Author Archives: taylorloren

About taylorloren

exposing the down & dirty of UBC politics.

The Sexy Referendum

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We’re trying to make this as simple as possible for you normal, less hacktastic folk out there. We’re not lovers of code either, so bear with us.

When you vote online between January 25-29 (here is how to vote and what to expect), besides choosing candidates (here are our endorsements) you will get to vote YES or NO to 9 questions. We’ll present the questions to you now, with full analysis after the jump.

[Editor’s note: On your ballot, these referenda will be in a different order. We apologize for the confusion.]

1) Do you support the removal of Blake Frederick from the office of President?

2) Do you support the removal of Tim Chu from the office of VP External Affairs?

3) Do you support the AMS establishing a $5.00 refundable Engagement Levy to help improve student engagement by encouraging voter turnout and funding engagement related projects?

4) Do you support indexing the fees of the AMS to the Canadian Core Consumer Price Index?

5) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, for the purposes of enabling Student Council to remove an individual from a position as an officer of Council, and other amendments as outlined?

6) Do you support an increase in student fees beginning September 2010 of $1 per part-time student and $2 per full-time student per semester to be directed to the Access UBC Association of Disabled Students for the purpose of increasing accessibility, participation and inclusion for all people with disabilities on campus and in society?

7) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, based on the recommendations of a consultant hired to review the operations of Student Court and of a special AMS joint committee, for the purpose of revising the rules concerning Student Court?

8 ) Should the AMS create a voting seat on AMS Council for students with disabilities by amending Bylaw 5.2(a)?

9) Should the AMS actively lobby for reduced tuition fees and increased government funding?

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Who’s Your AMS Princess?

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A few weeks ago, we presented a flowchart to help you choose your AMS Prince Charming. In a bout of equal opportunity, we’re presenting to you a lovely flowchart to help you find your AMS Princess. (Editor’s note: due to the lack of visible females involved in hackery, and due to popular demand, we have included our cute little faces).

Click the picture to expand the beauty.

So, who was YOUR Princess? See what the results say after the jump. (For those not fluent in Princess-speak, the below goes left to right)

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A Life Size Dreamboat!

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Well, today was a little more exciting. Hottie Ekat squared off against Michael in a rather dull debate of generic answers (apparently- this editor was running a little late). Do Me Now Duncan asked the candidates to show some personality, in which Ekat stood up and tried her hardest to garner enthusiasm from the crowd, whereas Michael just tried to re-emphasize his previous points. These candidates are quite different; Michael is studying political science/philosophy, put the words “Let’s Rock This Shit” on his posters, and was wearing plaid. Ekat is a Commerce student who wants to “Build a Better AMS” and was channelling her inner Blair Waldorf with a fabulous peacock headband. Hopefully tomorrow’s debates will allow us to tell the candidates apart a bit better and deem one a dreamboat.

Then came the Board of Governors debate. Guillaume was rocking a crisp suit, Azim was channelling his inner frat boy and Bijan with a pullover, Blake was wearing his classic camouflage (khaki green and khaki), and Sean Heisler was looking radiant in real life. Yes, Sean Heisler couldn’t be at the debate (he’s debating in Winnipeg) so he sent a LIFE SIZE CUT OUT OF HIMSELF along with a proxy. If that’s not sexy, we’re not sure what is. These editors are sswwwooonnning with love, especially after saying that “Defying Gravity” is his campaign theme song (Wicked! Glee! Love!!). Such a dreamboat.

The Board of Governor’s debate was definitely the most interesting, though this editor was still a little bored. Here are some interesting quotes, and we definitely recommend coming out to see the continuation: VP Admin, VP Finance, & Board of Governors Debate in the Norm Theatre, 12-130pm.

The notion that the relationship between the AMS and the University is somehow damaged is absolutely ridiculous.
-Blake Frederick

I violate my values on a daily basis. (crowd erupts in awkward laughter)
-Blake Frederick

I would like to see sprouts growing.
-Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes on what he would like to see at UBC if he had a magic wand as VP Academic

We’d love to see some more personality from the candidates, so please, stop playing it safe.

Also! We received our first fan mail today! A former dreamboat and current candidate made us a UNICORN HORN. That’s adjustable. We’re currently accepting other kinds of love (ahem, endorsements hey?).

Delicious Debates, Part 2

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Well, the debates have come and gone. Unfortunately, they were rather mild-mannered but we were glad to see the great turnout.  In particular we were happy to see you, loud clapping groups who were there solely to give encouragement to your candidate of choice.  Your presence reminded us of why we’re drawn to politics: a deep and abiding love of the sportsmanship and enthusiasm the scene sometimes embodies.

