To: Mandy Su, UBC ENGL 301 Student
From: Alison Ma, UBC ENGL 301 Student
Date: Aug 6, 2020
Subject: Review of Formal Report – Increasing the Participants of the Annual General Meeting in Monet Community
Thank you for submitting the formal report – Increasing the Participants of the Annual General Meeting in Monet Community. It was very inspiring and informative to read. Please see below some of my feedback during revision:
The main research problem of this report is well analyzed. All required elements are present, there are also many figures with appropriate headings included in this report.
The flow of the report is easy to follow, even the flow in each section makes sense and could bring the key arguments out in each subsection. There are effective headings and subheadings which help to identify the flow.
One thing I would like to suggest improving is the arrangement of the report. Some of the title and the body paragraph are not on the same page. For example, “Table of Content” is at the end of the cover page, but the whole table of content is on the second page; “Data Section” is at the end of page 4, but your body paragraph for Data Section is on page 5. Not sure if technical problems would be a part of the reason, such as different versions of Microsoft Words are used, but it is better to for us to pay attention to this issue when we output the formal report.
Another point that I would like to highlight is the alignment of the graphs in Data Section. Most of the graphs are aligned from the left and have the same distance from the left margin, except for the last graph, which is Figure 10. It is easy to spot out this difference as there is another graph on the same page. We should pay attention to the overall appearance and spacing.
Finally, I suggest opening a new page for every new section that created in the report. For example, Conclusion could move to the next page instead of following right after Figure 10 on the same page. This would reduce the feeling of compactness and makes the reader easier to digest the thorough information provided while reading your report. Adding page number at the corner of each page makes reader easier to read and will not lose track in the report.
- The introduction is full of background information that is necessary to the report.
- The introduction is concise while bringing a lot of key information to the reader. Limiting introduction in one page with four subsections is a good decision.
- Data Section
- The data section is well edited with the analysis of current situation first, followed by the preference addressed by the residents.
- Definition of key words like “Deemed Notice” and “Actual Notice” is also provided in before the analysis of graphics in this section.
- Nice to address the demographics and data limitation (possible bias) in the result.
- The data section is separated into three different main findings that are identified in the data research.
- The report has identified and analyzed three different areas that lead to unsupportive AGM in the Monet Community.
- Each section is written to appeal to the identified reader, which is the Strata Manager.
- Choice of words is important for readers to understand the report. Some words in this section might have a different interpretation. Please see the following:
- “A great deal” in Figure 3 The Impact of Time Conflict to AGM’s Participation seems to be saying that time conflict is a big deal/ the main reason for participants being unable to participate in AGM; versus
- “A great deal” in Figure 7 Resident Preferences to Different Means of Notice seems to be referring to the amount of notice that the residents prefer to receive.These two are of different meanings but using the same diction. I would suggest replacing “A great deal” in Figure 7 with “A lot”. It is more straight-forward and easier to understand.
- Summary of Statistics: it is well written with a brief summary from the data section! Interesting figures are also highlighted in here which serves as a main point from the data section.
- Summary of Problem Causes: a short description of the problem that you identified from the data you collected.
- Suggestions: they are reasonable and seem to be feasible to carry out.
- The figures use the blue tone in general, which is professional
- Sometimes it takes a bit of time to figure out different groups in the figure since the blue tones are quite similar in the figure. In order to improve the easiness to read your figures, try either way in the following:
- Employ different color tones to make your figures easier to understand; or
- Tune each blue tone to highlight the difference, such as tuning the dark blue to be slightly darker, while the baby blue to be slightly lighter.
- The correct MLA format is used in this section. Well Done!
- The tone is very professional and objective
- The tone is not negative, even when you are pointing out shortcomings
- The appropriate “you” attitude is used in this report
The report is smooth to read except some grammatical mistakes. Please see below:
- Could remove comma
“… the absence of various recurring events and meetings[,] and use similar solutions…”
- Could remove comma
There are also some typos in your report, please check:
- Introduction – Scope [of] Inquiry
- No need to capitalize prepositions in the title/ subtitle
- Data Section – Figure 9 Online/ Virtual AGM [Acceptance]
- Need to change the heading in your graph
Throughout your report, there is a lot of double space in between words. Though it does not affect the audience understanding the report, it does affect the overall tidiness and appearance. Remember to check the spacing after finishing our work. Here are some of the examples that require amendment:
- Introduction – Situation
“… with 14 qualified voters and  16 voters of proxy.”
“… the total number of residents with voting rights is 143,  this means…”
- Data Section – Deemed vs Actual Notice
“Figure 6 Ways of  Notice Residents Received.”
In reverse, space is needed before and after each punctuation. Please see below:
- Data Section – Timeline of Notice
“ … when the residents were notified of the notice.  There are 74%…”
- Conclusion – Summary of Statistics
“… to deliver a paper notice in person  (42.2%).”
Well done! This report is very interesting to read, it investigates the issue in the community that the members in the neighbourhood should be aware of. With the following adjustments, the document would be more convincing to the Monet Community:
- Changing some choice of words to increase the understandability of the report
- Increase the readability by incorporating the correct spacing in between words as well as the white space between each section.
- Fine-tuning the colour in your graphics to make it more appealing, especially for pie chart.
- Adding page number at the corner
- Changing the grammatical mistakes and typos in the report to make the arguments stronger
It was a pleasure reviewing this report. I hope you find the feedback helpful and I am looking forward to reading your final report. If there is anything unclear, please do not hesitate to contact me at my email email@example.com.