Category Archives: News for Noobs

Live at Gazapalooza!

Want to get in on all the action tonight? We just decided to liveblog, see after the jump.

Follow the meeting on twitter here, and use the hashtag #gazapalooza.

Watch The Ubyssey’s livestream of the meeting here.

Background info on everything Gazapalooza is right here on AMS Confidential.

But DON’T FORGET! We have an extremely exciting activity: Gazapalooza BINGO!

That’s right. Simply click here, REFRESH the page, and keep a tally! Once you get five in a row, if you are the first person to stand up and yell SHENANIGANS! then you will win a pitcher of bzzr courtesy of AMS Confidential <3

Like what we’re doing? Please go vote for us now so we can get funding, which allows us to give you prizes like bzzr!!

a very peculiar Ubyssey photo.

And now, for the liveblog-

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From Blake to Bijan: The UN & Gaza

It’s hard to believe one year has passed since the most hilariously catastrophic student government fail occurred. We had different friends, different lovers, different blogs (who here remembers UBC Spectator?) and a different President. It is now November 2010 and we are debating the Gaza strip. Have we really come that far? We give you the latest in AMS Council news, aka Bijan’s blunders, which sort of remind us of Blake’s blunders. Grab a drink or five and get ready for this trip down memory lane… (but first, vote for us in VFM right now!!)

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UBC’s Got Talent had an alright poster. Then we made it better.

Then they made a fancy animated version and put it on the AMS website. Being the jealous brat I am, I put the Confidential design team to work. This is what they came up with, and I’ve never been more proud of them.

Whatever it is you’re doing this week, whether you’re drowning in midterms, starting one of your five term papers, or just struggling with school in general, just take a break. Have a beer at The Gallery, or a coffee at Blue Chip. See that person behind you? For bonus points, buy their drink too, and tell them to pay it forward. You never know how easy it is to make someone’s day.

Cheers everyone. Happy Tuesday.

“Talent” Kevin wants to see at UBC’s Got Talent

The countdown is on! Just over two months until UBC’s Got Talent, where we’re going to see some amazing performers take the Chan Centre stage. Excited? I know I sure am!

Bullshit. C’mon. Admit it. You know this event is going to be super cheesy. Seeing our President BFF’s sing a duet will no doubt be enthralling; however, we need to spice it up a little. Let’s add in some crazy stuff. Snake charming… contorsionists… whatever. Let’s show what UBC really has to offer.The ladies over at 11eleven have a bit more analysis on the event, if you don’t want to simply hear about all the crazy stuff I want to see that you’d probably only think up near the end of Gallery Tuesday while tuning out the guys singing Backstreet Boys. Again.

On board? Great. Here’s what I want to see happen:

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The UBC Monarch

Hello, starved readership, this is Taylor with a barely tantalizing tale. Around midnight, I was Google image creeping certain people in my extended networks when lo and behold I stumbled upon a marvelous doodle of our dearest Toope. I was impressed with this image, it had a photoshop quality so beautiful it surpassed the talent of our own Gossip Guy.

Imagine my shock when I clicked on the photo to find out that it was from an archaic post in 2008 about Toope being the #40 most powerful person in Vancouver…from Issues That Matter.

Apparently they were once in the business of Issues That Are Awesome. Also, Toope once ate 16 cinnamon rolls in one sitting.

Oh, and: from here on out, we’re getting paid to do VFM. You can vote for Confidential here every day, but don’t expect a lot of lame posts (possibly like this one). We’ll still be giving you great, hilarious content but only when it’s great. Don’t expect daily blogging just to blog, we respect your time and our time too much for that. You could be doing better things, like drinking or procrastinating.

Your Complete Guide to The AMS

new to ubc? here’s what you missed…


The AMS stands for your Alma Mater Society. The name doesn’t make sense, but it was formed to be your student society; you pay them fees and in return they keep the university from doing whatever it wants. Plus, parties and stuff!


MIKE used to be Alma Mater Society President and he poledanced a lot

there’s like a million of these on facebook.

but then he turned things over to BLAKE

guido guido guido (photo c/o gerald deo)

go o~on….

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Firstweek Fantasies: More Rumours

We made a lot of fuss about losing Block Party, but the merest rumours we’re hearing seem to indicate that Events Man Shea Dahl is on the ball for Welcome Back BBQ (free, Friday, Sept. 10, 2-8pm).  The Totally Baseless Suggestion is that Celebrity DJ/Benihana Founder Offspring STEVE AOKI will be playing the Pit on/around the day (Sept. 12).  We also hear GASLIGHT ANTHEM is headlining the BBQ, but refuse to believe in a band named after a drinking song commemorating the pre-gentrification population of Yaletown.

look! no photoshop required.

