Category Archives: AMS Elections

Unobtanium Jello Wrestling!

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Well, the event you were all waiting for has come and gone. No, not The Presidential Debate hosted by Issues That Matter and The Media. Instead, The Unobtanium Jello Wrestling event. Held as a part of Science Week, it conveniently falls during elections and, as such, has become a joyous platform for candidates to campaign upon. In many cases, it is also the determining factor for many students yet to cast their ballot. While the non-hack and non-SUS crowd was meager at best, there were some epic battles.
For all you Noobs out there, the objective of jello wrestling is to remove the sock of your opponent in an inflatable bowl/pool of…green jello.  Needless to say, judicious use of tarps (and athletic garb) are involved.
After the cut, more of this:

god, we wish.

PLUS our exclusive live-action Sean v. Joel EngNerd Death Match—and how this year’s candidates compare to those of years gone by.

Voting for Dummies

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Oh, readers. The things we do for you. I am still hungover from last night’s epic hackfest bzzr garden, and I am trying to understand math. I haven’t voted yet, and was confused on how, exactly, voting worked. Over here at Confidential, we used our cute little smiles to coerce our special analyst into helping our cute little brains.

Confused on voting? Keep reading after the jump for how it works.

Want the News for Noobs version? Here is how to vote.

  1. Research ahead of time (these are the candidates, this is who we want to win, and this is the referendum breakdown)
  2. You are allowed 15 minutes to vote. However, you can save your progress and come back later, with 15 minutes allotted each time you sign back in.
  3. Go here anytime between NOW and January 29
  4. Tell your friends to vote! DO IT! <3

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Sparkle Happy Endorsements 2010

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Is it that time of the year already?? Oh, how the initial campaign period has flown. They’ve impressed us on the fields! They’ve impressed us in the debates! They’ve left numerous messages in our inbox! But now it’s time to separate the cream from the chaff and give you our top picks (not entire Condorcet rankings, we’re not total wonks) for this year’s round of AMS Elections. Get ready, after the jump, for this year’s


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The Sexy Referendum

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We’re trying to make this as simple as possible for you normal, less hacktastic folk out there. We’re not lovers of code either, so bear with us.

When you vote online between January 25-29 (here is how to vote and what to expect), besides choosing candidates (here are our endorsements) you will get to vote YES or NO to 9 questions. We’ll present the questions to you now, with full analysis after the jump.

[Editor’s note: On your ballot, these referenda will be in a different order. We apologize for the confusion.]

1) Do you support the removal of Blake Frederick from the office of President?

2) Do you support the removal of Tim Chu from the office of VP External Affairs?

3) Do you support the AMS establishing a $5.00 refundable Engagement Levy to help improve student engagement by encouraging voter turnout and funding engagement related projects?

4) Do you support indexing the fees of the AMS to the Canadian Core Consumer Price Index?

5) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, for the purposes of enabling Student Council to remove an individual from a position as an officer of Council, and other amendments as outlined?

6) Do you support an increase in student fees beginning September 2010 of $1 per part-time student and $2 per full-time student per semester to be directed to the Access UBC Association of Disabled Students for the purpose of increasing accessibility, participation and inclusion for all people with disabilities on campus and in society?

7) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, based on the recommendations of a consultant hired to review the operations of Student Court and of a special AMS joint committee, for the purpose of revising the rules concerning Student Court?

8 ) Should the AMS create a voting seat on AMS Council for students with disabilities by amending Bylaw 5.2(a)?

9) Should the AMS actively lobby for reduced tuition fees and increased government funding?

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Our campaign guide: more surveys!

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As the surveys continue to trickle in, we continue to be oh-so amused by your responses, sometimes to the point of actually laughing out loud.  Aaron Palm in particular charmed us with his ready wit and willingness to bitch about his dead-end job, so we’ve reproduced a little more of his survey than was strictly kosher.  Whatever, dudes, we’re America! We take up as much space as we want, y’all!

The first part of our survey bonanza can be found here.  New surveys, including two presidential candidates and a man with four names, after the jump.

