Peer Review Kathryn Simone Report Proposal

To: Kathryn Simone

From: Sydney Storie

Date: June 24, 2020

Subject: Peer Review: Proposal for Increasing the Quality of Hospital Food

Dear Kathryn,

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your proposal for increasing the quality of hospital food. Please review my recommendations below.

First Impressions:

I acknowledge the fact that this is a relevant issue that pertains to any number of us. I like how you included a quote from the World Health Organization in your introduction, this captures the reader’s attention.

Organization:

The subheadings for each area of focus allows a clear flow of the proposal.

The scope is well-organized, numbering each aspect intended to research. The scope identifies an appropriate number of inquiries to support your proposal.

Content:

Introduction:

• For the introduction I would consider pointing out your target audience and who you are writing your proposal for. I understand you wrote, “Readership for this paper will be aimed towards Canadian hospital directors, as these are the individuals who have the authority to mandate change from within the hospitals.” My recommendation would be to make this even more specific, perhaps you can target a specific hospital, such as the Lions Gate Hospital, as this is where information is going to be primarily sourced from. If your proposal is successful, then perhaps you can provide future recommendations for other hospitals to follow suit.
• I would be interested in knowing if this proposal for a new meal plan is intended for all patients or only the patients most vulnerable in the hospital?
• I would also consider defining the word carcinogen or adding “a formation of substances causing cancer”, to allow non-technical readers to understand the risks behind eating processed meat.

Statement of the problem:

• I enjoyed how you brought in other consequences as a result of the problem such as the cost, and the inpatient care, all while backing it up with evidence. This shows strong support for the issue at hand.

Scope:

• My recommendation would be to identify if there are guidelines or a budget that hospitals are required to follow for hospital meals.
• As you mentioned, bringing in outside material from locations around the world is beneficial as it can help to determine what is and isn’t feasible and what has been successful and what hasn’t been.

Research:

• You have done an excellent job regarding research, you brought in several relevant sources to back up your proposal.

Grammar:

• In your conclusion, you say “It is apparent that action is needed to increase the quality of healthy meals served to Canadian hospital patients in order to both improve patient outcome”. I think there is a spelling error, or a piece of information left out, as you indicated “in order to both improve patient outcome”. My apologies, if I have misinterpreted the sentence, but I recommend it is worth reviewing.
• In the methods section:
  • Misuse of a comma- Ex) “Secondary sources will include publications on nutrition in Canadian hospitals, and a review of a study.” My suggestion is “Secondary sources will include publications on nutrition in Canadian hospitals and a review of a study.
  • Addition of an article- Ex) “a review of a study by Dr. Tappenden on the critical role of nutrition in improving quality of care for hospital patients.” My suggestion “a review of a study by Dr. Tappenden on the critical role of nutrition in improving the quality of care for hospital patients.
• My qualifications section:
  • • Misuse of a comma- Ex) “I have my BA in Psychology, where I took many classes focusing on nutrition, and was primarily concerned with the influence of nutrition on psychological health.” My suggestion “I have my BA in Psychology, where I took many classes focusing on nutrition and was primarily concerned with the influence of nutrition on psychological health.”
• Conclusion section:
• • • • Addition of a comma- Ex) “With your approval I will begin research promptly.” My suggestion “With your approval, I will begin research promptly.”

Concluding comments:

Overall, your proposal is very clear, it is easy to follow, and there are minimal errors. The addition of quotes based on previous research has strengthened your report. Please review my recommendations above and if you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me. Overall, job well done, you have chosen an excellent proposal topic.

Formal Report Propsal: Increasing the Quality of Hospital Food