Gossip Sunday: Too Many Memes

Lazy Sunday.  We’ve been called a gossip rag enough times that we may as well act like it.

Anyone sick of tsk-tsking the AUS for innumerable (okay, three) candidate mis-steps yet?  We’re watching you, Mary Leong and Michael Haack, but HOLY JESUS Ryan “Not Too Fine to Fine” Trasolini, read the manual, son.  Additionally, rumor & our inbox have it that one of the Presidential candidates has started offering cash money for VFM coverage. But of course, we’re all way too srs jrnalism bsns to take that deal, amirite?

Friday night also saw the kickoff of UBC Votes events, beginning with a well-attended concert at the Pit. Your Confidentialites were too busy being anonymous/sucking face to pay much attention, but luckily AUS Voting Committee Superstar Taylor L. brought along her camera.  Hence, we’ve got these for you:

First, AUS presidential candidate Mike Silley.

imminent warning: lacks logo, date, time, approval

AMS Elections EA & CRO, also Second-Cutest Couple [#barf]

cause : effect

But by far the highlight of these photos was our first opportunity to cry APPARENT SLATE

quick, while he's facing away

CANOODLIN’!!1!!!11! OUT. RAGEOUS.

Guest Post: Little Spoon Sounds Off

In the spirit of what appears to be the new modus operandi for constituency coverage, we’re pleased to bring you a guest post about something we know nothing about: The CUS Referendum (previous article on the subject here). Our guest blogger is a most notable Sauder student (a ‘Saudi,’ if you will), the owner of one impeccable black suit, and a heckuva lady.

Let’s face it—the halls of Henry Angus are abuzz with talk of this building referendum. Walk into the Sauder building and you’re bound to find people in little “ask me!” t-shirts, eyes glazed over from lack of sleep and willing to tell you all the amazing things that will happen in phase two and beyond—all you have to do is vote yes.

FACT #1—VOTE INFORMED…OBVIOUSLY: Let’s be frank here. I’m not going to tell you how to vote, or think, or act. I’m not going to discount cash flows and show fancy graphs and numbers as there are plenty of other blogs doing that. I’m going to tell it like it is, clear and simple, for people that want some sort of honesty before they hit the polls. Chances are though, if you’re a Sauder keener, you’ve already voted. But if not, perhaps you should continue to read this and maybe even comment below, because when all is said and done, it’s really about two things: value and principle.

FACT #2—THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TUITION INCREASE AND NOT A STUDENT FEE: When it comes to a student fee, you need to get it voted in by a referendum, convince students to vote yes and achieve quorum, convince the AMS to ratify the referendum results, bring it to UBC’s BoG and then hope to God that the Province doesn’t shoot it down. Sound like a lot of work? Well, it is, and if by some chance all goes well, the funds flow in a rather complicated way: to UBC to the AMS and back to UBC. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. Money is lost because of handling fees and admin time and quite frankly, it just doesn’t make sense. The reason for this is a tuition cap by the provincial government, and because of this freeze, institutions are finding creative ways of upping the price. This whole building debacle is the equivalent of you going to the back door of the Pit because you didn’t want to stand in line and paying the bouncer, then getting caught by the manager and having to pay him too.

FACT #3—THOSE WHO TRULY BENEFIT FROM THIS ARE THE SAUDER “SUPER ELITE”: There are Sauder students, and then there are the crazy, super-involved, future CEO Sauder students. [Ed. note: our guest may or may not be one of these.] Those are the ones that try to improve the UBC community, beef up their resumes, and they all hang out together in one giant ball of awesome. They are the CUS, the conferences and the clubs. They are the ones that wear suits just because they can, apply to jobs they are not qualified for yet still manage to nail them, and spend more time on volunteer position projects than on class projects; they want to see a Sauder just as good as the Iveys and the Whartons of this world. And they are the ones that will most directly benefit from the better building. The rest? Well, they’ll get an amazing facility all right, but they’d still become the same bookkeepers they would have become had the building never been improved.

FACT #4—YOU DON’T MESS WITH EX-MCKINSEY CONSULTANTS: What has set this referendum apart is backing from alumni. This is both a good and bad thing. You get strong, mature and knowledgeable people putting themselves behind an initiative—but you also get extremely persuasive individuals affecting the results of this vote. And trust me, when an ex-Mckinsey, ex-CUS president and all-round rock star wants you to vote yes, you are going to vote yes, a) because you fear the guy and b) you retain a small hope that one day, he’ll get you a job. That has been my only point of worry during this whole campaign; people unable to voice their opinions because they are afraid that they’ll be ostracized later.

apparently this is how commerce kids apply for jobs

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #5—SPEAKING OF MCKINSEY, YOU DON’T MESS WITH A FRENCH MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, my new-found crush is none other than UBC’s VP Finance, Pierre Ouillet. [Ed note: ooooOOOOoooooOOOOooo] This man cut SEVEN LAYERS of middle management and somehow found thirty million dollars to balance UBC’s budget. This man is a hawk, and if Sauder does not manage to cough up enough money to cover their ass, they will have to answer to this guy. He’ll most likely bail out the faculty with newly allowed debt financing and force Sauder to cut programs. But what he’ll also do is cut from other faculties and essentially “slow down” the renovations line so that other buildings slated for renovation, like law and pharmacy, are postponed. Taking our previous analogy further, that’s like having to wait in line at the Pit only to realize that the extremely long wait was because the bouncers had to take care of a pesky customer that got in through the back door.

rawwwrrrr. or, uh, screeeeeech.

