Okay, so I’ve read some of the other blog posts on the blog squad page, and from what I’ve been reading, most people’s attitudes are generally OMG EVERYTHING IS SO AWESOME and WONDERFUL and INSPIRING and PERFECT and I maybe had one moment of doubt BUT THEN IT WAS GONE and now EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!!!
Okay, so I exaggerate a little. But generally I’m finding that people are all talking about all the good things, and pretending that there is nothing bad.
That’s typically what I’m finding is the case with most of the people I’ve met from my first year class; everyone is intensely lonely but at the same time pretends they’re very happy and have no doubt about coming to UBC and are SOOOO glad to move out of home. Well, pretending is not my job. No sir. So here is what I’m going through, and I expect that many of you out there are having a similar time.
I am very homesick. My home, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, are all more than a thousand kilometres away. The food here is decent, but it’s nothing like a home-cooked meal. It’s pretty terrifying to have to constantly looking out for myself, because I miss things and make mistakes, which I’ve already done. Giving my harp teacher my home number and not my cell was a really nice touch to that one. I don’t know anyone here, and I get really lonely. I don’t know many people in my classes, and the ones I do have very different schedules from me, so I often just end up eating lunch by myself. I start to wonder if coming here and doing a music degree is really what I want anymore. I wind up with a lot of time and nothing to do with it, and the homesickness is always the worst then.
I’m sure I’m not the only one, and it amazes me how everyone goes on about how they couldn’t wait for their parents to leave and all of that. For those of you right now who are very concerned, I am getting better. Honestly, I am sure it’s a matter of getting used to everything, and making good friends DOES take a long time, especially for someone shy like me. And ones classes get going (and get more interesting) I’ll have homework and studying to fill up my time.
Basically, what I want to say is, if you, like me, are lonely, you aren’t the only one. I know it doesn’t make it go away, but just know everyone around isn’t nearly as self-assured as they appear to be.
8 Responses to The Truth
Hey I know exactly how you feel. I’m living off-campus and I feel so miserably lonely as I walk around the campus and wishfully hope that I was friends with everybody in the university, just like how I was friends with most of the people in high school. Everyone seems to be in a happy state of mind here at UBC and I have to admit, I do pretend to be cheerful when I talk to people in my classes. Even though I live with my mom and my sister, my trip to school takes an hour or even more, and the fact that I live far means that I’m always exhausted when I get home and it is only stopping me from going to most of the events, especially the ones late at night. I’m glad to finally connect with someone. We should really meet up sometime. Although we can’t make up for all the friends we miss back home, we can at least feel sympathy and cheer up one another. Email me or add me on facebook if you want. All we can do is hang in there and patiently wait for things to settle down :)
This is exactly why I wrote my recent blogpost (https://blogs.ubc.ca/yamyam/archives/842).
Work at it, plant some seeds, and eventually things will grow even for us shy folk(and yes, homework will definitely pick up after the first few weeks.)
Looking forward to meeting you at a Blog Squad get-together!
Difficult, isn’t it. I appreciate your honest reflection. Keep an eye out for opportunities to get involved on campus. Maybe also check out CLASS in mid-October (class.ubc.ca): it’s a conference/series of workshops on academic success and wellness for first-year students like yourself.
You’re doing a great job by taking the first step and auditioning, by the way.
The trick is to have something to do. When you don’t have something to do, make it so that you’re finding something to do. When that’s done, be flexible and have options!
I extend a welcome for you to email me to meet up inbetween classes if you wish! Welcome to the Blog Squad.
My heart goes out to you — I moved far away from home as well and came here not really knowing anyone at all. It was so lonely for so much longer than I wanted it to be, and I often wondered what was wrong with me when everyone else seemed to be settling in just fine. It does get better, but in the meantime, please do email me for a meet up if you want someone to talk to or if you want someone to have lunch with.
Also, I think it’s so marvellous that you actually play the harp! I always wanted to and for some reason, my parents kept rejecting it with excuses of ‘It’s way too big for you, dear.’ So I would love to meet you one of these days. :)
I feel the same way. I thought I was going to meet a bajillion new people and find awesome friends in the first week alone. Instead I found myself clinging to people I know from high school and other areas, and not really extending myself in the way of meeting new people.
I’m pretty sure this will remedy itself once I start participating in clubs, but that is a long two weeks away :(
Welcome to the Blog Squad! As you get more involved on campus, your loneliness will start to fade. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email!
I love your honesty! :) It’s okay a lot of people feel that way in the beginning, you meet so much people but it takes a while to gain real friends. Join clubs, clubs day is in 2 weeks i think, and res life gets fun with time :) welcome to the blogsquad :)