To: Luke Jang
From: Hangwei Bao
Date: June 9, 2020
Subject: Review of Your Assignment 1.3 Technical Term Explanation
I have reviewed the first draft of Assignment 1.3. Thank you for your good work!
I appreciate that you explained the situation as well as the audience and use profile for nontechnical readers. You have done a great job offering the explanations of the technical term “ Kiln”, the draft is off to a good start. I would like to give the following suggestions :
Parenthetical Definition: Your parenthetical definition is more like a sentence definition, you may want to read page 406 of Technical Communication 14th Edition again. The parenthetical definition is embedded in the sentence definition.
Sentence Definition : Your sentence definition is very clear and concise, very good job there.
Expanded Definition: I liked the fact that you offered an analysis of kiln dryers parts, and you included a very clear visual illustration. However, you may want to use active voice more, you use passive voice in a number of places that create “modifying confusions”. For instance, on page 1 of your draft, you said “ lumber is stacked with thin wood strips between each level of lumber ‘for sufficient air circulation’ (Morgan). Then, they are put into the kiln dryer.” I have trouble understanding whether is it “lumber” that is put into the kiln dryer, or “wood strips”. If it is “lumber”, then your sentence “ they are put into the kiln dryer” should be “ it is put into the kiln dryer”; but if it is wood strips, then this sentence is fine. I would suggest you use active voice to avoid such confusion.
I hope my recommendations are helpful as you complete this assignment. Your draft is well on the way, offering clear definitions of the term “kiln”. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thank you.
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