Your browser may not support display of this image. FACT #6—YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DON’T: To get a better school, you need more money, but to get more money, you need a better school. So now what? The way I see it, it’s not about bailing about some ambitious Dean, or punishing the “bad” faculty, or simply building a building. It’s about laying down the foundation (or rather the rest of the foundation) for a better school. Sure, mistakes were made: Dean Dan should have secured financing, the CUS should have taken a more neutral stance and demanded more from their faculty, and the government should have worked together with the University and students so that this would never have happened in the first place.

BAWWW SCHNOOKUMS

Your browser may not support display of this image.

In the end, it’s about value and where YOU see it. If you think that $500 a year for four, or five, or six years is worth it, will get you a better degree and ultimately a better job, then by all means vote yes. If you consider this a gross mismanaging of the referendum process (which it was, in a sense) and a sneaky way to increase tuition, then vote no.

But what you certainly must NOT do is not vote at all.

XOXO,

Little Spoon

aus throwdown/showdown

Gossip Guy here. Happy to see me? I know you are. I can practically see the smile on your face from wherever I’m currently sitting/stumbling.

Well, fellow Artsies… we have a lot of tough choices this year. We’ll have to pick Yes or No in four different races, one involving a Star Wars character (WIN). Three guys going for President, and two ladies and purple lightsaber-wielding Sammy J for VPX. Then a bunch of General Officers and AMS reps. But c’mon… let’s focus on what’s really important here (Not that they aren’t all important. Just some things take priority, k?). So yes… EL PRESIDENTE. How are we going to decide who to support this year? We’ll leave it to…

the crudely rendered semi-androgynous pink and black gambling addicted elections mascot

I now realize I spent all my bloody time making that stupid graphic, and didn’t write anything of substance. Make sure you read the contest at the end of the post, and actually enter, so I don’t end up crying alone tonight because I wasted so much time. [Kai sez: welcome to the Confidential Editorial board, GG. You’ll get used to it.]

We’ll do some in-depth analyses in the coming days – and be assured, we WILL penetrate into the inner recesses, unlike the EUS elections, which we know nothing about. Full candidate list and some useless links after the jump y’all. AND THE CONTEST.

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Voter Funded Building?

Henry Angus must be rolling in his grave. If you aren’t in Commerce, you probably haven’t heard of this referendum/Sauder/Henry Angus/my building/millions of dollars thing that’s been happening. Yeah, we don’t really give a fuck either.

we couldn't ignore that Dean Dan looks a bit like Putin...plus we threw in a political/sexy/economics joke #FTW

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EUS big keeners; we're not shocked.

Constituency races are off, and, as usual, the Engineers have their act way, way together.  As Sir Lougheed of SUS and his merry band of Elections Admins struggle to get elections (and, judging by the looks of it, their website OH SNAP) up and running, the Engineers have already submitted their candidate profiles.

Yea, V3rily

We’ll be the first to admit that we’re less than informed about the inner machinations of the EUS, nor are we particularly inclined to, uh, penetrate their inner recesses, shall we say.  (Sexiest faculty = Arts, no question.)  But even our ignorant eyes can identify a few key players  in the upcoming EUS Elections Extravaganza—PLUS, a complete list of candidates—after the break.

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News for Noobs

We here at Sexy R Us Confidential have been looking for a third editor to spice things up, give us neck rubs when needed, and lighten our loads a bit so we don’t fail out of university.

We’re pleased to announce a VFM marriage of sorts, with the addition of our new editor, AMS Gossip Guy himself.

GG will post more on himself at a later date.

Hillson, we still love you.

On to some sad, sad news.

Unfortunately, glitter extremist and twittebrity Taylor will be leaving Confidential until constituency elections are over. She has joined forces with Chairman Naylor as part of the AUS Elections Committee and wicked awesome ubcvotes.ca team…it’s pretty hard to compete with that sexy Chairman, especially now with his dashing new smile. Oh, and his deep pockets.

Now on to some happy, happy news.

VFM IS BACK! Or, so says this tweet. We’re stoked to have you all voting for us again & again & again and promise to bring you some delicious content on everything scandalous in AUS, EUS, HKUS, and SUS elections!! Check our events page for all the events and remember to follow our Twitter.

The Life & Times of AMS Gossip Guy

UPDATE: We just chatted online with GG, and he says that he has been the original all along, and used his Kiwi friend’s name for the VFM form, to cash any cheques. Sneaky sneaky, that one.

Last year on your AMS Elections ballot, you could have voted for AMS Gossip Guy.

This year, he faded into oblivion without any clandestine affairs, tweets, or posts; save for a random one come the UN invasion. Why did Gossip Guy leave us hanging without any scintillating material?

Because, our dear friends, he had left the country.

