To: Alison Ma, UBC ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student
From: Sydney Storie, UBC ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student
Date: July 22, 2020
Subject: Peer-Review Email to Evan Crisp
Dear Alison,
I enjoyed reviewing your memorandum directed towards Evan Crisp. You provided clear and concise work throughout your memorandum providing an easy flow throughout. Below I have added a few suggestions which may be beneficial for future assignments.
Introduction:
Your introduction provided a YOU attitude, and it went straight to the point which allows the reader to understand exactly what the document is concerning.
Organization
- In writing a memorandum, I suggest you add “ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student” followed by your initials “MA”. Which would look like this:
From: Alison Ma, UBC ENGL 301 Technical Writing Student MA”
- Providing bullet points under the necessary tabs allowed for flow and clarity.
- You demonstrated a correct YOU attitude throughout your memorandum. You followed the appropriate guidelines indicated in section 1.7 of the YOU Attitude document.
Content
- You did an outstanding job of eliminating all imperative verbs indicating appropriate usage of the YOU attitude.
- Following your recommendations, you provided concrete examples.
Tone
- Throughout the memorandum, you provided a professional and respectful tone when offering recommendations.
- You demonstrated a clear understand of the YOU Attitude by suggesting rather than telling which is essential for YOU attitude criteria.
Grammar:
- In the opening line “Effective email messages to professors follow these guidelines:”, I would recommend adding “For Effective email messages…”
- Some sentences are considered wordy. Consider eliminating words to allow for conciseness.
- For example, the sentence “Writing the subject line helps your reader understand the main purpose of this email message” could be narrowed down to “Writing the subject line allows your reader to understand the purpose of the email.”
- In the closing remark, I would suggest changing “we” to “you” in the sentence “Using a full name in the signature helps the reader know who we are.”
Concluding Comments:
Overall, an excellent job on writing back to Evan Crisp with a YOU Attitude. You thoroughly demonstrated a clear understanding and offered friendly and respectful suggestions that define YOU attitude criteria. I have added a few recommendations above, please review my suggestions and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at s.storie@alumni.ubc.ca. Excellent work Alison.
https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/07/20/memo-to-evan-crisp-5/
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