Author Archives: taylorloren

About taylorloren

exposing the down & dirty of UBC politics.

Mascot Madness

Oh. Dear. God.

Sauder, according to its own press, has “reached a point where we take ourselves way too seriously. We’re students! In university!!”  So what have these unheard-of levels of self-awareness prompted—a mandatory soul-searching elective? New courses on ethical business practices? Zen meditation?

Hmm, no. Doesn’t sound like the faculty. How about a $6000 mascot competition? Sauder students have pitted their own semi-artistic overachievers against one another, voting on submitted designs. The winning design will actually get made, and presumably some kid with hidden art skills will achieve the two holy grails of Commerce: winning, and cash money.

Hence our first feature was born, Mascot Madness. The following three posts (Saturday! Sunday! Monday! A LONG WEEKEND OF HILARITY) are a collaboration between Trevor Record (Features) and Justin McElroy (Coordinating) of The Ubyssey, Kai Green and Taylor Loren of AMS Confidential, and Neal Yonson of UBC Insiders. It’s long, but we promise it’s not tedious. If you’re actually in commerce, voting ends on Monday. Spread unicorn love accordingly.

Warning: The opinions contained after the jump may reflect some disillusionment or refer to negative stereotypes of Sauder students. Rest assured, we’re not all bitter Artisies, suffering away only to graduate into the worst job market in umpteen-hundred years. Some of us are in Science too.

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Executive Report Cards, Part 1

Hopefully all you lovely readers are enjoying your summer, blissfully free of UBC. We’re still here, and also kind of bored… so we read all the AMS executives’ quarterly reports.

Critiques, you ask? Applause? BISH PLZ. That would require us delving into the Issues That Matter. Since it’s impossible to get an interview with these sexy folk, we’re just going to stop at the surface level of their reports. (Which, we might add, would make any stakeholder cringe at the epic amounts of graphic design fail. Can’t you people get some artsy interns in or something?)

 VP Administration

FTW: Completed SUB negotiations; maintained perfect mane. Mad Commerce negotiation skillz earned the AMS a grace period of 8 years for services in the old/current SUB, and maintained the winning side of fixed interest rates, among other things. Planned SUB Architect Selection.

Facepalm: Failed to save the equity program from the chopping block—which may or may not be seen as a good thing, depending on whether you <3 equity or capitalism more. Yay for a lighter portfolio?

Sparkles: there is apparently a “huge ongoing issue” with the water polo club…wait, what? We have a water polo club? Um, we’re having a major flashback to the good ol’ days, when we were but young sprogs watching the OC in our dorm/parents’ rec room…

not to be confused with an Issue That Matters.

Dramz (Possibly Imaginary): She mentioned the Ubyssey Architect profile of stock questions to the firms and how that helped their campaign in March…however, she totally snubbed former VP Admin Crystal Hon & the intense Issues That Matter blogging that occurred in April while Architect Selection was actually taking place. Plus, Crystal wasn’t present at the signing of the SUB negotiations…which she worked on for a year. KNIFE FIGHT OR JUST DUMB POLICY?

Her quarterly also mentions a miscommunication between the former Equity Big Head Guru & the new occupants of her once-proudly-Equitized office space. Hey, Emma? apparently you need to return some keys. We know leaving is hard, but sit-ins are just too, too retro.

“While I am in commerce, I’m no blood-thirsty, greedy, proletariat-crushing capitalist that hates equity and i think the whole Equity idea within the AMS has gone amuck.”

Ben Cappellacci, VP Academic & University Affairs

FTW: Ben’s working on implementing the Credit/D/Fail system which will help our—well, mostly your—GPAs! WOO. He also merged the Safewalk and Safety offices and seemed to generally care about and work with international students.

this bears little relevance but had to be posted anyway.

Facepalm: Ben mentions the “Sale of Liquor” database in his report…but SOL’s are “Special Occasion Licenses.” Ben writes as if he is involved in this project, while in reality, this editor hasn’t witnessed Ben inputting over 1000 SOL’s into a database past midnight on a Saturday night. [Important disclaimer: Taylor, Girlfriend of Insider, gets all defensive when her mans has to work late.] Ben’s office houses the binders that the SOLs are stored in, but this is mainly an Issues That Matter volunteer project.
Also, Ben doesn’t seem to love council much.
Sparkles: The new campus plan for the next 20 years includes the goal to house 50% of all UBC students in residence. The Sauder Store is coming in September 2011, and we only have 2 more years of the horrid Vista system left (OH THANK GAWD).
Dramz: Ben lays some executive-speak smack down on former AVP Ian Turner, saying their relationship was “strained at best” and that Ian “was unable to produce a completed project during his time in the office.” Ooo~ooh, burn. On the other hand, Ian totally made Sportswriter of the Year.
“AMS Council is truly the stuff of legend.”

die, old man blazers, DIE.

