Breaking: The Not So Awesome New U-Pass

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Hey, remember when we broke that story about how all the students in BC will now be getting access to a U-Pass? And how us cool kids at UBC will have to pay a little bit more? Sounds ok, right? We’re having a referendum on it in March so there will be more on this to come.

However, the new U-Pass system SUCKS SO HARSH. Let us break it down.

  1. The U-Pass will now be monthly, instead of by semester. This is a HUGE pain in the ass, to always remember to go get your U-Pass at the end of the month before it becomes the 1st. Also, isn’t this wasting a lot of paper?
  2. You will most likely be going to a vending machine to get your U-Pass.
  3. If you lose your U-Pass, you can’t get another one until the next month. Update: You can actually get up to one lost one per month, but have to go to the carding office instead.
  4. The U-Pass won’t have your picture or name on it. It also will not be able to swipe in the swipy machines.
  5. You have to present your student card with your U-Pass.
  6. If you are caught without your student card, you are fined $173 AND you are not allowed to participate in the U-Pass program for the rest of the year.

So, let’s say you’re taking the Canada Line to work. There’s a random fare check before you get on the train, and you have your U-Pass in your pocket like you always do. You’re asked for your student card, and then you realize- oh shit, you forgot your student card in your gym bag after using it to scan in at the BirdCoop! If you get a mean transit cop, you’re then fucked for the rest of the YEAR.

Not to mention that if you get your wallet stolen or just misplace your U-Pass (as I do at least three times/year) you are then fucked for the rest of the MONTH.

So basically Translink is trying to crack the whip down on students. Good thing we have some smarty pants on Council. Students, if you get caught, just say that you have no fare instead of showing “half” of it. Then you’re treated like a regular criminal and not that of the super special student criminal. Oh, and if you’re graduating, don’t forget to “lose” your student card! It will be valid for another five years, so you have all that time to get your friends who are still in school to give you their “lost” U-Pass each month.

Thank you, Translink for this epic fail.

Rage your comments and conspiracy theories in the commentzzzzz and

VOTE FOR US IN VFM TO GIVE US MONEY HERE <3 <3 <3

This is Why He’s Hawt

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The most sparkly news we’ve heard in a while is definitely THE RETURN OF THE JOHANNES. He is running for President and that means…that if he wins, he’ll be back on AMS Council. Be still, our hearts.

There’s currently some baby scandal occurring, because he’s not allowed to campaign for the next 24 hours, according to a Facebook message we got. Whatever, we are jumping the gun and officially endorsing Johannes for CUS President. Because Johannes is the best. In fact, he is so amazing and Confidential loves him soo much (possibly more than our uber-crush Guvna Sean Heisler) that we compiled a list.

1. We endorsed him last year for Senate. He was also the VP Academic for the AMS. He knows what he’s doing, and he’s a sexy bitch. Plus, it’d be really great to have another former exec back on council, for some sanity.

2. He was the favourite choice of our AMS Prince Charming guide. We can’t ignore the voters!

3. He is Estonian.

4. He speaks like, 4 languages.

5. He likes Pedobear. This is him at the Anime Convention last year.


6. HIS WEBSITE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. Besides having a great theme which makes him look like the most! fun! person! ever!, he also uses TUMBLR and FOURSQUARE for his CAMPAIGN. [Editor’s Note: Taylor is a huge social media geek and thinks this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. She is weird.]

7. This video. (special appearance by Ben Cappellacci too!)

8. He is a musician, and plays the electric violin. No, we’re not joking. Yes, he’s the perfect man. Listen here. Oh, and he was in a band once upon a time.

9. He wears glasses, enough said.

10. Look at him. He is just seriously so, so, cute. VOTE JOHANNES FOR PRESIDENT.

The Sauder One-Week Referendum Challenge

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On Sunday, the CUS announced they would be having a referendum to iron out a few kinks in their constitution, which they passed just a few years ago, back in 2008. Normally, this wouldn’t be really super-big news, and it isn’t, but it looks like they’re going to try and pull it all off in JUST ONE WEEK!