For the Presidential debate, we were glad to see the arrival of a joke candidate, Pak Ho! Or…is he? We’re not sure what to make of a dude whose slogan is “serious business.”  Sean Kim was looking excellent in his suit, and Bijan dressed to match his poster in some black/beige getup as Natalie rocked the blazer.  Hands down, this race will be between Bijan and Natalie, and looks to be a close one. Bijan had no problem citing his resume and was acting flamboyantly “politician” whereas Natalie came across incredibly genuine and focused on interacting with students and businesses.Her leadership experience in the past coupled with those beautiful, wavy blonde locks had us going googoogaga—as did her wicked black suede pumps.  Who knew the plaid contingent could coordinate jeans & heels??  Forestry lady is hawt hawt hawt, professional, and humble, and for this we deem her our first female Dreamboat.

This is what equity looks like (?)

The VP External debate was the most lively by far, with Timkachu, Stas (sans baby and wearing the exact same outfit as seen on his posters), Jeremy “Mr. Beret” McElroy and Aaron Palm taking the stage for debate about Translink, housing, and….gasp! TUITION. Aaron Palm was kicking some serious Sarah Palin ass, representing Texas-style with his cowboy hat and strong drink. He dared to say what none of the other candidates wanted to (minus Timkachu): our tuition really isn’t that high, and its acceptable for tuition to rise at the rate of inflation. Tim represented sweater-vest style and got in some passionate shouty bits, but all hilarities and unicorns aside, Mr. Beret himself was dominating this debate.  Although we hear some candidates went so far as to bring their opponents’ platforms to the debate, he came across as extremely prepared and articulate.  Plus, as we’re suckers for good design, his website is definitely the most beautiful.  Sorry, Johannes, but these editors were swooning over his platform. Look at this thing.  It’s sex in a .pdf.

My photoshops: like buttah

For the VP Finance debate, the Invisible Man failed to show up. Or…did he? Apparently he is an amazing kisser, and we’d like to find out more about this candidate. Perhaps he could return our glittery survey? Unfortunately, since his presence was unclear, this debate wasn’t, therefore, a debate and was over within a few minutes. On the plus side, Elin (totally rocking skinny black jeans, a black belt with a wide silver buckle, and the most professional plaid shirt we’ve ever seen) was looking super sexy and thus…sexier than the Invisible Man.  If any of you ladies have seen or experienced this stud, we’d love to hear the gossip.

Not So Sexy Senators

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Well, the debate came and went. It was incredibly boring, with the highlight being a member of Issues That Matter attempting to take self photography. We’re trying to make this post more exciting by adding SPARKLY GLITTER. Questions from the audience were definitely the sexiest, with Issues That Matter, “Do Me Now” Duncan, Comrade Costeloe, and Chairman Naylor challenging the Senators.
Only 7 of the 12 candidates showed up. Notably missing was His Excellency Blake Frederick, along with Aminollahi, Miriam, Blair, and Alyssa (who participated via Liveblog). No senators wowed us with any personality and seemed to deviate from questions with generic answers or passing the buck to the BoG. Also, most didn’t know how often the Senate met, when the next meeting was, or what was on the agenda.
Along with debate fail, there was also fashion fails.If you insist on wearing the pinstripe button down, please make sure it fits you properly and is ironed. AJ looked suave with his square cut glasses and facial hair- definitely hacktastic. Honourable mention to Nader for rocking a scarf and v-neck for that “I’m super sexy” swoon. Johannes, we’re requesting you glam it up with a magenta tie to match your posters next time.
Surprise, surprise, Johannes won the poll with 50% of the votes for Sexiest Potential Senator. Thanks for voting, and please come out to the debates tomorrow…AMS President, VP External, and VP Finance Debate 12-1:30pm in the Norm Theatre.
We love votes as much as we love you. So send us some sexy love votes.

Facebook Whores and TWO Penalty Boxes!

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While Emails That Matter was trying really hard to become Facebook That Matters, we had our eye on the Facebook whores long before. Click the Candidates page for all the crazy link love to reference in the coming week.

Plus! Facebook drahmaz.

“Penalty Box: Stas Pavlov has been dealt a first warning for inviting students to a facebook campaign group without approval from the EA.”

“Penalty Box: Ben Cappellacci has been dealt a first warning for posting election material on his facebook page prior to approval.”

Update! “Penalty Box: AJ Hajir Hajian has been dealt a first warning for using a group email listserve prior to receiving endorsement.”

Red Hot News Media

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Slow news weekend? Nonsense. Here at AMS Confidential, we’ve uncovered a bushel bask of RED HOT TIPS for your perusal.  We’re totally like Gillian Anderson as Agent Scully: hot stuff, hot on the case.  Except, you know, there’s two of us.  And we’re pretty sure K is Agent Mulder.

