Peer Review for Su Zhe’s “MEMORANDUM for Evan Crisp”

To: Su Zhe

From: Hangwei Bao

Peer Review: MEMORANDUM for Evan Crisp

Thank you for submitting your “You Attitude” assignment for session 3:1; this is an enjoyable read. Please see the review of the document below with suggestions for improvements, which you should find useful.

First impressions :

This looks like a well-organized document. It was an easy read and easy to understand the memo.

Organization :

• The subheadings such as “Introduction” and “ Tips on Writing professional Emails to Professors” help readers navigate the memo. Missing a subheading for “conclusion”
• The bullet list makes the document looks clear and concise

Expression

• Avoid starting the memo with the pronoun “ You” and  “I”
• Avoid “you” when it criticizes the reader
• Avoid imperative verbs, starting the sentence with “ing” verbs to improve the tone of a sentence.
• Avoid abbreviations such as “ you’re”

* Choosing more formal words to improve the professional tone of a sentence.

Content :

• The document is incomplete according to the assignment requirements; it includes :

     * An introduction

     * Tips on writing professional emails to professors

  Missing a conclusion

Grammar and Typos

* No spelling errors were found

* Please revise some grammatical expressions

Concluding comments :

   Your memo is interesting to read; informative and nicely organized, thank you. With the following edits, and a good proofread for small errors, as well as a good read of the instructor’s blog, this will be a really useful and excellent document :

* Adding a bolded subheading for “conclusion”

* Eliminating the pronouns in the main body of the document

• Self- editing for grammatical expressions is needed
• Double-checking the handout 1:7 will be useful

Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions, it has been a pleasure reviewing this work.