Monthly Archives: February 2013

What To Do With Your Life

The dreaded question: “So, what do you plan to do after university?”

I have to admit that I’m guilty of asking it myself; probably because I’m one of those annoying people who have an actual plan for their life after university.  I attribute that fact to my childhood days in which I HAD to have a plan or else I couldn’t sleep at night (yes, as a ten year-old I had to have my life planned out). As a result I cycled through dozens of plans until I decided on the one I’m pursuing today. But, today is not about what my plan is, because that isn’t particularly relevant.  What I want to talk about is how pretty much every twenty-something year old I’ve ever talked to (besides me) has no idea what they’re going to do with their lives.

I am here to tell you: it’s okay to not know right now. Pretty much no one does. (Again, me being the exception.) If you don’t believe me, go talk to your friends. I will bet you five bucks that they don’t have their lives planned out either.

Also: you don’t have to know even by the time you graduate. You can change your major a bajillion times, you can even go back to school after graduation if you discover your true passion later on. Plenty of people don’t find their “thing” until they’re forty or something. If that seems depressing to you, a) take heart in the fact that you aren’t the only one that’s unsure at the age of 20, b) be encouraged that your passion is in fact out there somewhere, and c) if that’s not enough just go try as much stuff as you possibly can to try and find that one thing that you love and want to spend your life doing.  If you don’t go looking, you aren’t going to find anything.

I would like to present to you a story: the story of my mom (her career, that is).  My mother graduated from high school a year early and completed a bachelor of business or whatever it is called at the University of Manitoba. She then went on to McMaster University and completed a BMA so that she could become an accountant.  She had several accounting jobs but never stayed for more than two years because she just found the work so incredibly boring. Then she had me and my sisters and she stopped working for twelve years (in which she was a full-time mom). She enjoyed that time, but when I started junior high school she started studying library science at a local college. She started working at the city library at the bottom of the chain, which was boring at first. She moved up the ranks as she stayed there for several years, and she liked some branches she worked at more than others. Now, she is working at a couple of schools, as a librarian and also as an educational assistant for the band, theatre, and art departments. Pretty far from accounting – but she loves it! She gets hours she’s happy with, she has fun at her job, she loves her coworkers, and she gets Christmas and summers off, too. Took her a long time, but she found a job she loves.

It just goes to show that your university degree doesn’t necessarily define what the rest of your life will look like – and also that you’ll find the job you love if you keep on looking, even if you don’t know what it is right now.

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Stress Management via Mindfulness

It’s true, I’ve written a lot about stress.  However, over the past six weeks I’ve been involved in a Mindfulness Skills group/class-thing through Counselling Services in Brock Hall, and since doing that I’ve learned a lot of valuable skills for managing stress.

First of all, I’d like to talk a little bit about the group itself: everyone there is open minded, non-judgmental, and there for the same reason you are: to learn to deal with stress better.  Confidentiality is expected from everyone, so I will be talking just from my own perspective and share with you some of the things I’ve learned. They’ve helped me a lot!

We all have our coping strategies, whether it’s to distract ourselves with TV or video games, taking time for ourselves by taking a walk or exercising, or chowing down on some comfort food. At some point, all of these things have made us feel better and less stressed out. But sometimes, those strategies don’t work; this is where mindfulness can be very handy.

What is mindfulness? Well, I can’t exactly condense six weekly of sessions into a blog post, but this is the gist of it: you pay attention to where your thoughts and emotions are, be present in the moment, and suspend judgment.

So for example, try holding a random object that has no particular meaning to you. Notice all of the details you can see and touch, focusing all your attention on that object. Your mind will wander; it was built to think after all. Just notice those thoughts and allow them to pass, and return your attention to your object, without judging yourself (berating yourself) for your mind wandering.  Congratulations! You’ve just practiced mindfulness. By being totally present in just paying attention to details in your external surroundings, you can ground yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed and think with a clear head.