Jeremy McElroy, VP External
FTW: Jeremy went to Ottawa, came home, and we became Associate Members of CASA again! He also dealt with a debacle around the U-Pass Subsidy Fund, which was fully allocated to students in financial need for the first time ever. He then found out that the U-Pass mailouts were being paid for from this fund, so there was a 60k overdraft. Bad former Execs! bad!
FACEPALM: OH MY GAWD THAT BLAZER. Also, a notable lack of copy editing in this one. We’d volunteer to look over the drafts next time, but somehow we don’t think he’d go for it.
Sparkles: what’s up with Lobby Days? Is that happening this year despite the OVER 9000!!!1!!!!1! DOLLARZ aspect? What does a girl have to do to score herself an invite to that party?
Dramz: HST is looming like my thighs after a winter of inactivity, and there’s a BC Lobby initiative trying to get off the ground. And considering that the province has promised a universal post-secondary pass but provided no details—well, it doesn’t take a Commerce major to realize that our traditionally Hells Of Low fees could rise to accomodate other schools.
More next time, as we delve into the shallow, shallow depths of QUARTERLY REPORTS woooooo

 

Guest Editorial: Justin McElroy Rants for 2,000 Words

In keeping with our commitment to bringing you the greatest news from the finest minds, Our Editorial Board of Great Truths & Unbias persuaded Justin McElroy, glistening beacon of truthiness, to write a few words on the subject of the ongoing student court debate, or, as we like to call it, What Passes for Scandal These Days.  Justin, in addition to being one of the finest political analysts around, is the Ubyssey’s Coordinating Editor for 2010/2011. He also served as Sports Editor last year, which he would like you all to forget, and as News Editor in 2008/2009; he also writes an infrequent column/blog/cranky old man rant for Macleans on Campus.  Justin is indeed the cousin of Jeremy McElroy, VP External, and possesses a similarly-sized but not expressed dose of the Patented McElroy Charm.  Also, if you pester him, he can show you family baby pictures on his iPhone.  There are at least three Justin McElroy Memorial Items, none of which have anything to do with this article.

Full disclosure: Kai not only works with Justin (at the Ubyssey) and is dating Jeremy, but has also been told by Justin that the prospect of her attendance at theoretical future family events is, and I quote, “uncomfortable.” It’s uncomfortable to us all now, Sparky.

HOUSECAT, HOUSECOAT

Oh, hello.

You may know me as “the guy from The Ubyssey,” or “McElroy who isn’t Jeremy.” I am writing here because a) This entire AUS election/Student Court judgement pile of stupid has annoyed me greatly, b) I did not feel it would be responsible to publish a sarcastic 2000 word diatribe on this stupid little fiasco on the website I oversee, and c) I want to a choice curse word or two, just for kicks. It’s fucking irritating and I want it to go away. Also, I may have been promised a tasty beverage or two for doing this. And Kai asked me to. So there’s that. [ed. note: Oh, he loves the attention.]

That disclaimer out of the way, let’s go ahead with the ranting and the shaking of fists. Continue reading

A Procrastination Post! Your April News for N00bs

Confidential is back, Koerner’s isn’t, and surprise, surprise the AUS is a shit show once again.

Brian vs Ryan vs Student “Court” vs Naylor vs OMG Enough Already

So the AUS is a goddamn nightmare. It all started with this document that makes no fucking sense and hurts our cute little headband decorated brains. As a fellow sexy blogger once said, “most of it is irrelevant shit amounting to intellectual masturbation.”

So, n00bs: Naylor was the AUS Elections Administrator and isn’t a fan of Student “Court” as referenced by “the rising scourge of kritarchy.” Student “Court” dislikes Naylor because…we’re not quite sure. Let the battles commence.

In the AUS Presidential election, Brian beat Ryan by one vote. Ryan filed an appeal to the SC over a single ballot that he thinks was ambiguous and should therefore be spoiled, meaning it wasn’t a tie, meaning Naylor’s tiebreaking vote wouldn’t count, and meaning that Ryan would be EL PRESIDENTE.

