Peer Review of Report Draft for Luke Jang

To: Luke Jang, ENGL 301 student

From: Zhe Su, ENGL 301 student

Date: 07 Aug 2020

Subject: Peer Review of the formal report draft “Searching for ideas and methods to reduce homelessness in Vancouver during COVID-19 pandemic”

 

Thank you for presenting your ideas on reducing homelessness in Vancouver during COVID-19. They address some very important social welfare issues and is a very interesting read.

First Impressions

  • There is a lot of very detailed and educational information in your report. The subject matter for this inquiry is clearly well researched and thoroughly analyzed.
  • The tables and charts are very clean and easy to read.
  • Using more graphs and tables in your body segment to reduce the amount of text might make it a bit easier to read as the report is meant for audiences that may not have as much time to digest too much information at once.

Organization

  • Table of Contents are accurate and topics are well divided. Incorporating the use of subheadings in the table of content may provide readers with ease of access.
  • Some long paragraphs exist within the document. Breaking the information into bullet points and subsections may reduce the likelihood of the wordiness from overwhelming readers.
  • Incorporating page numbers into the report will make referencing it a lot easier.

Content

1. Introduction:

    • There are some repeated information in the first and third paragraph of the Introduction section. To remain focused try:
      • Removing the first paragraph all together, or
      • Incorporating the first paragraph into the third paragraph while beginning with the second paragraph so the introduction section would flow better.
    • Paraphrasing the quotes in the second paragraph would make the sentence flow better grammatically.
    • Structuring the introduction in the following order may help with streamlining:
      • Identify the topic’s origin and significance, i.e. Homelessness has hit its highest level in nearly two decades in 2019, prior to the outbreak of coronavirus.
      • The situation is made worse by the pandemic.
      • Crime rate has increased alongside the spike of homelessness.
      • In addition to social welfare concerns, the issue with homelessness may increase the difficulty to contain pandemic as the virus may spread more rapidly within the homeless community (for example)

2. Method:

    • Good explanation of the research methods used.
    • Including and referencing the questionnaire in the appendix will allow readers to quickly skip to the questionnaire and get a better understanding of the response.
    • Using a more objective tone by writing in a third person perspective may make the report appear more professional. For example, instead of “I have created and distributed…”, try rewriting as “A questionnaire regarding _____ was created and distributed”.

3. Body:

    • Figure 2 is a table that distinguishes the different physical and mental conditions that a homeless individual may be experiencing, and whether or not they are sheltered or unsheltered. This information seems to belong better in a previous section so that the “Potential solution(s) to solving…” could address only the solutions.
    • Eliminating redundant sentences such as “However, this is not an easy solution to find” to make the report more concise and saves the reader time.
    • Presenting the information in lists where you can will definitely result in appreciation from your readers as they would be able to pinpoint key information when they are under time constraint.

4. Conclusion:

    • The “YOU” attitude is used very well here – the conclusion begins by acknowledging the challenges faced by the government as they tackle homelessness.
    • The section that begins with “However, as everyone in the society is doing their part…” all the way to “Unfortunately, it is not a choice at this moment but a responsibility as the member of the society” appears to be generalizing all homeless people’s attitude towards the pandemic and is seemingly accusing all of them of not doing their part towards the society. Perhaps rewording it to a less generalizing tone may come off as less condescending.

Visuals/Figures

  • Removing the heading for “Table 17” and instead titling it as Table 1 might make more sense to readers the report does not contain 16 tables prior to the aforementioned one.

Style

  • The document used an even and friendly tone.
  • The appropriate “you” attitude was employed.
  • Removing some statements that appears to be assumptions towards the homeless population may reduce the biased tone of the report.

Grammar/Typos

  • Restructuring some of the sentences in the body paragraph would improve how the information is presented.
    • For example, on page 7, in the section right beneath Figure 1, you defined homelessness using a quote from HomelessnessHub, then mentioned that “these are definitely one of the causes, however, these causes all lead to one major cause…”. Try rewriting as “the previously stated conditions are only a subset of the causes leading to homelessness. However, regardless of whether if an individual suffers from the previous conditions, economic issues will definitely increase the likelihood of an individual becoming homeless.”
    • Another example would be the third paragraph of Homelessness – During COVID 19″, “Assuming that the homelessness…” Removing the entire first sentence might make more sense grammatically.
  • There is an extra space in the beginning of the paragraph under the section “Homelessness – During COVID19”.

Concluding Statements

The report thoroughly investigate the homelessness issue in Vancouver and attempts to provide some recommendations for a solution to the problem. With the following adjustments, the document would be even stronger:

  • Streamlining the content and reducing repetitive information.
  • Increasing readability by incorporating white space, bullet points and lists.
  • When possible, present information using figures and tables instead of paragraphs of words.
  • Breaking sections down to even smaller subsections will allow readers to quickly navigate to relevant information. Including these subsection in the table of content improve ease of access.
  • Rewriting some sections with more concise language.

It was a pleasure to review your report. I hope my suggestions are helpful in completing the assignment. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments.

 

Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*