Tag Archives: fear

Lessons Learned From an Opera

Or more to the point, lessons I learned from playing an opera.

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that in the past, playing in the orchestra has majorly stressed me out, made me feel intimidated and incapable, and my fear of ensemble playing even drove me to a panic attack this January. However, with the help of mindfulness classes and gaining experience playing the opera, I’ve learned a lot. I just finished playing another orchestra concert last Friday and the whole process was much smoother, less nerve-wracking, and actually fun.

The first thing I realized was that everybody is here to learn. Not everyone is going to hit every note at the first rehearsal, and there’s a decent chance no one will even notice if you mess up. And there is a definite chance that no one is going to hate your guts if you mess up. We’re all students – making mistakes is part of learning! If you do make a mistake, it’s your job to figure out why and fix it for next time, but beating yourself up over it is totally uncalled for.

Another thing I learned somewhere along the way is to not take criticism personally. If the conductor tells you you’ve done something wrong, it’s simply because you need to fix it for the sake of making the ensemble sound the best that it can. It doesn’t mean that the conductor hates you, or that you’re a horrible person. The key word in “constructive criticism” is constructive.

Feeling intimidated still? Don’t! The next thing I learned was to play confidently. Playing confidently, even though it seems scary, actually helps you play better. And being too scared to play loud enough isn’t a way around your fear of someone hearing you play something wrong; you’re actually not doing your job if you can’t be heard when you need to be. Breathe in, say you yourself, “I can do this! Anything can go right!” and let the music flow. It’ll come right out.

And finally, don’t be afraid to ask questions. I sat in on a Vancouver Symphony Orchestra rehearsal this Sunday, and they just pipe up with any questions they may have right away. It’s better for everyone if you can clear up any confusion from the moment it arises. If you’re not sure if you should ask the conductor, you can always start with your section leader. (Story time! During the last orchestra concert, I was having trouble hearing from where the harps were set on stage. I emailed the conductor and talked to the stage manager and it got cleared up! Problem solving for the win!)

Basically, it gets better with more experience, and also with a more objective attitude. Stay calm and believe in your capabilities and you’ll be fine. After all, what’s the best that could happen?

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Filed under Academics, School of Music

Reflection on First Year

I know it’s a bit belated, but I wanted to take the time to look back on my first year at UBC.  It’s definitely been quite the journey, and it’s obvious to me that I’ve changed quite a bit since the beginning of the school year.  And in my reflection, I’ve picked out a few pointers for those heading into the big scary world known as university. (Protip: it isn’t actually that bad.)

When I first arrived in my Totem dorm room, well, I was terrified.  When my parents left the day before classes, I cried, hard.  And then I continued crying for about the next week.  I was lonely as all get out, and I wanted nothing more than to go home.  Oh, I thought UBC was pretty cool – a pretty campus, great teachers, my classes were all really interesting, and I loved my harp teacher – but by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I literally skipped on my way to class knowing I’d be on a plane later that afternoon.

Fast forward to the end of April, when I choke back tears as I say goodbye to my new friends who I have grown to love so much over the past few months, as I lock my door for the very last time.  The girl who wanted nothing more than to leave this place and go back to her familiar world was sad that first year was ending! This brings me to Tip #1: It will get better.  You might be lonely at first, but give it time, and you’ll find your place, and you’ll love it.

So what changed that made me feel so much better?  Well that to me is a no-brainer: I made friends.  That’s not to say I had no friends first term,but the people I talked to I didn’t fully click with, and as a shy person, to really feel comfy I need people around me who really get me and that wasn’t something I found til second term. So how did I make these really awesomely amazing friends? I did fun things with them! Namely entering Totem’s Best Dance Crew. Participating in that one event drew me close to the people I’m now so close with, which brings me to Tip #2: Say yes to stuff. Now, when I say say yes to stuff, I don’t mean say yes to drugs or feel pressured to party; what I mean is, if someone knocks on your door and asks if you wanna go for supper with them, if your only excuse to not go is, “Uh.. nah, I don’t really feel like it, I’d rather sit in my room by myself and eat takeout,” say yes.  You’ll get to have a potentially great conversation with them and get to know them better.  It could become a routine and then hey, you’ve got your social interaction every day, and it could expand into other activities too.  Say yes to rez events (I can’t stress that enough, UBC rez events are so much fun!), say yes to going to get coffee, exploring campus, playing ultimate on sunny days, joining a club, going down to the beach, group study sessions (to be honest, I skipped out on that one – I study way better on my own), just go and do stuff.  Sitting alone by yourself is not going to get you anywhere. Literally.

In terms of academics, I didn’t have the shock most people do.  I graduated high school with ridiculously high grades (as in like, practically 100%), and my average dropped about ten percent like most students, but I mean, I still have a ninety average I have absolutely nothing to complain about…  One thing I have to say is that I have learned an absolutely incredible amount.  The academic standard at UBC is top notch, the professors are some of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and you get the freedom to try a whole bunch of stuff you’ve never even heard of before – I tried German and loved it!  Aaaaaand I also tried Philosophy and discovered I never ever want to take another philosophy class ever. But that’s okay! Tip #3: Try out new subject areas – you never know what you’ll fall in love with.  And hey, it’s okay to find out you don’t want to do something, too. University gives you the freedom to figure yourself out.

My first year at UBC has opened me up to so many opportunities in so many areas. I’ve gotten to meet a ton of cool people and I’ve come out of my shell a lot, I got to participate in tons of rez events, I picked up yoga, I went to a dance for the first time in my life (seriously), I got to participate in a research focus group (complete with blue chip cookies!), I’ve improved tremendously on the harp, I got to try out playing in an orchestra for the first time, I got to meet one of my all time favourite harp performers, I got to write this blog, I got to see this amazing campus and beautiful BC, I learned to take care of myself and handle responsibilities, and in my future years I intend to take advantage of exchange opportunities and on campus employment.  Seriously.  There is so much to do and experience, so that’s why my Tip #4 is: Find balance.  It’s hard, but it’s important to study hard but also form strong relationships, explore your passions, make the most of your time in Vancouver, and enjoy life.

If I could go back to last September, I would give me a hug and say, “Hey, it’s going to be okay! You’re going to love it!”  And I don’t think me from the past would believe it, but it’s true.  If you’re an incoming student and you’re scared, I totally understand.  Just know that everyone else is freaking out too and it’s only gonna get a whole lot better.

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Filed under Academics, Residence, Wellness