However, SC went all power thirsty like the Volturi and began to “investigate” the situation. They ramble about the background of the election, how paper ballots got fucked up, how the results apparently caught on fire, and concluded that in the end there was STILL A GODDAMN TIE (seriously, we’re not making this up).

However, what is really alarming (think black iris thirsty alarming) is how they then deem the election VOID AND OF NO EFFECT. SC was simply asked by Ryan to “rule” on the validity of a certain ballot. Instead, SC found that the way the AUS elections were run was in violation of AMS code because they lacked appeals procedures (yes, we actually looked up the code). They also made this ruling without looking at the AUS 2010 General Election Regulations which includes the appeals procedures.

Whatever, its now all a moot point because Brian resigned in a professional letter to AUS Council in which he signs it “peace out, dawgs.” Be still, our gangsta meme hearts.

More sparkles and #procrastireading after the jump!

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Your Sporadic Dose of News for Noobs

Long time no post! We won more moniez, Taylor is back (with less memes and more sparkles), people are storming some goddamn wall on campus, Gossip Girl aired, and it’s almost summer. Here’s a rundown of what is happening/a bunch of rumours in the sextacular AMS.

Secrets, secrets are no fun…

AMS Council had some super secret location discussing some super secret things where the sexy media isn’t allowed. We speculate that half of the meeting will be spent discussing strategies on how to become as popular in the UBC world as Justin Bieber & Perez Hilton are in the real world.

yes, taylor’s back… (her idols at perez’s birthday a few days ago)

After the jump we have some sexy Toope, the no alcohol at Koerner’s shit, and a clusterfuck of AMS rumours…

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Gossip Sunday: Too Many Memes

Lazy Sunday.  We’ve been called a gossip rag enough times that we may as well act like it.

Anyone sick of tsk-tsking the AUS for innumerable (okay, three) candidate mis-steps yet?  We’re watching you, Mary Leong and Michael Haack, but HOLY JESUS Ryan “Not Too Fine to Fine” Trasolini, read the manual, son.  Additionally, rumor & our inbox have it that one of the Presidential candidates has started offering cash money for VFM coverage. But of course, we’re all way too srs jrnalism bsns to take that deal, amirite?

Friday night also saw the kickoff of UBC Votes events, beginning with a well-attended concert at the Pit. Your Confidentialites were too busy being anonymous/sucking face to pay much attention, but luckily AUS Voting Committee Superstar Taylor L. brought along her camera.  Hence, we’ve got these for you:

First, AUS presidential candidate Mike Silley.

imminent warning: lacks logo, date, time, approval

AMS Elections EA & CRO, also Second-Cutest Couple [#barf]

cause : effect

But by far the highlight of these photos was our first opportunity to cry APPARENT SLATE

quick, while he's facing away

CANOODLIN’!!1!!!11! OUT. RAGEOUS.

Guest Post: Little Spoon Sounds Off

In the spirit of what appears to be the new modus operandi for constituency coverage, we’re pleased to bring you a guest post about something we know nothing about: The CUS Referendum (previous article on the subject here). Our guest blogger is a most notable Sauder student (a ‘Saudi,’ if you will), the owner of one impeccable black suit, and a heckuva lady.

Let’s face it—the halls of Henry Angus are abuzz with talk of this building referendum. Walk into the Sauder building and you’re bound to find people in little “ask me!” t-shirts, eyes glazed over from lack of sleep and willing to tell you all the amazing things that will happen in phase two and beyond—all you have to do is vote yes.

FACT #1—VOTE INFORMED…OBVIOUSLY: Let’s be frank here. I’m not going to tell you how to vote, or think, or act. I’m not going to discount cash flows and show fancy graphs and numbers as there are plenty of other blogs doing that. I’m going to tell it like it is, clear and simple, for people that want some sort of honesty before they hit the polls. Chances are though, if you’re a Sauder keener, you’ve already voted. But if not, perhaps you should continue to read this and maybe even comment below, because when all is said and done, it’s really about two things: value and principle.

FACT #2—THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TUITION INCREASE AND NOT A STUDENT FEE: When it comes to a student fee, you need to get it voted in by a referendum, convince students to vote yes and achieve quorum, convince the AMS to ratify the referendum results, bring it to UBC’s BoG and then hope to God that the Province doesn’t shoot it down. Sound like a lot of work? Well, it is, and if by some chance all goes well, the funds flow in a rather complicated way: to UBC to the AMS and back to UBC. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. Money is lost because of handling fees and admin time and quite frankly, it just doesn’t make sense. The reason for this is a tuition cap by the provincial government, and because of this freeze, institutions are finding creative ways of upping the price. This whole building debacle is the equivalent of you going to the back door of the Pit because you didn’t want to stand in line and paying the bouncer, then getting caught by the manager and having to pay him too.