It’s important to note before we reveal this information that we’re aware some of it is pretty hush-hush.  We thought long and hard before letting this out into the open, well aware that we were running a risk in revealing this to the public too soon.  Some of you may not be able to handle the level of scandal we’re about to reveal—for those with weak hearts, we advise taking it in small doses, perhaps by covering part of your monitor with a piece of paper and slowly sliding it down to reveal wee, bite-sized pieces of dirty linen.

IT JUST WON'T DIE (Gerald Deo photo)

Tim Chu’s commitment to his mandate is impeccable: he’s got, like, two whole referenda!  Referenda he’d kind of pledged to do anyway!  He wants the AMS to “actively lobby” for less tuition and more government funding—because currently, they think it’s totally okay for those things to happen! or something like that wherein tuition fees rise as the value of the dollar drops, so you’re not actually paying any more real dollars! but the number is bigger! it’s important!  Also, disabilities.

Mike Duncan is Natalie Swift’s advisor!  Sasa Pudar (UBC Spectator) is running Jeremy McElroy’s campaign!  Running a campaign does not constitute a conflict of interest!  (We think.)

While we’re at it, the following people are rumoured to have potentially conflicting relationships:

  • Bijan Ahmadian & Ben Cappellacci
  • Jeremy McElroy & the Entire Goddamn Ubyssey
  • Me & Your Mom
  • Johannes Rebane & Stas Pavlov

He also loves babies, waxing.

Joke candidates past and present, take note, we are calling you out: Jeremy McElroy is Kommander Keg!  Geoff Costeloe is the Comrade!  And—OMG—hottie Student At Large Nick Fitzgerald is the Invisible Man.  Or, at least, his translator.

Blake Frederick & Bijan = NOT BFFs

The Entire Ubyssey Board of Directors = in the same frat.  Except for Blake.

And, in case you didn’t know—Johannes Rebane is really, really mean. Really, really, reallllllly mean.

caption contest in the comments, yo

Got any more breaking news for us?  Leave it in the comments!  I’m gonna go drink.

…or, rather:  I’m gonna go drink!!1!!1!

(Editor’s Note: Issues That Matter is concerned about our journalistic integrity. Of which we obviously have shit tonnes of. We don’t kiss and tell, but we do like to drink beer after council meetings. In case you wanted to know, as we know you are so concerned with our unbias)

scan-da-lous!

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All I was trying to do is to question the instinct to characterize almost anything that happens in relation to elections as “hot”, [BREAKING] news without any verification or reflection.
-Issues That Matter

On a relatively slow media day yesterday – as in, no Bijan ballerina videos – it seems that other VFM outlets and The Media are  creating some drahmaz almost as sexy as Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. If you’re the type who fancies a classy lay like ourselves, you can always vote for us. Here’s a quick breakdown of yesterday’s stir. Warning: clicking the links may cause you to transport back in time to high school.


Elections Guru vs The Editors

Miss Elections Guru and The Editors over at The Media have been in a bit of an awkward turtle. The Ubyssey wrote an adorable editorial about the Elections Guru, in which she then responded with a professional slap back. BOOYAH, bitches.

Chairman Naylor vs The Boyfriend

Our beloved Chairman Naylor (bowing on bended knee as I type) wrote epic Naylorisms about electoral code and blah blah blah. Then, he apparently had a comment glitch, in which The Boyfriend of Elections Guru posted a long meandering rebuttal. Since comments were not working, he made a Facebook note and tagged various hacks and The Media to get his sexy point across and swoon his beloved lady. Chairman Naylor then responded again. Meow.

Issues That Matter vs Emails That Matter vs Foxy Trout

A Mr. Callow emailed Emails That Matter, Foxy Trout, and the Sex Goddesses about a “hot tip” which was published here and here (we’re lovers of abstinence, personally). The following catfight occurred:

Issues That Matter: Bitches, we heard that long ago.
Kommander Keg: OH SNAP, biatch!
Probable editor of Emails That Matter under a secret name: Good job.
Foxy Trout: Issues That Matter, get your nose out of your ass. You’re just jealous we got the tip, you didn’t report it yo.
Issues That Matter: Here is a long list of things proving that I am correct. You yourself even reported this accidentally. Emails aren’t important, Issues are what really Matters. And Foxy Trout, it is on our page. #journalisticwin

And there you have it kids. Stay tuned for when the CANDIDATES start making waves, sheesh. We’re hoping for a John Edwards mixed with Jamie Lynn scenario, personally.

lulz of the day.

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In the wee hours of the morning of January 15, we received a grievance. On behalf of all unicorns, we will sincerely try to stop them from being harvested for their kidneys by Chairman Naylor by providing you with more delicious AMS content, complete with sparkles.

Not the unicorns!

Also, our journalistic intelligence (yes, we can solve any crime by dinner time just like Mary-Kate & Ashley) tells us this was sent by a certain former dreamboat and current candidate…