Why such a hurry? Well, in order for some of the changes to take affect (namely, a smaller Board of Directors), they have to get it passed BEFORE their next election, which is also in a week. In fact, voting has actually been pushed back and shortened for a day in order for people to hold the referendum vote first.

On Monday night at the All Candidates Meeting, Senator Chad Embree appealed to all candidates to include the referendum in their campaigns, to try and make this miracle happen. There hasn’t been any referendum campaigning action yet (since everything seems to be happening on Facebook. Sauder = Sustainable). In order to pass the referendum, there has to be 10% of Sauder’s 2700 undergrads voting with over 2/3 voting yes. So, if my Commerce math is correct, that means they’ll have to campaign as hard as …… any of the candidates in the AMS Elections. Even the ones who no one has heard of and lost by a landslide.

Which is still more than no campaigning, mind you, Sauder.

So we’ve started campaigning for you!
Come to our totally serious facebook group here!

Poster Fun, Round Two!

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Chanchan here.  Day 4 of all of the elections hullabaloo, and I’m tired already.  I’ve already exercised my “democratic right” so all of you should too.  Unfortunately, since most of the posters for BoG and Senate are trainwrecks-in-action, I see no point in subjecting my powers of shallow that far.

Candidates for VP Academic

Matt Parson

Fortunately for Matt, his real poster is much better.  Unfortunately for Matt, it looks exactly like everyone else’s.  I wonder if his photo shoot was at Wreck, as the scenery is just too UBC-promotions-material for it to be anything else. (You can see the photo at his website.)  If this is at Wreck, the location is very apt.  It perfectly describes his multi-colored Facebook campaign, complete with the devil’s font itself, Comic Sans.  However, it has been shown that things written in ugly fonts can be recalled better, so he might be catching onto something.

Jennifer Wang

You have avoided my scrutiny (not criticism, Omar) by being virtually absent on paper.  Congratulations.

Justin Yang

Your poster bears a striking resemblance to both British wartime propaganda and Taylor’s new favorite picture.  So you should appeal to both history fanatics and girls attracted by sparkly things, right?  Maybe not the former; I have read some critique of the finer nuances of your campaign. (Prod me if this is you!) Keeping calm and carrying on is a very different route than keeping calm and voting for you.  At least you have capitalized upon an iconic movement without butchering it completely.  Relatively so anyways.  Let’s be grateful for small miracles though; not a buzzword in sight.

Candidates for VP Admin

Gord Katic

How many skinny scarves does it take to build an AMS Council?! Come on.  You look like your emerging from the fog… and you can’t see a damn thing.  Great look for someone who is supposedly leading us toward more engaged student community.  Reading your poster was like reading an academic journal; too many words, and I gave up half way through.  TL, DR.   I’m not sure if “bureaucratic nightmare” is the proper term you are looking for… an exercise in tact you are not, Gord.

Mike Silley

(Chanchan could not acquire a large enough version of the poster.  Apologies.  Go look on Facebook if you really want.)

There’s something about argyle sweaters that makes Chanchan grin.  +1, friend.  -2, however, for writing an essay in a space meant for twenty or so words.   I do realize that for all my harping on poster design, it is rarely the fault of the candidate, rather their poster designer, but it’s your face on it.  You should be able to decide what smile you want to show up on your poster, Mike.  Too bad all your photos look the same.  All in all, pretty average – but when average is sub-par, you might want to re-evaluate where you stand.  It’d be awesome if I could actually READ what you wrote on your poster… but I guess I’ll have to make do with ogling your argyle sweater.

Kathy Yan Li

For someone that’s vaguely referencing Ke$ha, I expected more skeeviness and less conservative button ups.  But don’t worry, I know someone who can take care of the Ke$ha references for you.  The chalkboard crown is reminiscent of a sticker picture (I would know, I’m Asian, but so are you, Kathy) and there is a strong lack of glitter, despite the “Glitter Up” tagline.  Despite these shortcomings, I find myself strangely drawn to your poster, which is more than I can say for anything else on those forsaken bulletin boards across campus.  So, props, I guess.