We wish that it was some hot steamy affair with an executive (insert the need for Fan Fiction here), or even a fellow AMS alias (Eden Hart, anyone?), but alas, we haven’t uncovered any truth to these ponderings.

We have, however, uncovered something else.

HIS IDENTITY.

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Bye Bye International Seat…

Oh, International Seat…so last month’s Disabilities Seat. If you want some point vs point action that sort of hurts your brain, check out the epic battle of Timkachu vs. Chairman Naylor on Issues That Matter here.

At Council on Wednesday, the Legislative Procedures Committee (Leprecomm LPC) headed by our very Chairman Naylor brought the issue of abolishing the International Students seat (which is non-voting) to Council’s oval table. They argued that the ISA seat was not in the best interest of the group it represents, and that the structure of the AMS is not amenable to such a seat. Basically, in the AMS we have representation by population, so having a seat tailored to the interests of international students allows for double representation, which is an LPC no-no.

Representation by population is something that is important to preserve as it is allowing each member a representative on council through a direct channel and empowers people to get elected through those channels. –Chairman Naylor

Saayy whaaaat? Federalism?

Basically:

  • As a student, you belong to a faculty. Be this Arts, Engineering, Science, or Human Kinetics to name a few (oh hai, they happen to be having their own elections and Arts/HK nomination forms are due Tuesday. http://ubcvotes.ca for more info! *shameless democracy plug*).
  • Within your faculty, you have an undergraduate society which holds elections to elect your own sexy executive and other positions, including AMS reps.
  • The AMS has reps based on how many students are in that faculty. Proportional representation, anyone? If you’re in Arts, you get 5 reps. Science, 4. & on and on and on…so that every student has the same amount of representation on Council, and the same chance of getting elected to Council.

The whole point in this is that someone represents you based on your faculty and that everyone is equal, and it is NOT based on whether you’re an international student, a student with disabilities, a gay student, a commuter student, etc.

Tahara encompassed the above in a moving speech, except she threw in an “anglo-saxon seat” example which got these editors daydreaming…

JJ is running for SUS Director of Finance...but we'd kind of like this instead.

Anyway, a lot of sexy debate resumed. And we mean a LOT. Let us also note that Brittany Perna was just recently elected to the seat, and this was her first real council meeting…such a nice welcome! Here are some of this editor’s favourite bitch slap quotes.

Tim: There’s been no consultation with International Students.
El Naylorino: Tim, it’s quite clear you don’t care about consultation. #OHSNAP

Naz, Former Int’l Rep: If I am gay, I am gay everywhere. If I go back to Iran, I am not an international student.

There were also some nice quotes:

The only divides we should see at this table are the arbitrary ones between faculties. –New VPX Jeremy

We should work holistically with I-House. – Iggy (up for re-election!)

So then it came time to vote, and it was breathtakingly close. 2/3 was needed, and it got EXACTLY 2/3. Perhaps the lesson learned from this debate is that if you want to push your controversial cause through council, seeking political advice—and impassioned speech-making—from Timkachu is a guaranteed way to make it fail.

Remember kids, as Chairman Naylor bravely expressed, High School Musical stylewe’re all in this together. Love each other, and love those international/domestic kids…they’re a big source of sex appeal/revenue for the university <3

Disclaimer of sorts? Kai is an international student, and Taylor is a domestic student. EQUALLY FUNDED VOTER FUNDED MEDIA WHAT WHAT.

Hack vs. Hack

Oh goodness, y’all.

In a grandiose lesson about knocking on wood, not counting chickens before eggs are hatched, ETCETERA, in tonight’s council meeting our illustrious EA Isabel informed the group that the heretofore scandal-free AMS elections were, in fact, scandalicious.

Ladies and gentlemen: it appears we got hacked.

like, it was way rad

For big fat details in all their glory, you can read the full text of the Elections Fraud Report.  A quick summary follows, however, for you kids on the go.

  1. Mark Latham, Voter Funded Media guru, was analyzing data for his own purposes & discovered an apparent irregularity; he notified Isabel, who alerted the proper authorities.
  2. There are 731 “Suspect Votes” which were identified as being from the same IP address & voting in a four-hour bloc (a very large number of votes in a very short amount of time).
  3. An independent party, Forensic Data Recovery (FDR), has been hired to investigate this occurrence and see if their are other instances of voter fraud in the elections.
  4. These 731 votes affect ONLY the following races:
  • the single passing referendum (tuition policy = LOWER PLZ)
  • UBC Senate
  • VFM
  • OH FUCK WHAT

It’s still uncertain how the suspicious activity happened, whether or not saved votes were overwritten or the fraudulent votes were independent, etc. etc.  Is it possible that previous races were affected? oh yes.  Is it possible that there is undetectable fraud happening in our elections? Well, in the words of Speaker Dave:

We said they were a hacker. We didn’t say they were a super-smart hacker.

Sleep soundly, voters.  Oh, and the UBC Votes team (AUS, EUS, HKUS, & SUS) will not be using this online voting system, they will use WebVote. And you, O Computer Elite of the Cloning Powers, we have but one request for you:

OH GOD PLEASE it's been such a slow month