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Yet More Debates: Snoozefest

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Day Four of debates took a huge turn away from yesterday’s barely-disguised sexual tension to… a total snoozefest.  Seriously.  Most disappointing was that Blake Frederick (running for BoG) and Michael Haack (VP Admin) didn’t even attend. Apparently Blake was having health problems (or was just plain tired, or both) and Michael was visiting family.  Too tragic, as our BF’s presence could have completed a Sean-proxy/Guillaume/Blake argyle trifecta.  All the debates suffered from a lack of competitors and audience interest, and the whole thing was over in an hour.

The only even vaguely amusing part of this whole thing was when Guillaume said that if the university tried to push past something unpopular with students, he’d be up in arms! and simultaneously raised his arms. Really.  That was it.  And I put in a corresponding amount of effort:

Photo opportunities with the life-sized cardboard cutout of Sean were also available, so now Crystal Hon has embarrassing pictures of us OH SHEEEEIIIIIIIITTTTT

Later today: better material.

A Life Size Dreamboat!

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Well, today was a little more exciting. Hottie Ekat squared off against Michael in a rather dull debate of generic answers (apparently- this editor was running a little late). Do Me Now Duncan asked the candidates to show some personality, in which Ekat stood up and tried her hardest to garner enthusiasm from the crowd, whereas Michael just tried to re-emphasize his previous points. These candidates are quite different; Michael is studying political science/philosophy, put the words “Let’s Rock This Shit” on his posters, and was wearing plaid. Ekat is a Commerce student who wants to “Build a Better AMS” and was channelling her inner Blair Waldorf with a fabulous peacock headband. Hopefully tomorrow’s debates will allow us to tell the candidates apart a bit better and deem one a dreamboat.

Then came the Board of Governors debate. Guillaume was rocking a crisp suit, Azim was channelling his inner frat boy and Bijan with a pullover, Blake was wearing his classic camouflage (khaki green and khaki), and Sean Heisler was looking radiant in real life. Yes, Sean Heisler couldn’t be at the debate (he’s debating in Winnipeg) so he sent a LIFE SIZE CUT OUT OF HIMSELF along with a proxy. If that’s not sexy, we’re not sure what is. These editors are sswwwooonnning with love, especially after saying that “Defying Gravity” is his campaign theme song (Wicked! Glee! Love!!). Such a dreamboat.

The Board of Governor’s debate was definitely the most interesting, though this editor was still a little bored. Here are some interesting quotes, and we definitely recommend coming out to see the continuation: VP Admin, VP Finance, & Board of Governors Debate in the Norm Theatre, 12-130pm.

The notion that the relationship between the AMS and the University is somehow damaged is absolutely ridiculous.
-Blake Frederick

I violate my values on a daily basis. (crowd erupts in awkward laughter)
-Blake Frederick

I would like to see sprouts growing.
-Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes on what he would like to see at UBC if he had a magic wand as VP Academic

We’d love to see some more personality from the candidates, so please, stop playing it safe.

Also! We received our first fan mail today! A former dreamboat and current candidate made us a UNICORN HORN. That’s adjustable. We’re currently accepting other kinds of love (ahem, endorsements hey?).

This post has no real value.

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We’re sorry to report that our Ladies of the AMS Highly Scientific Flow Chart has been delayed due to unforeseen circumstances (a.k.a we forgot).  In the meantime, you can brighten up your council times with these fun quotes from ACTUAL DEBATERS from today!  Remember, K & T are lazy as all get-out, so these quotes are paraphrased.  Corrections in the comments, plz, and don’t get too upset if we rearranged erroneously 🙁

Sometimes you’ll find yourself sort of the Lone Ranger on council who has an idea of the financial situation [and you’ll have to educate some fools].
– Tom

Prompting this image:

But who is his Tonto??? (Gerald Deo photo)

Lobby days, for those of you who are unaware, are where we send everyone to Victoria to stay in hotels and lobby the provincial government, which costs us over $9000.
– Tim

“Wait, did he just— did that just— OMFG” – Internet Nerds on the side

auuuuuugh too much internets (Gerald Deo photo)

Note to other internet nerds: there is only one intentional meme in this image.  If you see another one, it’s because I can’t draw.

