” to “one day”

– Conclusion: Summary and Interpretation of Findings – sentence one – provide needs an ‘s’ one the end to agree with encourages used earlier in the sentence.

 

With conciseness in mind, some sections should be reviewed. Here are some examples and possible substitutes:

• In the Introduction: Importance of Student Engagement in Learning – sentence one does not need the word currently.

– sentence two can end with the word content. The other words are not needed.

• Scope of This Inquiry – sentence one –

In the following report, it will focus on how often do students finish their work during the tutoring session, how often are sessions are cut short due to a lack of available tutors in a specific subject areas for the subject choice of the student, what time is preferred time for volunteers to sign up for tutoring sessions, what is the most preferred time for students and volunteers to host tutoring sessions, and what is the spread of required subject areas students most require aid in?

The report focuses on how often students finish their work during the tutoring session, how often sessions are cut short due to lack of available tutors in a specific subject areas, preferred time for volunteers to sign up for tutoring sessions, preferred time for students and volunteers to host tutoring sessions, and required subject areas students most require aid in.

 

• Data Section: Effectiveness of Virtual Learning in a …Group Setting – sentence one

Much like group work in a non-virtual setting, group work can be an effective method to motivate students, and encourage active learning.

Group work can be an effective method to motivate students, and encourage active learning.

 

…One-on-One Setting – sentence one

Unlike the group setting, the one-on-one setting allowed students to obtain more specialized help and provided a closer connection compared to students in the group setting.

Unlike the group setting, the one-on-one setting allows students to obtain more specialized help and provides a closer connection. 

 

– Scheduling Practices and Results: Interview results from Surrey Branch of Pathways to Education – sentence one

Based on the interview with GM Melissa Lee, Vice GM Brenda Lao, and scheduling manager Ferrell Docherty, pathways to education is aware of the current improvements that can be made to aid both their students, but also their volunteers and staff.

Based on the interview with GM Melissa Lee, Vice GM Brenda Lao, and scheduling manager Ferrell Docherty, pathways to education is aware of improvements that can be made to aid their students, volunteers and staff.

 

– sentence three

In a similar line, the schedule changes almost daily, whether by the request of the student or the volunteer.

The schedule changes almost daily, by request of the student or the volunteer.

 

– sentence six

Lastly, all interviewees showed support in the implementation of a sign-in system for virtual tutoring, to aid in alleviating stress of scheduling from both the student, volunteer and staff.

All interviewees supported the implementation of a sign-in system for virtual tutoring, to alleviate stress of scheduling for students, volunteers and staff.

 

– Results of Volunteer and Student Surveys: Current Scheduling vs. Student Surveys – sentence four

Such methods make scheduling more finite for the volunteers and students as they are able to expect the date of tutors days in advance; however, this method falls short when students wish to add or change their times of availability, which has been explained to happen frequently in the past.

Scheduling is more finite for the volunteers and students when able to plan tutors days in advance; however, when students wish to add or change their times of availability this method is challenging.

 

– Student and Volunteer Satisfaction – sentence one

Similar to the results described above, both students and volunteers showed interest in wanting to changing the current methods of scheduling, in order to better accommodate each of their needs.

Similar to the results described above, both students and volunteers showed interest in changing the current methods of scheduling.

 

– sentence two

Students often find themselves wanting to book more sessions beyond the listed dates.

Students want to book sessions beyond the listed dates.

 

– sentence four

This system has created instances where students report to have less than optimal learning conditions during their tutoring sessions

Students report less than optimal learning conditions during their tutoring sessions.

 

Concluding  Statements: 

Reading this report was informative and enjoyable. Hopefully the suggested revisions are helpful.  Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Thank you.

Link to Aran Chang’s Formal Report Draft: Eng 301 – Aran Chang – Formal-Report-Draft