FACT #3—THOSE WHO TRULY BENEFIT FROM THIS ARE THE SAUDER “SUPER ELITE”: There are Sauder students, and then there are the crazy, super-involved, future CEO Sauder students. [Ed. note: our guest may or may not be one of these.] Those are the ones that try to improve the UBC community, beef up their resumes, and they all hang out together in one giant ball of awesome. They are the CUS, the conferences and the clubs. They are the ones that wear suits just because they can, apply to jobs they are not qualified for yet still manage to nail them, and spend more time on volunteer position projects than on class projects; they want to see a Sauder just as good as the Iveys and the Whartons of this world. And they are the ones that will most directly benefit from the better building. The rest? Well, they’ll get an amazing facility all right, but they’d still become the same bookkeepers they would have become had the building never been improved.

FACT #4—YOU DON’T MESS WITH EX-MCKINSEY CONSULTANTS: What has set this referendum apart is backing from alumni. This is both a good and bad thing. You get strong, mature and knowledgeable people putting themselves behind an initiative—but you also get extremely persuasive individuals affecting the results of this vote. And trust me, when an ex-Mckinsey, ex-CUS president and all-round rock star wants you to vote yes, you are going to vote yes, a) because you fear the guy and b) you retain a small hope that one day, he’ll get you a job. That has been my only point of worry during this whole campaign; people unable to voice their opinions because they are afraid that they’ll be ostracized later.

apparently this is how commerce kids apply for jobs

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #5—SPEAKING OF MCKINSEY, YOU DON’T MESS WITH A FRENCH MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, my new-found crush is none other than UBC’s VP Finance, Pierre Ouillet. [Ed note: ooooOOOOoooooOOOOooo] This man cut SEVEN LAYERS of middle management and somehow found thirty million dollars to balance UBC’s budget. This man is a hawk, and if Sauder does not manage to cough up enough money to cover their ass, they will have to answer to this guy. He’ll most likely bail out the faculty with newly allowed debt financing and force Sauder to cut programs. But what he’ll also do is cut from other faculties and essentially “slow down” the renovations line so that other buildings slated for renovation, like law and pharmacy, are postponed. Taking our previous analogy further, that’s like having to wait in line at the Pit only to realize that the extremely long wait was because the bouncers had to take care of a pesky customer that got in through the back door.

rawwwrrrr. or, uh, screeeeeech.

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #6—YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DON’T: To get a better school, you need more money, but to get more money, you need a better school. So now what? The way I see it, it’s not about bailing about some ambitious Dean, or punishing the “bad” faculty, or simply building a building. It’s about laying down the foundation (or rather the rest of the foundation) for a better school. Sure, mistakes were made: Dean Dan should have secured financing, the CUS should have taken a more neutral stance and demanded more from their faculty, and the government should have worked together with the University and students so that this would never have happened in the first place.

BAWWW SCHNOOKUMS

Your browser may not support display of this image.

In the end, it’s about value and where YOU see it. If you think that $500 a year for four, or five, or six years is worth it, will get you a better degree and ultimately a better job, then by all means vote yes. If you consider this a gross mismanaging of the referendum process (which it was, in a sense) and a sneaky way to increase tuition, then vote no.

But what you certainly must NOT do is not vote at all.

XOXO,

Little Spoon

Voter Funded Building?

Henry Angus must be rolling in his grave. If you aren’t in Commerce, you probably haven’t heard of this referendum/Sauder/Henry Angus/my building/millions of dollars thing that’s been happening. Yeah, we don’t really give a fuck either.

we couldn't ignore that Dean Dan looks a bit like Putin...plus we threw in a political/sexy/economics joke #FTW

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EUS big keeners; we're not shocked.

Constituency races are off, and, as usual, the Engineers have their act way, way together.  As Sir Lougheed of SUS and his merry band of Elections Admins struggle to get elections (and, judging by the looks of it, their website OH SNAP) up and running, the Engineers have already submitted their candidate profiles.

Yea, V3rily

We’ll be the first to admit that we’re less than informed about the inner machinations of the EUS, nor are we particularly inclined to, uh, penetrate their inner recesses, shall we say.  (Sexiest faculty = Arts, no question.)  But even our ignorant eyes can identify a few key players  in the upcoming EUS Elections Extravaganza—PLUS, a complete list of candidates—after the break.

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