To: Money Dhaliwal, ENGL 301 Student
From: Cathy Liu, ENGL 301 Student
Date: August 7, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Cost Analysis Benefit for White Rock Honda
Dear Money,
I have completed my peer review of your formal report draft. Please continue reading to view recommendations for your final draft.
First Impressions
Upon my first reading, I could see that you have properly and cleanly laid out all your information with the appropriate headings and sections. You also make use of numerous visuals to help the reader better understand the statistics. The language you use throughout the report is fitting for all audiences and you do not include any jargon that would further confuse the reader. Overall, I appreciated the effort you put into this assignment as it was very well done.
Content
Introduction
Your introduction is short and concise, getting directly to the point of the report. The reader is immediately able to identify the problem you are arguing for, which means you have accomplished the goal of your introduction. You include information about the methods you used to retrieve data as well, which is laid out nicely.
Revisions:
- In your opening paragraph, “Washing customers cars” needs an apostrophe so that it reads “Washing customers’ cars”.
Data Section
Your data section was very organized and well structured. You give the audience all the information they need to know, and explain everything step by step so they can properly understand what you are calculating.
Revisions:
- In your second paragraph, “will not be analysed and will assumed to be” should be “will not be analysed and will be assumed to be”
- You have an error in the line “24 could 48 cars could be washed in a shift”
- “During busy time there may be…” should be “During busy times“
- I do not quite understand the line “The lot attendants interview had a range of 10-20 minutes that depends on the size, angles and dirtiness of the car.”
- You are missing an h in “Both lot attendants say that they would prefer an automatic wash rather than having a dealer hand was their cars”
- “This leads to car being sent back and upset customers” is grammatically incorrect
- Under ‘Preference Between Car Wash Methods” you say “Figure 1 below shows the data,” but you are referring to Figure 2
- similarly, the next paragraph calls for Figure 3 but you call it Figure 2
Conclusion
The conclusion, like your introduction, is concise and to the point. While it is important to be clear in your writing, I think the conclusion can better benefit from some more elaborating so the reader is left with a take away. You do list many recommendations which is great and shows the amount of thought you put into this solution.
Organization
Overall, your entire draft is well written and organized in a manner that is easily navigated. Your table of contents at the beginning is very neat and encompasses all the sections and visuals your report consists of. Nothing you write feels unnecessary or out of place, and there are no big blocks of text that feel difficult to read. You bold every major heading, and use italics or other means to separate smaller headings as well. You also write the draft in the correct order of information for the reader.
Style
You write in a friendly yet official and professional manner. You do not write negatively about White Rock Honda, but instead make positive suggestions to improve both employee and customer satisfaction. There were a couple sentences that felt grammatically incorrect or difficult to understand, and I have listed them under “Content” and under the section where the error was.
Design
I appreciate the use of visuals in your report, especially to show the responses from your survey as it is much easier to read. They are well labelled and easy to understand. However, in the table of contents you list having 6 Figures despite only using 3 currently in your draft.
The visuals of your overall draft is pleasing and nice to look at. You bold and center titles, you italicize to emphasize important words or phrases, and nothing is too long. Good job.
Final Comments
Overall, a great draft that will be helpful towards your final draft. While there are some changes and edits to be made, it was well done and your effort clearly shows. Some changes that need to be made include:
- Revisions to spelling mistakes or grammatical errors which are listed under each section I proofread
- Editing the table of contents (the number of figures you use)
Great job. If you have any questions please feel free to reach out to me.
Here is a link to Money’s report draft: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/08/01/formal-report-draft-money-dhaliwal/
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