Category Archives: AMS Elections

Return of the Jedi

Allow me to re-introduce myself, says Spencer Keys as he snuggles up to the limited female hacks who still read UBC Insiders. 

gerald deo photo

Spencer Keys was the 96th President of the Alma Mater Society and the first insufferable prat to start saying which number he was. He spent his time afterwards working for provincial and national student associations and working as a consulting lobbyist in Ottawa.

What Spencer fails to mention, is that he is in fact a minute celebrity of the reality star fame. He starred in a documentary entitled College Days, College Nights that threw some UBC students in a house together and chronicled their lives. Yes, this really happened.

In the documentary, Spencer loses an election for VP External, goes on to ban slates (HE IS THE MAN SORT OF RESPONSIBLE* FOR LAST YEAR! DO YOU GET THE CONNECTION NOW???), and then becomes President of the AMS. All under the glory of cameras. [Editor’s Note: This is honestly my dream. If any film producers are reading this, my life is very entertaining]

So, Spencer was kind of a big deal. And after doing real world things, he’s come back to UBC under “unfortunate circumstances.” You should read his article, because the lack of campaigning is seriously so embarrassing.

And because you’re probably wondering when we’re going to go all alliterative on you, yes, Spencer is Sexy. But not just because he’s a tall ginger who dubs himself a gentlemen and wears dashing, waspy attire. No, Spencer is sexy because he tweets about both football and politics. He wants to be a lawyer [Editor’s Note: KAI GOT INTO UBC LAW SCHOOL BY THE WAY] and he actually somewhat cares about student engagement without being a hack who gets off by masturbating to their own accomplishments, which is rare. He can definitely lobby his way into our loins hearts any day.

*actually not responsible for people making fake websites or slate conundrums, at all.


Poster Fun! Redefining a Hot Mess

We know y’all just lovvvvvvve our poster critiques analyses. This year, if you haven’t noticed yet, we’re giving you short, snappy posts multiple times a day. Or at least, we’re trying to. So Carven Li, come on dowwwwwn!

How did THIS hot dish of amazing…

…make THIS hot mess of a poster?

seriously, we did not photoshop this.

The good: there’s Chinese or something on poster! Diversity!!! [Editor’s note: I am not the editor who studied Asian Studies, I apologize]. And nothing says school spirit like the Blue & Gold colours. Plus his face is just so totally adorable!

The bad: How many types of fonts and sizes can you throw on one poster? And alignments?!

The ugly: I’m fairly certain that we all stopped doing the WordArt thing where you outline your letters with another colour when we were 7 and magenta started blinding all of our class projects. Just saying.

BONUS: Someone on Twitter wanted us to be less like a tabloid. Since we heart feedback, here’s a quick analysis of some text:

Lower athletics fees ~ So this was an issue in 2008, when two guys managed to save us hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees. [Editor’s note: I should know, I’ve slept with them both]

The mandatory fee for each student dropped by about $3-4. The user fee freeze was for 3 years, thus I am assuming it will come up for negotiation again this year? Not too sure.

The exact amount of fees saved per student depends on how much you actually participate in athletics. Yes, dodgeball counts. So if you’re in a league, you would have saved $5-10 each.

BUT ~ the Birdcoop used to be, like, hella expensive, and the AMS ended up saving students $225 a year EACH in Birdcoop fees. That is massive.

So basically, I personally don’t think this platform point deserves a spot on this poster when there are more important things for a VP Academic to worry about ~ like Gage South and governance, for example.

TayLo, out.*

*people also wanted us to have bylines, but our god damn site won’t let us, so there. See, we do listen.

UBC’s Very Own Ryan Gosling

Let’s just state the obvious here:

Ryan Gosling is hot.

He had his day with The Notebook, when every girl just wanted to cuddle and fall asleep in Noah’s arms every night. And then, well, Ryan Gosling kind of disappeared. He went on to do artsy things, like indie Canadian flicks, and then took  a hiatus.

And then, BAM! Out of nowhere, after we all kind of forget about him, Ryan Gosling was back. And this time he’s not only hot…

He’s experienced.

He’s a fucking good actor, he’s everywhere, and everyone wants him. HE EVEN BECAME A MEME. 

The same could be said for Ben Cappellacci. Just like Ryan Gosling was part of the Mickey Mouse Club and Breaker High [Editor’s Note: Are you kids too young to remember Breaker High on YTV?! Are you!?], Ben was part of the frat scene, the Senate, and SafeWalk coordinator. And then he had his breakout role as VP Academic. After enjoying such fine things like land use policy, Ben went on to do artsy things, like an exchange to Paris, and took a hiatus from the AMS.

And then BAM! Out of nowhere, Ben is running for President. His name is the headline in every story, his branding is sexy as hell, and he’s here to take UBC by storm just like Ryan Gosling is going to take ALL THE AWARDS.

