Okay, so I’ve read some of the other blog posts on the blog squad page, and from what I’ve been reading, most people’s attitudes are generally OMG EVERYTHING IS SO AWESOME and WONDERFUL and INSPIRING and PERFECT and I maybe had one moment of doubt BUT THEN IT WAS GONE and now EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!!!
Okay, so I exaggerate a little. But generally I’m finding that people are all talking about all the good things, and pretending that there is nothing bad.
That’s typically what I’m finding is the case with most of the people I’ve met from my first year class; everyone is intensely lonely but at the same time pretends they’re very happy and have no doubt about coming to UBC and are SOOOO glad to move out of home. Well, pretending is not my job. No sir. So here is what I’m going through, and I expect that many of you out there are having a similar time.
I am very homesick. My home, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, are all more than a thousand kilometres away. The food here is decent, but it’s nothing like a home-cooked meal. It’s pretty terrifying to have to constantly looking out for myself, because I miss things and make mistakes, which I’ve already done. Giving my harp teacher my home number and not my cell was a really nice touch to that one. I don’t know anyone here, and I get really lonely. I don’t know many people in my classes, and the ones I do have very different schedules from me, so I often just end up eating lunch by myself. I start to wonder if coming here and doing a music degree is really what I want anymore. I wind up with a lot of time and nothing to do with it, and the homesickness is always the worst then.
I’m sure I’m not the only one, and it amazes me how everyone goes on about how they couldn’t wait for their parents to leave and all of that. For those of you right now who are very concerned, I am getting better. Honestly, I am sure it’s a matter of getting used to everything, and making good friends DOES take a long time, especially for someone shy like me. And ones classes get going (and get more interesting) I’ll have homework and studying to fill up my time.
Basically, what I want to say is, if you, like me, are lonely, you aren’t the only one. I know it doesn’t make it go away, but just know everyone around isn’t nearly as self-assured as they appear to be.