Note to non-internet nerds: Don’t get it? Here you go.

And, finally, on a personal note, Aaron Palm is a goddamn champion.  He may not have won the debates, but for his straight shooting and excellent choice of headgear, he has won our hearts.  Congratulations, sir, and may your JD flow freely and all your future endeavors be successful.  For Chuck Norris Aaron Palm, each testicle IS larger than the other one.

AMERICAAAAAA FUCK YEAHHHHHH (Gerald Deo photo)

(Foxtrot, we expect you’ll have something to add to that.)

Delicious Debates, Part 2

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Well, the debates have come and gone. Unfortunately, they were rather mild-mannered but we were glad to see the great turnout.  In particular we were happy to see you, loud clapping groups who were there solely to give encouragement to your candidate of choice.  Your presence reminded us of why we’re drawn to politics: a deep and abiding love of the sportsmanship and enthusiasm the scene sometimes embodies.

For the Presidential debate, we were glad to see the arrival of a joke candidate, Pak Ho! Or…is he? We’re not sure what to make of a dude whose slogan is “serious business.”  Sean Kim was looking excellent in his suit, and Bijan dressed to match his poster in some black/beige getup as Natalie rocked the blazer.  Hands down, this race will be between Bijan and Natalie, and looks to be a close one. Bijan had no problem citing his resume and was acting flamboyantly “politician” whereas Natalie came across incredibly genuine and focused on interacting with students and businesses.Her leadership experience in the past coupled with those beautiful, wavy blonde locks had us going googoogaga—as did her wicked black suede pumps.  Who knew the plaid contingent could coordinate jeans & heels??  Forestry lady is hawt hawt hawt, professional, and humble, and for this we deem her our first female Dreamboat.

This is what equity looks like (?)

The VP External debate was the most lively by far, with Timkachu, Stas (sans baby and wearing the exact same outfit as seen on his posters), Jeremy “Mr. Beret” McElroy and Aaron Palm taking the stage for debate about Translink, housing, and….gasp! TUITION. Aaron Palm was kicking some serious Sarah Palin ass, representing Texas-style with his cowboy hat and strong drink. He dared to say what none of the other candidates wanted to (minus Timkachu): our tuition really isn’t that high, and its acceptable for tuition to rise at the rate of inflation. Tim represented sweater-vest style and got in some passionate shouty bits, but all hilarities and unicorns aside, Mr. Beret himself was dominating this debate.  Although we hear some candidates went so far as to bring their opponents’ platforms to the debate, he came across as extremely prepared and articulate.  Plus, as we’re suckers for good design, his website is definitely the most beautiful.  Sorry, Johannes, but these editors were swooning over his platform. Look at this thing.  It’s sex in a .pdf.

My photoshops: like buttah

For the VP Finance debate, the Invisible Man failed to show up. Or…did he? Apparently he is an amazing kisser, and we’d like to find out more about this candidate. Perhaps he could return our glittery survey? Unfortunately, since his presence was unclear, this debate wasn’t, therefore, a debate and was over within a few minutes. On the plus side, Elin (totally rocking skinny black jeans, a black belt with a wide silver buckle, and the most professional plaid shirt we’ve ever seen) was looking super sexy and thus…sexier than the Invisible Man.  If any of you ladies have seen or experienced this stud, we’d love to hear the gossip.

Our campaign guide: First Batch of Surveys

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Sunday evening, we sent out surveys to every candidate we could think of, and as of today we’ve received ten back. The love is… palpable? Based on this barely acceptable sample size, here are your aggregated commonalities for AMS electoral candidates:

Our editorial staff has no math majors.

Favorite Board Game: Settlers of Catan
Favorite Monty Python Member: John Cleese
Consensus on skinnydipping, naked high dive: Have done, would do again
Leno or Conan: They’re all with Coco
Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie: Angelina
UN Complaints: none yet
Flow chart results: Johannes/Mike Duncan even split

Funniest: Sean
Shortest: Joël
Nicest: Ekat
Most Apologetic: Alyssa (who was, we understand, sick)
Most Into It: Brittany

After the jump, selected highlights from all the surveys we’ve received so far.  Candidates are grouped according to their position.

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