The previous post went over some basic lingo you’ll need to know to get around UBC. In The Ubyssey’s first year issue, they go more in depth with everything you need to know on campus. We won’t even try to offer the same information, but we can aid all of you inspiring student politicians who show up to the first AMS Council meeting of the year…never to be seen again.

Hack: A term used to describe someone in student politics. Yes, it is an actual word, but we use it more to describe a general group of people on the inside who are slightly (or super) wonky. #hacktastic is also a hashtag.

LPC: Not the Liberal Party of Canada, but rather the Legislative Procedures Committee (previously referred to as LeProComm). They deal with code, bylaws, and other fun things no one wants to touch…like the recent AMS pay increase.

SOL: Special Occasion License. You need to get one of these to host a party on campus, and the RCMP are cracking down. Recent changes mean that you can be fined up to $10,000 for an infraction (read: one person too drunk, one person underage drinking, etc) which would essentially bankrupt a club.

UnECoRn: Our legacy. University External Committee on Relations aka the committee that has to do with the VP External’s portfolio, like lobbying for things. You’ll be sitting in a meeting and everything will seriously be using the word “unicorn” and would probably think they’re on crack if you don’t get it.

Insiders: the longest running VFM blog, they write really long posts about really wonky things. Also, three former Confidential editors have dated three Insiders editors, funny thing.

Senate: They deal with the academic side of governing campus and have a lot of student representation…if you want to run for something, run for Senate, there’s lots of openings and it’s not that hard to get elected.

BoG: Board of Governors, and they deal with pretty much everything else. They are very big picture, appointed, have only two student reps, and are the Bad Ass Mother Fuckers on campus.

Sean Heisler: resident hottie who loves to cook, ballroom dance, and cuddle. Probably the most powerful student on campus. Single.

CUS/AUS/EUS/SUS: Your constituencies. If the AMS was the US Congress, these would be the states. In order to get elected to the AMS body, you need to win in your constituency election. Your constituency is your undergraduate society, and like a state, they are more involved in your day to day life specific to your faculty.

What are we missing? Let us know in the comments!

Think this post sucks and is devoid of glitter? Yeah, we think so too. So why don’t you do something about it and APPLY TO BE A BLOGGER? Send us your favourite meme, favourite YouTube video, and something you once wrote to amsconfidential at gmail dot com 🙂

So, you’re a first year student. You’ve memorized your classrooms and schedule and are ready to show up bright and early for your very first class on your very first day.

But wait, what is this? No class on the first day of school? Imagine Day? What the hell is that?

And, for that matter, what’s IKB? Which Buchanan is Buchanan D? (Eventually you will learn how to spell it right) Why does everyone say they’re going to drink at Koerner Library?

An even better question is, how the hell did you get on AMSconfidential.ca?

Chances are that you’re NOT a first year student and you already know EVERYTHING there is to know about UBC lingo. But, on the off-chance that with a fresh batch of freshmen comes a fresh new audience, here are some UBC words that you first years ought to know:

Imagine Day – the First Day of School

But you don’t actually GO to class (Imagine that, eh?)! Instead, you’ll be with a group of other first-year students, walking around campus and get all pumped-up, pep-rally style. Clear lines will be drawn between the faculties and, from your very first day onwards, you’ll be able to recognize the red-jacket’d Engineers and the suit-wearing business-card-trading Commerce students and you’ll only see Forestry students once in a blue moon.

After lunch and all the “rah-rah, go faculty” comes what is probably the best part—Free Swag! Bring a backpack and visit as many Clubs Booths as you can. Seriously, for the entire year, I have survived on pens, pencils and folders that I got for free on Imagine Day. Oh, and free condoms! and ice cream floats!

Storm the Wall – Huge Student Event and University Bonding Experience

You won’t hear about this until near the end of the year, but if you hang out by UBC Rec long enough, it’ll be sure to come up in a conversation. In the middle of March, there will be a giant wooden wall placed right in front of the SUB. And on Storm the Wall Day, people will climb it.

Oh, and there’s a triathlon that you do before you climb the wall. They kinda forget to emphasize that. You can brave the race on your own, but for most, it’s the most fun with a bunch of friends who are as fit (or not) as you are. If you aren’t extremely unfit and you have friends, it should definitely be on your to-do list. It’s the campus bonding experience that alumni fondly remember, long after they graduate.

AMS – Like Student Council, but Bigger

The UBC version of your high school student council. Except they have mo’ money and mo’ problems. There’s srs bsns council, with “motions”, “agendas” and “budgets. And then there’s fun and silly council, with in-jokes, good times and Twitter. Lots of Twitter. 

