Oh, Bijan. When we posted your video, we never thought we’d prompt you to reconsider pulling a Jeff Friedrich and remove your cadidacy for BoG. We especially never thought we’d hear you say this:
The flattering posting by the gorgeous ladies on the AMS Confidential blog made me reflect on the extent of my flexibility for running in both races, and I realized that I was bent on running for AMS President only.
We’d like to thank Emails That Matter, and the academy.
What’s this? A post without pictures?
Well, yes. VFM got an email today with some shiny new potential referenda, much less sexy than the old referenda. And sadly—not because we’re ladies, but because we’re normal forward-thinking people—legislative procedures make our heads hurt. We had to consult codemonkeys to bring you this highly scientific breakdown of What Might Be on Your Ballot:
NUMBER ONE!
What It Says:
1) “Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, based on the recommendations of a consultant hired to review the operations of Student Court, for the purpose of revising the rules concerning Student Court? This revision would make Court decisions binding as soon as they are sent to Student Council, increase the amount of the fine the Court could levy on individuals, require that the Court include judges from faculties other than Law, and remove the Court’s power to interpret the AMS bylaws and its power to rewrite referendum questions.”
What It Means:
NUMBER TWO!
What It Says:
2) “Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, based on the recommendations of a special AMS joint committee, for the purpose of revising the rules concerning Student Court? This revision would eliminate alternate judges, require that there be judges from at least two faculties hearing any case, and set out new rules for referendum questions.”
What It Means:
Of course, all this fun times & happiness may turn out to be for naught, depending on whose interpretation of elections bylaws wins. (See, we told you this wasn’t sexy.) In order to put these beauties on the ballot, they need to be motioned up by Council. Problem is, the deadline for referenda is the 15th—five whole days before Council next meets. And since elections code, as we’ve learned, is writ in steel, well.
But hey, at least you learned something about your student society today! Namely, that there’s a very real reason we pay people to have a vested interest in this stuff.
(With files from our Very Secret Expert, who can totally apply to us to have his name on this post.)
As anyone who was within a 30-foot radius of our collective ear-splitting shriek this morning knows,
WE HIT THREE PER CENT TODAY
in the Continuous VFM. (Vote here!) THREE WHOLE PER CENT. It is like a gift from heaven, except it is from you all.
With tears in our eyes and booze on our breath (yeah, Mariah got nothing on us), we’d like to thank the Academy, our agent, our publicist, and all the wonderful candidates who have worked so hard to be so very, very sparkle-able.
Speaking of which, we have a Very Special Three Per Cent Thank You for all of you, our lovely viewers. We’re proud to present our very first BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE:
Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.
About three things we are absolutely positive. First, Edward is a vampire. Second, there’s part of him — and we don’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsts for our blood. And third, we are unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
Thanks for voting, charming viewers.
Catty Unattributed Overheard of the Day:
OMG, I can’t believe Foxtrot broke news.
That said, it’s absolutely true—Foxtrot was the first to let their admiring public know that Pak Ho Leung, relatively unknown Presidential candidate, has been caught prematurely campaigning on Facebook.
What hurts most, of course, is not that they hunted him down first—it’s the bad erection joke they’ve made in their title. DAMN, SON. That’s unicorn-level good/bad. And for that, we’re giving you our Man of the Hour award, Foxtrot Writers. Well done, sirs—and madam.
<3 <3 <3
smaller than this one, though.
Elections shitstorm’s a-brewin’, kids.
Apparently the folks at the Ubyssey took it upon themselves to ask a few key politicos (*cough*El Bahmadian*cough*) a few key questions during last week’s All Candidates Meeting—standard reporting procedure, one might think.
Except certain elections officials are interpreting this as possible campaigning—strictly verboten until the 18th—and have, hence, forbidden publication of the question and its answer.
Gosh, I wonder if newspaper folk (who are already on edge after months of Blake-Frederick-enacted poor communications) would take offense at that kind of ultimatum?
The totally tragic part is that Newspaper News (Sam Jung) + Elections (Isabel Ferreras) are, like, super-close. Way close. Close in ways we can’t even tell you (but which aren’t what you’re thinking now, perv-o.)
"Hand check" close. (Gerald Deo photo)
I’m trying to think of a reality TV parallel to this, but all I’ve got is, like, Kim & that crazy girl on some old season of ANTM. Thoughts?
Day one after the announcement of candidates, and rumor has it
(and by ‘rumor’ I mean verifiable evidence plus the natural supposition that of course elections officials are in Panic Epic Work Mode at the moment)
that Chief Elections Officer & CEO of Our Hearts Isabel Ferreras has spent her morning off and on the phone to her staff. Certainly we’ve already seen three—three!—BoG candidates drop out. Goodbye, Peter Stein, AJ Hajir Hajian, and Nader Beyzaei—we hardly knew ye.
We’ve got the complete list for you after the break, but first, let’s take a little walk down quelle scandale potentiale lane, y’all.
