This past Friday, the harp students had a studio class where we all play a piece for each other, give each other constructive criticism, and there’s also a teacher there who critiques as well. I played my piece, and my classmates told me what was good, and what needed work, and that was fine. I appreciated that. Somehow, the criticism from my peers was much easier for me to handle than what came next. I wouldn’t say that the harp teacher who was there (not my harp teacher) tore me apart, and she definitely wasn’t “out to get me.” I know that all of her comments were well-meaning, and she wants me to be the best musician I can be as much as anyone else. And yet, that didn’t stop me from feeling like crap once the class was over.
The class made me feel as though I have no idea what I’m doing, artistically. Maybe this is because my teacher and the teacher at the class tend to have opposite opinions, but it still felt bad, and I honestly don’t want to practice that piece now because it makes me feel like an idiot. I also felt like all the other students had all their pieces in performance condition, when I totally do not. I felt really behind.
Over the weekend I’ve thought about it a lot, and I was reminded of my pre-kindergarten self: I was determined that I had to know how to read before I went to school. I didn’t want to be behind. So, I taught myself to read. I also wanted to know how to play piano before my first piano lesson, but my mom put her foot down on that one. But I think the effects of this Friday’s studio class are an echo of what has apparently always been ingrained in me; I want to be perfect before I even get there, to not need criticism.
Well, newsflash, this is a university. A school. A place to LEARN. If we were all perfect already we wouldn’t be here, right? You’re not expected to know everything beforehand, that’s what your teachers are HERE for. If I could finally just internalize this lesson I think I’d enjoy studio class so much more.
That's me! I'm a fourth year, introverted, Winnipeg-hailing, blog-writing, cookie-eating, harp-playing, yoga-doing, blanket-knitting music student at UBC. I'm always trekking around campus in my Pumas and massive black backpack, and if you spot me, come say hi! It would be nice to know someone actually reads these things!
