Today was my first ever orchestra rehearsal. I have played harp in a large ensemble before today; I started playing too late in high school to ever in be in the Winnipeg Youth Orchestra.
So naturally, I was nervous. Very nervous. After all, I’m a total newbie playing with people who are practically professionals, at least compared to me. I could feel my heart rate increase dramatically as the conductor stepped onto his podium, and the rehearsal went downhill from there.
I missed nearly all my entrances. I lost count countless times. I’ve only had the part for two weeks, and since my hands are still a little injured I can only practice so much every day, and in trying to prepare my solo pieces as well, the orchestra part I got wasn’t quite learned for today. Mostly, but not quite. Well, it turns out that all the parts I can do really well are buried under mountains of double bass and brass, while the parts I’m not sure about are pretty much solos. And all of them I screwed up today.
I felt so awful. Embarrassed. Ashamed. I should be better than this!
I know, I know. There’s still an entire month til the performance (which is at 8 pm in the Chan on March 31, if anyone wants to come), and I’ll have it learned by then. I hope. It was my first rehearsal ever, it’s okay, yadda yadda…
I just feel like I let myself down. And that is much worse than anyone else.