So, welcome to the race Ben. In honour of everyone’s favourite actor and meme, we’ll be bringing you A Ben A Day, Ryan Gosling style. Like us on Facebook to get your daily dose! 


Meet Ekat!

When not editing her resume, Ekat enjoys making excel sheets, creating flow charts and “networking” with industry professionals… Actually, that’s a lie; five years in Sauder has left her disillusioned and bitter. [Ed. – Isn’t that what you pay them for?]

the face of sustainable architecture, right hurr

more like E-Kute-rina! basically just a real live Kate Beaton comic

In fact, Ekat would much rather run away to Indonesia with some Salvadorian lover and write highly acclaimed beat poetry while building mud houses and shrines to Gaia. In this alternate universe, she would constantly post photos of her life on various social networks as to make everyone jealous of her. Instead, she fills this void by writing for AMS confidential which she believes is a viable current alternative (minus the lover part).

She feels she is more than prepared to take up this challenge during the upcoming elections not because she has almost dated the entire AMS external portfolio at one point, but rather because she ran in the elections and was an executive herself. She has no conflicts of interest other than her apparent attraction to hipsters, bassists or people that understand string theory. A combination of all three is her kryptonite.

Meet Bryce.

it's what you see before death comes for you


Bryce Warnes was reared in the piny wilderness of Vancouver Island. SKILLS: Cussing, wrastling (“mountain style” only), dream-travel, haiku. WEAKNESSES: Hard liquor, pretty mouths.
Warnes’s three years at UBC have painted him with a thin veneer of civility. But while he wears the garb and apes the speech of city folk, he is at heart a savage and recalcitrant creature.
As per the request of his caretaker/trainer, AMS Confidential is allowing Warnes the opportunity to publicly form his thoughts into human words.

It’s on.


In the next few weeks, we’ll be back with more of the finest elections coverage a limited amount of Voter Funded Media money can buy, and some of the finest writers we can poach from other categories of hack. They’ll be introducing themselves over the next few days, starting tonight. But first, a card. For you, you special reader, you.

cards say everything

what do you mean, "shameless pandering"?

2011 Sparkle Surveys: Presidential Edition

These are difficult times, what with the indiscriminate flyerfucking of campus, the slander/righteous media overhaul, and the general debacle that is Bijan Ahmadian’s political career.

At times like this, we turn to our port in a storm, our spiritual inspiration, and we ask ourselves, What Would Foxtrot Do? And then, the answer came to us, gleaming like Glenn Beck’s forehead in the soft light of the Spiderman 3 stage lights. FOXTROT WOULD RUN A PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE SURVEY. BIGGEST RACE. BIGGEST SCANDAL. TOUGH QUESTIONS.

After the break, McElroy, Moll and Shaban face off, but we drop the ALL CAPS (kinda). In the interests of fairness, candidates are presented in alphabetical order.

Continue reading

Sparkle Endorsements 2011

So, apparently the cool thing to do is make videos. We present, THE WORST ENDORSEMENT VIDEO OF THEM ALL. It is cheesy, fantastic, and pink, just like our little cute selves. Enjoy.

YouTube Preview Image

Special thanks to Ekat, Ben Cappellacci, Kathy Yan Li, Sean Heisler, and Luca Chitayat.

Oh, also in recent news, Taylor is single and free of any conflicts of interest.

Where did all the Commerce go?

You all know what a Commerce student is. Even though their new, expensive building keeps them oh-so-exclusive and they’re dwarfed in sized by Science and Arts, you’ve seen them around. There’s at least one of them running that club you’re in and they’re always click-click-clicking away on their Blackberries and Macbooks, dreaming of fast cars and fast money.

So where did they all go? With Ben Cappellacci’s recent resignation from the BoG race, the only Sauder-ite left running for office this year is Michael Moll, who’s a fresh face to AMS politics. His “experience” consists of being 2nd year and 3rd year rep at Commerce and a “business blog” that reminds us of a certain boring Owl. His platform is literally “The AMS should be more like the CUS”. Way to represent, Moll.

Last year’s Commerce candidates were filled with big names like Bijan (joint MBA/Law and, J Rebane (Kicking it with Pedobear), Ekat (a Foxtrot Fox) and Stas Pavlov (writes for these guys). There were seven Commerce candidates last year and almost all of them got elected!

(Interesting sidenote: the only candidate who beat a Commerce student last year was Jeremy McElroy, so look out, Moll!)

What did we do wrong, Sauder; what did we do?

So UBC, show those Commerce kiddies that you still care! Get out your boomboxes and your mix tapes and stand outside those Henry Angus windows! Better yet, maybe pretend to care about their upcoming CUS elections, which I hear some of the above names are running in.

Because underneath their Globe and Mail newspapers and cheap suits,
there beats a heart that wants to be loved. <3

(Bored by a post without any pictures? Don’t worry, our endorsements are going up REEAAAAL soon.

Don’t forget to show US some love, too, and vote for us for Voter-Funded Media funding!)