The buzz at beer last night and brunch this morning was triplefold—quadruple if you count the cheap Gallery pitchers—but it boils down to this:
Happier times. (Photo: Gerald Deo)
And despite—or perhaps because of—the shitshow that’s marked his end of term, Frederick hasn’t given up the political life. He’s thrown his hat into, in fact, three races—not only the usual Senate/BoG pairing, but also the Ubyssey’s Board of Directors. This last is interesting considering that Frederick & our beloved campus publication are not what you’d call the best of friends. There have been scathing editorials all round and a rather sudden crackdown on AMS communications policy getting in the way of good relations. With all that history, one wonders what the Ubyssey Board could look like at this time next year—assuming, of course, that Frederick doesn’t disqualify himself by winning another race.
YOU SEE HOW I SUFFER FOR YOU
cower, puny candidates!! leg-biting will be penalized!
and we have no doubt that she won’t hesitate to use this box, which purpose is to daily—publicly!—keep the voting public very aware of any and all “warnings, violations, infractions and penalties.” It’s a move we here at Fuzzy Kitten Unicorn Scandal are looking forward to a little too much, frankly.
BUT WHO ELSE is out there? here are the people we’ll be stalking bothering in the name of Fair Game Media Coverage for the next month:
All Candidates Meeting! what exciting times. Isabel (Ferreras, Chief Elections Officer) ran things with incredible speed and efficiency, so even heavily venerated hacks are having trouble compiling complete lists. Will Davis, Swarthy VFM Dude, tells us there’ll be an official list out soon, so, uh… this particular tipsy reporter will wait for that.
(What? It’s Friday. I HAVE NEEDS.)
In the meantime, have some fun quotes from our delicious delicious elections comm:
Ricardo (CRO): I don’t want you guys to have my phone number. Most of you guys are creeps.
Isabel: Jell-O wrestling, I don’t know a lot about, but maybe Ricardo can fill you in. … It’s not obligatory.
Oh, yes. There will be Jell-O. And, in the near future, an explanation for this:
Oh, hey, that looks like a fun time.
K + T,
So I was at home over the break, relaxing. While watching old movies,
I couldn’t help but notice that Tom Dvorak bears a good resemblance to
a Kindergarten Cop-era Arnold Schwarzenegger. I think it’s the hair.
With files from Neal Yonson
Kittens and Unicorns,
Neal
Dear Neal,
You’re a total dreamboat, and your taste in childhood movies is impeccable.
Huggles and Kisstaculars,
K + T
Before Council completely overshadows the outdated UN Debacle with its scintillating debate of whether or not to reallocate $1,000 for slam poetry at the Student Leadership Conference, we thought we’d show some love.
MAN OF THE HOUR #1: Edward Pullman, UVSS Director of Finance
Although some may question our commitment to the democratic process for this, we’d just like to point out that it takes balls the size of truck tires to ask students in Victoria to support a shitshow in Vancouver. Plus, look at those puppy dog eyes. Has Finance ever been this cute at the AMS?
MAN OF THE HOUR #2: Hillson Tse, Former Senator and Shit-Disturber
Not only is his entire Facebook full of photos like this, he’s also the creator of the Impeach the AMS Pres & VPX Group on aforementioned social network. Politically active? check. Witty, articulate, and snarky? check. Roster of amazing eyebrow-based expressions? check. Oh, and he does ballroom dancing and likes puppies. Be still my heart.
To combat the brain drain that occurs over winter break, here’s a quick recap of what’s affecting elections this term: namely, the United Nations Tuition Debacle.
The United Nations visited the Knoll
I’m sorry, let me repeat that: the UN DEBACLE!!!!
Quick summary: is tuition a human rights issue worthy of the UN? Blake & Tim and their legal counsel think so, and they’re willing to secretly spend $$$ on it. Oh, it was all just a media stunt? The campus is safe from Too late—we’re still on Failblog. (The Ubyssey has a whole UN category if you’re a total keener.)
—so anyway, the wake of the biggest thing to happen to AMS politics since Slategate ’09 saw student leadership divided into two factions: Blake & Tim supporters, who believe Council are a bunch of groupthinking overreactors and that involving students in the tuition discussion is worth breaking a few rules, VERSUS Blake & Tim detractors (i.e. most of Council), who are generally displeased with the maverick turn Blim have taken. Also, they’re not too happy about said broken rules, especially the ones where they demand to be consulted about large expenses. Not to mention Blim had a secret rendezvous with an expensive lawyer and didn’t invite Council along.
In an emergency meeting in which Blim did not appear (those NDP conventions throw serious parties), AMS Council unanimously passed a motion to retract the complaint to the UN against the BC and Canadian governments in regard to Article 13(c) of the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights. Basically, they showed them who’s boss.
I’m suddenly confused at this methodology that everything has to go through committee.
-President Blake
Thus, when we last left our esteemed student leaders, everybody was all het up. In lieu of legal advice which said that removal from office was not an option*, Team Blim had been censured (note existence of previous attempts to do so) and, in addition:
And, of course, Geoff Costeloe, outspoken Blim detractor & vanity URL holder, had become one of the most polarizing men on campus (see also: Matt Naylor), judging by pure undiluted blogosphere commentary.
So what’s to be expected from this round of elections? Without knowing who’ll run, we can predict platforms in the following non-exclusive categories:
Either way, it’s going to be an exciting month plus, folks.
* Unless, of course, there was a referendum.