You can also focus on internal sensations. Imagine a circle of light is around the top of your head. Now pay attention to all the feelings in that part of your body, and as you imagine the band of light moving down towards your toes, focus just on the parts of your body that are in the range of the light. Notice any tightness in your muscles or anything your skin is touching. Or, you can focus on your breath, and how your ribcage will expand and contract as you breathe in and out.

These are two great ways of calming your mind when you start to feel your stress spinning your thoughts out of control. Another one following these principals that really helps calm me down when I start feeling stressed out or upset is called “5 4 3 2 1.” Basically, you name five things you can see, five things you can hear, and five things you can touch. Then four things you can see, four things you can hear, and four things you can touch. And so on until you reach one.  If you’re feeling upset, it brings your attention away from  that emotion what was causing the distress. When I’m done, I usually find that I can think a lot more clearly and the tension that builds in my chest releases.

Mindfulness can really be applied to anything.  Basically it’s about being in the present, paying attention to details and your thoughts, and not judging.  So let’s say you start stressing out because you got a bad grade on a test. First, you notice that your thoughts are starting to obsess over this grade. You think, huh, I’m pretty disappointed by that grade. My thoughts seem to really be thinking about that a lot. Maybe I’ll pay really close attention to my surroundings so I can calm down. Okay. Now I’ll look at it objectively: This is the mark that I got. I can’t change the past, but I can change how I react in the present so I can shape the future. I’ll accept this grade, and try to identify how I can do better for the next test.

Granted, this is all easier said than done. You have to practice at it. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m getting my point across! I am by no means an expert in this. If you are interested in mindfulness and/or want to get a handle on dealing with your stress, I strongly recommend checking out the Mindfulness Skills Group at Counselling Services in Brock Hall. There are way more aspects to this that I can’t really get to and way more exercises that they can give you.

Since attending the class, I’ve been able to deal with stressful situations a lot better: when I’m upset with someone, I can calm myself down. If I make a mistake at orchestra rehearsal, I can be objective about it and practice more for the next time rather than beating myself up for it. If I start getting overwhelmed and exaggerating the situation, I can bring myself back. This class was probably the best thing I did for myself this year.

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An Ode to Yoga

This post is not actually going to be an ode, because I am not a poet and I don’t really know what an ode is (I’m sure I will by the end of term though; I’m taking second-year poetry at the moment). I am, however, going to tell you why I love yoga so much:

  1. Building strength. Depending on what type of class you choose, some yoga classes can be really intense and build all sorts of muscles you didn’t you you had! And in a more relaxed environment instead of a a loud, bustling environment of a gym or sport.  If you want an intense muscle workout try vinyasa or power yoga!
  2. Increasing flexibility. We tend to ignore our bodies. But really, do you think that hours hunched over a desk are good for you? Stretching and opening your body makes you feel good, less stressed out, and in less pain from sore muscles. (This part is especially good for me since I have chronic muscle pain in various areas.) If you want even more stretching, try a yin class! They hold stretching poses for 3-7 minutes.
  3. Time to focus on the present. Yoga incorporates a lot of elements of a technique called mindfulness (which I’m also learning about in my stress management class with Counselling Services – post on that to come).  Basically, you get to set aside an hour and just focus on the present moment. Concentrate on your breath, on your muscles as they hold a pose.  Stress can get us overwhelmed, but if you take some time to focus on the here and now, it can really calm you down and ground you. Not to mention, our lives can be pretty darn hectic and taking a moment to slow things down can really help your mental health.

Interested in trying yoga? I’d suggest starting out with a hatha class, as it’s more gentle and is a good way to start out. On campus, you can take a class with UBC REC, or try the UBC Yoga Club. REC classes average $80-$100 for one term for UBC students. The UBC Yoga Club charges $10 for a membership, and then all classes are drop-in and cost $2. I’ve done both, but this term I joined the Yoga Club and I like it way more because it costs less, there are more types of classes at more times, and if I have to miss one it’s no big deal since I haven’t already paid for it.

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