4.2 Peer Review of Application Package for Sydney Storie — Jie Su

To: Sydney Storie, ENGL 301 Student
From: Jie Su, ENGL 301 Student
Date: August 13, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package for Sydney Storie

Thank you for submitting your job application for review. A peer review of your job application package has been completed. The following comments and suggestions are shown below based on different components in the package.

First Impression

• The MLA citation in the job posting is accurate.
• The layout is neat with subheadings in the resume if required.
• All contents are displayed as required, including Job Posting, Cover Letter, Resume and Request Reference Letters.
• The header, the appreciation, the signature, and the enclosure are all standardized with correct information and format.
• Each file’s theme is clear, focusing on the job requirement, Veterinary Technician Assistant.
• The tone is friendly in requesting reference letters, formality is appropriate, and the wording is accurate.

Cover Letter

Excellent Points

• The cover letter indicates the author’s strengths and passion for the job. Starting with the job posting’s needs, demonstrating the skills in Animal Welfare highlights that the author is the right candidate.
• The cover letter’s body shows the applicant’s job skills and occupation-related certificates, highlighting the applicant’s qualifications again.
• By matching the requirement of “sympathy and nurturing attitude” in the job posting, the cover letter presents the keyword of “compassion and loving care to animals” in the cover letter to show the match, very good!
• The closing remarks provide a signature to show business courtesy, which is excellent.

Suggestions

• Listing your name and address in the very beginning for the recipient to recognize the applicant.
• It will help catch the recipient’s attention by showing your understanding of the department or the company. Starting the statement in regards to the role and company will show the candidate’s enthusiasm.
• Minimizing the use of “I” helps de-centered “I,” focusing on the needs of the position and company and increasing the formality of the letter.
• The body paragraph should refer to the candidate’s background and skill set. Through the background statement, it helps the demonstration of how the candidate meets what the company needs. The cover letter lists the experience related to animal welfare but lacks a clear and specific skill set to match the job role. Telling the recipient the specific skills will make the candidate stand out.
• Paying more attention to keywords like “strong communication,” “Exceptional client service skills,” “”Ability to remain calm,” and including them into the cover letter will stick out the matching degree of the applicant’s candidacy.

Resume

Excellent Points

• The overall layout is very clean and tidy.
• Skills placing on top highlight the applicant’s primary skillset and help attract the recipient’s attention.
• It is a significant part to summarize the certificates, demonstrating that the applicant has a qualified skillset.
• With the contact information and the objective on the top, it is convenient for the recipient to locate the specific role and position the applicant is applying.

Suggestions

• A resume should be written in a telegraphic way, omitting personal pronouns and limiting articles. Too many pronouns will make the resume a bit repeated.
• Rather using a writing style of storytelling, clearly indicating outcomes achieved during the jobs and experience, will help the recipient identify the candidate’s skill set quickly because the style of itemization will show the candidate’s ability more prominently. An example is worked through as below.

Original writing: I have raised and bred Saint Bernard’s. I assisted in dew-claw removals, the birth of the pups, microchipping and socializing and training of the puppies.
Rewrite suggestion: Raised and bred Saint Bernard’s and assisted in dew-claw removals, the birth of animals cultivate my passion for animal welfare, compassion, and nurturing attitude to care for others.[add outcomes/skills learned from this experience]

• The whole block of text makes the resume lack central points. Itemizing your experiences to avoid a whole block of text helps increase the readability for the recipients.

Reference Request

Excellent Points

• Greeting in the opening paragraph shows the friendliness to the recipient.
• Appreciation in the ending section employs the principles of You Attitude and conveys respect to the recipient.
• The letter includes the reason for asking for a reference letter to indicate the author’s purpose.
• The resume has been attached as a backup material for the recipients to identify whom the reference is writing.

Suggestions

• Pointing out the requirement of reference content helps the recipient determine the reference’s content as soon as possible to reduce the influence of some misunderstandings on the process of reference’s creation.

Grammar and Writing Style

Rewrite Suggestion: I have grown up raising and breeding Saint Bernard puppies[,] where I assisted with the dew-claw removal, the birth of the pups, microchipping[, ]and socializing and training of the puppies.

Original Writing: I have participated in surgeries due to living in a rural area where vet access was not available. I have been a veterinary assistant in spays and neuters, fractures, and rod replacements. I have done farrier services and routinely attended house calls with veterinarians. I can administer drugs, shots, take blood, and x-rays.

Rewrite Suggestion:

• Participated in surgeries to administer drugs, shots, take blood, and x-rays.
• Worked as a veterinary assistant in spays and neuters, fractures, and rod replacements.
• Serviced farrier and routinely attended house calls with veterinarians.

Conclusion

In response to job posting requirements, the Application Package is very targeted and professional. The following summary provides some suggestions:
• Omitting the use of personal pronouns to minimize the situation of storytelling.
• Paying attention to the keywords in the job posting and including them in the cover letter as possible
• Avoiding a whole block of text to maintain good readability
• Showing the knowledge and understanding of the company as a kickoff opening graph in the cover letter.
• Itemizing work experiences with outcomes to indicate skillset as clear as possible

Thank you for your effort on the job application. Hopefully, the suggestions above will provide you with some inspirations.

Enclosure:

301 Sydney Storie Application Package