Failure is a stinging slap in the face

Today was my first ever orchestra rehearsal.  I have played harp in a large ensemble before today; I started playing too late in high school to ever in be in the Winnipeg Youth Orchestra.

So naturally, I was nervous.  Very nervous.  After all, I’m a total newbie playing with people who are practically professionals, at least compared to me. I could feel my heart rate increase dramatically as the conductor stepped onto his podium, and the rehearsal went downhill from there.

I missed nearly all my entrances. I lost count countless times.  I’ve only had the part for two weeks, and since my hands are still a little injured I can only practice so much every day, and in trying to prepare my solo pieces as well, the orchestra part I got wasn’t quite learned for today.  Mostly, but not quite.  Well, it turns out that all the parts I can do really well are buried under mountains of double bass and brass, while the parts I’m not sure about are pretty much solos.  And all of them I screwed up today.

*head desk*

I felt so awful.  Embarrassed.  Ashamed. I should be better than this!

I know, I know.  There’s still an entire month til the performance (which is at 8 pm in the Chan on March 31, if anyone wants to come), and I’ll have it learned by then. I hope.  It was my first rehearsal ever, it’s okay, yadda yadda…

I just feel like I let myself down.  And that is much worse than anyone else.


Filed under Academics, School of Music

5 Responses to Failure is a stinging slap in the face

  1. “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill

  2. It’s okay!!!! Good luck and have fun.

    Also, can I ask who you’re playing? It doesn’t say on the website. You should advertise more when the date’s closer, I went to the one last term and it was FABULOUS AND FREE and inspiring. If you don’t, I will.

    • We’re playing a percussion concerto by Jennifer Higdon, a Sibelius symphony and Beethoven. (I am only playing in the percussion concerto though – and yes, I will advertise more closer to the date)

  3. Don’t worry! Try to practice as well in your head – imagine yourself playing smoothly in different situations (rehersal, live concert, etc.). This will help your brain to remember the “good moves” of your body, so it can apply it in the reality. I’m a musician too and I found it useful to gain self confidence and keep my head cool. Regards!

  4. It’s all good–now you’re super motivated to excel ;D Looking forward to your concert!

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