Don’t Remember Block Party? Too Bad!

Unfortunately, you probably won’t get a chance to remember the next one.

We’re taking our gossip rag and running with it, as this has yet to be confirmed by any of the AMS Exec. But we have eyes, and suck at math.

Update: Elin Tayyar says “block party is not dead” via Facebook chat. Stay tuned to the wonderful wizardings of student politics…

Update 2: We seem to be pissing a lot of people off (see comments). Good. President Bijan sent out an email stating that “AMS still plans to support an end-of-year event that is robust and appealing to students” under a new financial model. We get that- they LOST around $100,000 last year which sucks balls.

So, there will still be some form of end-of-year bash. However, the way its funded (previously AMS, now constituencies will be bidding), the organization behind it (not AMS Events, more involvement from constituencies), and its name (maybe) are changing.

All in all, we stand by our reporting of this rumour – which, depending on who you talk to, is very true. We’re looking forward to council on Wednesday, and will continue to report the scandal. We are, after all, AMS Confidential- exposing the down & dirty of AMS Politics.

In looking over the proposed AMS Budget 2010-11, there is a shocking $0 allotted for Block Party, as opposed to the $38,000 they spent to bring us (along with the AUS) Barenaked Ladies, Hey Ocean, and All Access passes with free bzzr.Oh wait, you’re not all hacks. So the rest of you got to party your face off in the rain and drink bzzr.

Some of our secret, yet sexy, sources say that certain execs plan on doing this to pass some fucking referendum. You know, the referendum that will link student fees to the CPPIIPCIPCICIwhatever (aka inflation). Vote Yes, Get Block Party.

For now, we caution the AMS with this:

Don’t toy with an apathetic student’s heart…they don’t love Block Party enough to actually vote when you’re asking for more money (even though it makes sense) and taking away a party. Aren’t you supposed to be Fighting the War on Fun?

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News for N00bs, Summer Edition!

Holy shit! After a news dry spell so long we had to start reviewing a Sauder mascot competition, UBC and the Province decided to announce everything on one day. Thank you, board meeting and day-before-the-Premier’s-campaign-fundraiser. Here’s a simple take on what’s going on (with files from Neal Yonson).

Oh, and the Ubyssey debuted a new article cleverly entitled The Scoop, a UBC Media roundtable. In which no conflicts of interest occurred, and we pretended to be legitimate and suffered through a lack of sparkles.

Five More Years with the Hottest DILF Around

The Sexy President and Vice-Chancellor Himself, Stephen J. Toope, got renewed for five more years (in addition to agreeing to sing a duet with Bijan at UBC’s Got Talent). That’s pretty simple, even a n00b can understand. “His second term as President will be driven by the University’s new strategic plan, Place and Promise, that was created under his stewardship.” What we still can’t understand, however, is what the fuck FROM HERE means.

UBC-O Gets Bigger, Still Not Hard Enough

UBC-O bought some land and doubled the size of their campus. What is to be done with this land, however, is “limited only by vision and imagination.” Oh, and they’re protecting some pond.

“UBC Life,” Death and Rebirth

“UBC Life”, a UBC-themed online message board, launched this week and then promptly disappeared when it became clear that the site’s owners had misrepresented themselves. Their fate was sealed by repeatedly attempting to convince people that the site was sponsored by UBC—kind of like how Serena’s dad tried to fake Lily’s cancer on Gossip Girl. Were they hoping UBC would back them once the site took off? Oh, foolish mortals.

Some tips for next time someone wants to impersonate UBC online: don’t register the domain name to the Vanier Front Desk, or use the UBC Crest. Definitely don’t send out a fake UBC Broadcast Email, making people paranoid about how you got so many email addresses (and definitely—definitely—don’t follow that up by mocking people who believed, if only briefly, that it was real). Finally, when the university goes out of its way to say they have nothing to do with you, don’t say you are “university-supported.” A few faculty members does not a university make.

