To: Alison Ma
From: Jie Su
Date: June 24, 2020
Subject: English 301 Formal Report Proposal– Peer Review
Hi Alison, I have reviewed your formal report proposal carefully. Thank you very much for your excellent work, bringing us a smooth and comprehensive report. I will give some suggestions from several aspects, hoping to provide you with some inspirations.
Impression
The original topic you selected is close to your working life. In terms of convenience and accessibility, you can use the work convenience to obtain data and conduct interviews, which is great for investigation. At the same time, your article is very smooth; the intent of the expression is clear.
Organization
- Your article is well-organized, with bold headlines and clear sections.
- The number of words in each paragraph is in a suitable length. The description and skeleton of all components meet the requirements required by the textbook.
Content
- Formal Report Subject
1. Targeted reader: The target reader is clear, and the title is obvious to know your purpose.
2. The phrase ‘use of technological software’: I think this phrase is a bit too vague because it involves much software. If it is a report that wants to be presented to your management team, I think the management team will be very mindful of the specific type of software, the statistics software to analyze the clicking, for instance, as mentioned in your statement of problems. I think that if only one or one type of software is investigated, it will narrow the scope of the investigation and allow the report to be targeted and persuasive. - Introduction
The logical explanation of this paragraph is excellent. It lets the reader understand the current situation of your company that only a tiny number of people well mastered the use of technical work and opened up on your exploration of the need to add training to your investigation scope later. However, I feel that there is relatively little explanation about your company in this paragraph. If I were the manager of your company, I would like to know how many employees there are, how many people belong to this data analysis team versus how many not, therefore, to give me an intuitive judgment when going over this report.
- Problem Statement
1. You re-point the question here and pointed out that the problem is because many people do not have the critical skills to analyze and use specialized software. I think a relatively accurate ratio of showing the percentage of the use of the software is persuasive.
2. The example of the second point is very significant. You pointed out that some software can help the problems encountered in your work process. I like your example very much, because it shows your observation ability very well, and gives readers a good example to let them know what software you want to improve the use for. - Proposed Solution
Your first solution is useful, but the cost is too high and may not be so feasible. Even though you stated that your company could afford the software cost, I still struggle with its subsequent costs. For example, the training cost of the newly implemented software, you indicated in the introduction paragraph that your company originally had some corresponding software. However, because of less training, there are still many people who did not make good use of it. That is to say, buying all the necessary tools may involve the cost of maintenance and training costs, which is a considerable expense. Therefore, I may concern your solution if considering it from the aspect of a management team.
- Scope
1. There is a survey about training in your scope, and I agree with this part of the research. Because according to your introduction and problem statements, it seems that your company still has too little training for employees on software. It may be one of the reasons that cause the low use of technical software, and emphasizing the need for training is necessary.
2. As for the recommendation of software, the recommendation requires much work to be completed, such as what functions this software are, what are the benefits and advantages for e-commerce companies, and what is the annual cost and maintenance fee, and what is the use coverage rate of the company, they all need to be investigated clearly. If there is much software to recommend, the workload is too much.
3. I am not sure of the purpose of this survey to understand the difficulty of management in the introduction of software. Is it to know these issues so as to convince the management better? If some followup sentences can be added, I think the purpose of this scope will be more clearly expressed. - Methods
1. Your primary source is practical and realistic. After all, business analysts often use your software, and they will have many ideas for the software requirements.
2. In terms of secondary resources, I am thinking about whether to refer to some examples. For example, through the use of some specific software, other e-commerce companies at the same level as your company were able to increase profits or reduce SOP costs, which is more convincing.
Grammar
Original Sentence: “There are a lot more tools to use for E-commerce, such as Google Analytics, however, I think that the company is missing the training as only a small portion of expertise knows the function.”
The ‘however’ here should act as a conjunctive adverb, we should apply the rule of use between two sentences. Therefore, I think we should include a semi-colon before it and a comma after it. Below is the link I found for your information. Please take a look at the link for your reference: How to Use However. The rest of your article is excellent with no grammar mistakes.
Conclusion
The topic you choose is very close to life and useful. The wording and express of your proposal are fluent, and the purpose is clear. In summary, I give you some suggestions in the following areas, hoping to bring some inspiration to your final formal report:
1. The workload of the targeted topic is a bit too broad. If you can reduce some scope like by focusing on some particular types of software, it will save some time for investigation.
2. Some data and statistical information can be added to your introduction paragraph so that your readers of the management team can have an intuitive feeling about the company’s software usage.
3. A small typo needs correction, as mentioned above.
I really enjoy reading your article, which is organized very well, and the wording is smooth and professional. I hope my suggestions can bring some ideas for your writing. If you have any questions, please feel free to let me know.
Link of Original Formal Report Proposal from Alison Ma
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