Chances are that you will hear about the AMS once a year, when someone somewhere gets upset with something the AMS did. It happens like clockwork. Expect to read about it in December’s Ubyssey.

The Ubyssey – Student Newspaper, now 100% more Shiny

Journalism occurs there. Filled to the glossy-paged brim with campus news and campus events, topped off with a healthy dash of humour and a pinch of university-branded snark. If you want to stay in the loop with what the heck is going on around UBC, you can never go wrong with the Ubyssey.

Buchanan Tower.

It was in that X-Men movie. But in real life, it’s a lot of offices for Arts professors. You’ll probably go there for office hours. It’s tall, and near Buchanan.

VFM.

That’s us. We do stuff like this, you vote for us, we get money. When there is money to be won, anyway.

The Honour Roll.

Sushi in the basement of the SUB. It’s got a pun for a name, so you KNOW it’s gotta be good.

Wreck Beach.

It’s a beach. Clothing optional. But it’s not always the good kind of clothing optional. I don’t know, I’m not the best authority on Wreck Beach.

The 99 B-Line.

Urban legend says it was named after a very fast bee. Possibly will be replaced with a UBC Line. But you know, Translink. Hurrdurr jokes.

ACF.

Arts County Fair. It was a legendary party, or so I’ve heard. But it’s not around anymore, for one reason or another. Probably something to do with funding, or something to do with alcohol. No one talks about it much anymore, but for some, it will always be referred to as the “good old days”. It’s like an extreme UBC in-joke. If you can namedrop ACF into a conversation, then you’ve officially become 100% UBC.

The AMS is attempting to stop campus media from fucking under their own roof.

Early this morning, The Ubyssey student newspaper was served an eviction notice by the AMS due to their “inability to maintain SUB protocol and adhere to sanitation standards.” The Ubyssey currently has a large office in the SUB, and pays their rent by selling ad space to the AMS. This is starting to become a pattern for UBC, where recently the student union at UBC-Okanagan threatened to shut down The Phoenix newspaper altogether.

Health inspectors raided the Ubyssey offices late last night after receiving a concerning tip that a strong taint-like odour was coming from the Ubyssey offices. Upon inspection, there was an alarming amount of fecal manner found in today’s batch of newspapers. “I’ve never smelled that much taint in my life,” said VP Administration Mike Silley, who was present for the inspection.

The AMS had other grounds for eviction, besides the taint incident. According to former VP Admin Crystal Hon, The Ubyssey has been a health hazard since 2009. “I used to have to deal with them all the time – those rodents are disgusting,” said Hon. “The never ending garbage that is The Ubyssey is a constant pain in the AMS’ ass.”

Ekat, VP Admin for 2010 agrees with Hon. “The Ubyssey is just this place of negativity, they only look for the bad side. They never talk about how clean they will keep the new great awesome fantastic SUB, no wonder they attract so many toxins.”

Rumour has it that health hazards aren’t the real reason shit is literally hitting the fan for The Ubyssey.

The AMS is desperate to get back in the Social Justice Centre’s (SJC) theoretical pants after Gazapalooza. The SJC, who is known to complain about everything on campus, apparently tipped off the health inspectors after a rendezvous in the newspaper office ended poorly.

An anonymous source and member of the SJC, referred to as “Kassandra”, went back to the office after a typical Pit night. “I thought he was a good guy, he was part of the paper. Little did I know that him taking me back to his office meant him taking me in the hole.”

The Ubyssey’s interview room was not taped off upon our arrival at the scene, and a sign saying “The Hole” still hung from its door.

“When I got there, he told me he wanted to me to come in the hole, that it was the only place he felt was clean enough. I looked all around the office and agreed. The whole place was just so disgusting and the situation so scarring, I don’t think I’ll ever come again.”

Health inspectors refused to comment on what exactly was found on those questionable couches, but apparently it gets “slept” on frequently. “That co-ordinating editor? Apparently he sleeps there almost every night,” said Kassandra.

Silley did not confirm or deny that the AMS was evicting the Ubyssey in part to fornication. “There’s a reason we’re moving them out of the basement in the new SUB. Lots of windows,” he said.

The SJC is demanding that the AMS make the Ubyssey staff members take equity training, and apply affirmative action to their upcoming editor elections. Rumour has it that a whole SJC slate will be running under the slogan “fuck capitalism, not each other.”

The Culture Editors of The Ubyssey apparently find it sterile enough. (Indiana Joel illustration)

Don’t forget! Today is the spoof edition of The Ubyssey, so remember to pick itup. Also, all Ubyssey staff members are invited to the Annual General Meeting, which will be held in Council Chambers from 12-4pm today.