Date: August 7, 2020
Peer Reviewer: Money Dhaliwal
Author: Cathy Liu
Subject: Peer Review of Exploring the Benefits of Implementing A Self-Serve Keno Machine At Guildford Lotto!
Hi Cathy,
Thank you for submitting an initial draft of the formal report assignment. You have a great start and the report was a pleasure to read. A peer review of your draft has been completed and comments can be found below.
First Impressions
The initial read-through of your final report draft was thoroughly enjoyable. The problem being addressed is clearly laid out and easy to follow, along with great recommendations. The report remains concise to the end and provides only what your reader needs. Your overall draft report is very good.
Content
Introduction
The first paragraph sets up the situation very nicely and the second paragraph clearly and concisely identifies the problem. A good job is done to provide only essential information and not waste your reader’s time. Here are a couple recommendations for further improvement:
- The third paragraph mentions that a “self-serving Keno machine should be installed.” Moving a recommendation like this to the abstract may be better suited.
- “The main source of data that will be retrieved for…” in the “Methods” sections can be changed to ” The main source of data for…” for conciseness.
Data Section
Data for the surveys and interviews you conducted is presented nicely. The figures included are easy to read and have useful descriptions. Your interpretation of the data is also logical and clear to follow. There are a couple areas of improvement noted below:
- In the first sentence of the second paragraph “overall consensus” can be changed to just “consensus.”
- “All interviewees unanimously agreed” can be changed to just “interviewees unanimously agreed” in paragraph two.
Conclusion
The conclusion is solid in summing up the contents of your report. Recommendations are logical and laid out clearly for your reader. The conclusion does feel slightly short but I see that you are still adding to this section.
Organization
Your draft follows the recommended format and key information is easy to find. The main sections are clearly bolded and centered with subheadings being easy to distinguish. There are no points where the reader feels lost or confused about what is being discussed. Each section connects to the next and large chunks of text are avoided, great job. No changes are required in the organization of your draft.
Style
A you-attitude is prevalent in your paper with a clear focus on the reader’s needs. Additionally, the information presented is done so in an objective manner while maintaining a positive tone throughout. You also remain professional and refrain from slang or a casual tone. Aside from the improvements mentioned in the “Content” section above, your draft appears well written.
Design
The two graphics you included are easy to interpret, labeled properly, and fit into the context of your report. Font size is used effectively with a larger font for headings and smaller font for body text. Only a few improvements are required:
- Adding space at the beginning of the report before the date would move the document down one space and have the headings lined up correctly.
- Aligning the numbers in the table of content would make the report more polished and presentable.
Concluding Comments
While there are a few areas of improvement, the draft you have at the moment is very well done. Your report is thought out with a clear purpose and sticks to the key information. You are well on your way to an excellent final copy. Please feel free to reach out for clarification or questions.
Link to formal report draft: 301-Cathy-Liu-Formal-Report-Draft
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