In conclusion:  If you run for a Council position with a portfolio that doesn’t begin with A, you’ll be more interesting by default. (don’t forget to vote! and you can also toss us a vote here, we love you).

Websites. You Are Doing It Wrong.

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It’s time to rag on the candidate websites, and ohhhhh lorrdddyy do we have a steaming pile of crap this year. Honestly people… go sit in the Compsci building for 10 minutes with a sign saying “I’LL CONVERT TO LINUX IF YOU BUILD ME A WEBSITE” and you’ll have a computer nerd working for you. Here are a couple of my favourites, because I’m sure as hell not writing about all of them.

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2011 Sparkle Surveys: Presidential Edition

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These are difficult times, what with the indiscriminate flyerfucking of campus, the slander/righteous media overhaul, and the general debacle that is Bijan Ahmadian’s political career.

At times like this, we turn to our port in a storm, our spiritual inspiration, and we ask ourselves, What Would Foxtrot Do? And then, the answer came to us, gleaming like Glenn Beck’s forehead in the soft light of the Spiderman 3 stage lights. FOXTROT WOULD RUN A PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE SURVEY. BIGGEST RACE. BIGGEST SCANDAL. TOUGH QUESTIONS.

After the break, McElroy, Moll and Shaban face off, but we drop the ALL CAPS (kinda). In the interests of fairness, candidates are presented in alphabetical order.

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Sparkle Endorsements 2011

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So, apparently the cool thing to do is make videos. We present, THE WORST ENDORSEMENT VIDEO OF THEM ALL. It is cheesy, fantastic, and pink, just like our little cute selves. Enjoy.

YouTube Preview Image

Special thanks to Ekat, Ben Cappellacci, Kathy Yan Li, Sean Heisler, and Luca Chitayat.

Oh, also in recent news, Taylor is single and free of any conflicts of interest.

Where did all the Commerce go?

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You all know what a Commerce student is. Even though their new, expensive building keeps them oh-so-exclusive and they’re dwarfed in sized by Science and Arts, you’ve seen them around. There’s at least one of them running that club you’re in and they’re always click-click-clicking away on their Blackberries and Macbooks, dreaming of fast cars and fast money.

So where did they all go? With Ben Cappellacci’s recent resignation from the BoG race, the only Sauder-ite left running for office this year is Michael Moll, who’s a fresh face to AMS politics. His “experience” consists of being 2nd year and 3rd year rep at Commerce and a “business blog” that reminds us of a certain boring Owl. His platform is literally “The AMS should be more like the CUS”. Way to represent, Moll.

Last year’s Commerce candidates were filled with big names like Bijan (joint MBA/Law and bijan.ca), J Rebane (Kicking it with Pedobear), Ekat (a Foxtrot Fox) and Stas Pavlov (writes for these guys). There were seven Commerce candidates last year and almost all of them got elected!

(Interesting sidenote: the only candidate who beat a Commerce student last year was Jeremy McElroy, so look out, Moll!)

What did we do wrong, Sauder; what did we do?

So UBC, show those Commerce kiddies that you still care! Get out your boomboxes and your mix tapes and stand outside those Henry Angus windows! Better yet, maybe pretend to care about their upcoming CUS elections, which I hear some of the above names are running in.

Because underneath their Globe and Mail newspapers and cheap suits,
there beats a heart that wants to be loved. <3

(Bored by a post without any pictures? Don’t worry, our endorsements are going up REEAAAAL soon.

Don’t forget to show US some love, too, and vote for us for Voter-Funded Media funding!)

Your Campaign Interpretation Guide 2011: Poster Fun!

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This is a guest post by Chanchan, a new contributor.

My name is Chanchan.  My favorite things are ramen, Chanel bags, and rhinestones.  I have been told I am as shallow as a kiddie pool, but I say that while beauty is skin deep, ugly is to the bone.  Now that’s deep.

While we’re on the topic of shallow, have you seen some of these posters…? Yiiiikes. We like pretty things, so we recommend that you shield your eyes.

Click read more only if you can handle it

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