The Long Distance Relationship

Many of those coming to UBC in the fall are coming from out of town, and many of those have boyfriends/girlfriends at home who they are not sure if they want to dump or try to go long distance.  Well, it’s a tough call.  You gotta ask yourself: Do I really love this person?  If I was away from them for months at a time, would I be tempted to cheat? Do I trust them not to cheat? Would I rather tie myself down with something I know and love, or play the field a little?

For me and my boyfriend, it was obvious that we would choose long distance.  Neither of us wanted anyone else, and we didn’t want to break up; we were in love (and – spoiler alert – still are) and we were sure we could do it, even though we knew it would be really hard.

I can’t make the call for you, but just know this: It can work. It can. That said, it can also fall apart.  Whether going long distance is something that’s right for you isn’t something I can tell you, but I can give you a few tips on how to help keep the long distance spark alive.

• Skype. Pretty much everyone’s got it, it’s free, so why not? You can talk to your beau for hours if you want for no charge, and you get to see their face, too.  You can even get creative and do things like take your laptop to a coffee shop and Skype from there and have a “date” or leave your computer on overnight and fall asleep together. (Not gonna lie… did that second one nearly every night.)
• Mail.  Get your partner to send you letters, and send them letters.  And/or packages.  Packages are extra fun.  For example, go to the dollar store and send them something random, like the eye patch I sent my boyfriend with nothing but a piece of pink note paper with a drawing of a stick figure pirate saying “Arr!”  Also getting them to bake for you is extra nice!
• Spend time with each other.  Over the phone, over Skype, over text even, you have to make time for your partner. Have conversations (if you run out of things to say, there are lots of websites that have random conversation-starter type questions), read a book to them, play internet games, whatever.
• Don’t cheat. Obvious, and I shouldn’t have to say it, but don’t.  Recipe for ended relationship.
• See them lots when you visit home. If you don’t even see them when you’re in the same place… Well, what’s the point?
• For more activities you can do with your long distance significant other, visit http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

For me, long distance worked perfectly.  It was hard at times, and I missed my boyfriend a lot, but we’re still together, and having my relationship that way worked well for me.  It has its advantages: having that familiar person in contact with you regularly helps a lot with home sickness.  Even if you feel that you have no friends and everything is foreign, you at least have them.  It also allowed me to focus on my studies and on friends without having to worry about trying to balance my boyfriend into my schedule too, since we just Skyped every night before bed.  And since I wasn’t interested in anyone else, it wasn’t hard for me to, I don’t know, see lots of handsome men around that I couldn’t touch, or something. I don’t know, because nothing like that happened.

So yeah, it can work, if you put in the effort.  That said, don’t let a long distance relationship limit you and hold you back; don’t spend ALL your time on Skype.  You’re gonna miss out if you do that.  Just take into account your own relationship and what’s right for you. And good luck!

Me and my boyfriend Eric at a big band dance this spring.