Gorgeous sources at the OLT (that’s Office of Learning Technology—techies in the basement of IKB) say they’re looking into implementing BuddyPress on UBC Blogs with no timeline at the moment. The BuddyPress website says it’s great for building university social networks, so we’ll see if all our internet wet dreams come true. Otherwise, we’re just left with nightmares about bulletin boards. Because the idea of a UBC message board? kind of outdated—as evidenced by the fact that most of the posts on UBC Life came from within the already-formed BlogSquad/Rezlife scene. And, as opponents of the current power structure would be the first to say, the way to get more people involved with university life is /not/ to market it to the same old keeners.

But a social network for UBC students? Um, is there an appropriate way to typeset “moan of arousal”? (Even if all we’ll get is probably just another Vista.)

Girl Up the U-Pass, Already

Fuck, we wish. Seriously, why hasn’t it been pink—you thought brown was a better choice? We think it’s high time that Translink stop discriminating against “girl” colours and embrace the magenta. After all, what better way to overcome centuries [okay, like 1.5 of them] of social construction than by forcing all those neanderthals to proudly display their Big Pink Identity Cards? Man up and accept that magenta is awesome, or pay for your own damn bus pass. Considering all post-secondary students will now be getting a U-Pass—and that the gender gap at the university level has already tipped to a solid female majority—it’s time to paint Vancouver pink. Lisa Frank stickers optional.

Board of Governors Still Not As Awesome as Schwarzenegger

For all the super duper hacky hacks out there: Brad Bennett, the Chair of UBC’s Board of Governors, has stepped down. This means both a new board chair and a new board member…FRESH BLOOD!! Bill Levine is the new chair and Virginia Greene (in the kitchen with the lead pipe) will be the new member of the board. A UBC anthropology alumna, she’s done a bunch of cool stuff.

Without Further Ado, the Sauder Shit You’ve Been Waiting For:

Mascot Madness is finished, and coming in first place with a staggering 76 votes (beating “none of the above” by 23 votes) is our dear Japanese lioness, Okima. The most interesting thing to note is this little disclaimer under the results:

(Note: All designs will proceed for review by the CUS Board of Directors to determine the best representation of the undergraduate society.  As well, multiple production companies will be approached for concept drawings to help in this process. Final mascot may not be exactly as voted on.)

A little bird bee-comm told us that there’s no way Sauder is going to spend any more money on this shit. Oh, and they analyzed the results too. We’d personally love to see that Board of Directors meeting, in which they DEBATE A JAPANESE LION WITH A TIE WHO LOOKS LIKE PEDO BEAR. Don’t believe us? Allow us to introduce you to some copy & paste magic from here:

Province Announces a Unicorn U-Pass!

In a flurry of activity on Twitter, BC Premier Gordon Campbell announced that all Metro Vancouver post-secondary students (except those private school kids at TWU!) will be eligible for a U-Pass, eliminating excuses for students to drive drunk!!! Oh, wait.

The new universal Unicorn U-Pass will cost $30/month, with students outside of Metro Vancouver paying less.

uh, yeah. we went there.

So, what does that mean for you sexy UBC folk? Yes, our ego may be a little crushed as our elitism is threatened and those plastic cards with horrific photos from first year pop up everywhere. However, great news: MORE SEXY REFERENDA.

VP External Jeremy McElroy broke exclusively to us (ok, it was a tweet to Taylor, but whatever) that come January 2011, there will be a referendum on accepting the U-Pass at the new price of $30/month. Or, $120/semester.

Currently you are paying $95/semester, or $23.75/month, so the price increase for a normal school year will be $50/year.

In comparison, currently those other kids are stuck with the FastTrax program offered from Translink which allows full-time students from non-private post-secondary institutions to travel across all zones for the price of a single zone adult monthly pass. Or, $81/month. Yikes.

SFU, Langara College, and Capilano University (our not-as-hot sisters in the U-Pass program) are also affected. Langara and Capilano currently pay more than $30/month so they get an immediate price cut. We assume SFU will also be holding a referendum to accept the new price. What do you think? Is paying ~$50 more per year worth it for students from Kwantlen, Emily Carr, etc to save $400 per year?

The overarching question to consider is whether we will be getting increased service to UBC, or if we are simply subsidizing increased service along routes to these other institutions.

As we’ve previously mentioned, in addition to the cost of the U-Pass going up, there are also whispers in a not-so-silent manner that AMS Council is going to hold a referendum or two on raising student fees and tying our student fees to CPI. Stay tuned, kids…we have a feeling there will be some sexy and dramatic debate next year about a whackload of fee increases.

For more information on the UBC U-Pass click here or here.